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May 1st, 2013, 05:48 AM
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MarylandMama MarylandMama is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Maryland, near DC
Posts: 1,473
So I have mentioned several times that I lost my grandmother early in this pregnancy. We were super close and I am naming the baby after her. My grandfather had since moved in with my aunt and uncle just a few miles from me. He was very excited about this baby and her name. He was looking forward to holding her and being at her dedication. He had some health struggles over the last few months, but that all seemed to be behind him and he was doing very well. Yesterday afternoon, he died very suddenly and unexpectedly. My uncle had been working in his basement office and came upstairs to find him while I was working my last session of the day, around 4:20. I got home and was super annoyed that DH insisted on putting DD straight to bed b/c I wanted to spend time with her. He told me he had to talk to me. My first thought was that he had lost his job. I wish it had been that.

This is really more than I can take. I feel like I may die of a broken heart. They were the world to me. They suffered so much when my grandmother was sick for so many years and it seemed like even though she was gone, we would have him in our lives in a way he hadn't been able to be for so long. Now it just feels like losing her all over again and him, too. It is just so unfair. He was supposed to hold her. He was supposed to see DD start preschool and sing in their Christmas program. He loved when she sang and danced for him. I feel like I won't even be able to enjoy the birth of this baby bc I will be missing them so much. For 65 years, they have held every baby in this family: 3 daughters of their own, 5 grandchildren, and 6 great grandchildren. There will be such an emptiness with Lena and it's just not fair. I know I sound like such a baby, but I am completely devastated.

I will probably not be online again until early next week. After DH sits for a professional exam he has in the morning, we will head straight for my grandparents' house to help with arrangements and for the services. Their house is out in the country and they have no internet. But I am desperate for your prayers for strength to get through this and for God's divine comfort. I don't understand why this is happening this way, but I have to choose to trust Him. But, please, please, please, pray very hard. I really, truly need it.
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