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April 30th, 2013, 03:31 PM
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ashj_1218 ashj_1218 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971 dreams and even my will to have a NCB

I don't know if its just fear making me shy away. Or if its the complications that are presenting themselves. But I just am losing the desire and, potentially, ability to have one. I feel guilty, sad, and happy about it all at the same time

I was in the hospital this weekend for unexplained clotting. And it was discovered that I have severe polyhydraminos. So I got several more sonograms and have a MFM scan on hold pending Thursdays results.

They don't know why I was clotting, why I was contracting with little-no progress, or why her fluid levels are skyrocketing right now. It's frustrating. I am on bed rest now and we are just waiting.

But I am terrified for my water to break...given she has tons of it and cord prolapse is a real concern with her still floating. I am terrified to need a sono at MFM because they will be looking for abnormalities causing the fluid. I am terrified of going into labor and being so emotionally exhausted (and physically...I have gained 10lbs, mostly in fluid, in the past two weeks) that I just want meds. And to top it off...I will certainly be induced either if her fluid continues to rise and/or I hit 38 weeks at current levels. Which means ill be opting for an epi with my pitocin.

I sorta am frustrated that my body is not keen on just cooperating in the end of pregnancy. Last time it was a late turning breech that threw a kink in the whole works. This time, massive fluid and unexplained bleeding. Sigh.

I just wish I had more confidence. Buts it's getting worse instead of better. I am so exhausted with all of it. Sorry for the whine
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