View Single Post
March 25th, 2013, 11:39 AM
islandbaby islandbaby is offline
~ ttc island baby #3 ~
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,547
Originally Posted by lelila View Post
Oh Samantha, I'm sorry. There's no easy day is there? And I know, I think we all do, the "I should be pregnant right now" feeling. It comes with everything doesn't it. I'm in the grocery store picking out tea and it's caffeinated. I should be getting decaf because "I SHOULD BE PREGNANT RIGHT NOW".

And the counting. Oh yes, the counting. It's been 4 days. 6 days. 8 days. It's been 20 days since the D&C but 28 since our LO's heart stopped. I HATE the counting. And it's automatic. Like knowing the days of the week, you don't even have to think about it.

People all over the place say it gets better, but I'm still waiting. We all are.
I teared up reading your post! This is EXACTLY how I feel! Everything I do revolves around the 'I should be pregnant right now' thought. I can't even do the dishes without that thought I hate grocery shopping now. I used to love it and it always made me so happy while I was pregnant. Considering my age, I took 'eating while pregnant' even more seriously. Everything I ate was thought out. Is this good for my baby? Is this healthy? Yes, sometimes I ate the 'wrong' thing, like chocolate, but I always felt guilty. Now I've spent almost two weeks punishing myself with food. Why care now, right?

Yes, the counting is automatic with me too! Every day I think, "I should be 13w2d pregnant now. I should be in the second trimester" HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME??? I just want to scream and cry and throw things and noone around me understands. Two days after my D&C someone had the nerve to tell me, "I know you feel bad now, but you'll get over it". GET OVER It??? WHAT??? I will NEVER get over this, as far as I'm concerned. I am forever changed by this!!! I am miserable. I am sad. I am heartbroken. Nothing else matters. Yes, I still do all the daily stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I do it for my family that needs me, but all I really want to do is have my baby back and be pregnant again. That is ALL I want now I don't cry anymore. Now I am just angry.

I seriously don't know what I would do if I didn't have JustMommies and all of you. I may not know you all personally, but I know we all are now connected by something, that if not experienced, can never be truly understood except by us who have felt that earth shattering loss and saddness.

Thank you to all of you for being here for support, not just for me, but for all of us who have had some sort of a loss!!!

Last edited by islandbaby; March 25th, 2013 at 11:44 AM.
Reply With Quote