View Single Post
May 17th, 2013, 05:29 PM
alittlelost's Avatar
alittlelost alittlelost is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
Dave is an only child, and likes it but not at the same time. He was neglected a lot as a child, even as an only child. His real father rejected him, and his Step Mom was abusive. His Mom and step Dad were heavy into drugs and were NEVER home. So he is like "I want to put my everything into Drake." I can totally understand. It's just that, sometimes I get these feelings like I want more, but when I actually think about it, I do not. Maybe it's because I am a female and I am meant to make babies that I get these feelings? Because when I imagine me actually bringing a baby home I am not happy about it. Like this morning, me and Drake were sitting on the floor and hugged for like 20 minutes, literally. He does that all the time. And I was like "I can't have more kids. I would never be able to do this and just this and not have someone else needing / wanting me." My cousin (before she got killed) never wanted kids, and people including me called her weird, selfish and you name it. Who doesn't want kids right?! I wish I could tell her sorry because I know how she feels, except me with just one.

"He was neglected a lot as a child, even as an only child."

Things like neglect, missing out on a child's special events, etc . . . that has nothing to do with being an only child or not. It doesn't become more likely with the more kids you have. It's a parenting decision. You make things work for your family, or you don't, whether you have 1 child or 10.

If you don't want more kids, and your husband doesn't want more kids, don't have more kids But just remember that those who do have more kids aren't putting less into their kids just because they have more, and if YOU ever decided to have more, Drake and your other child wouldn't get any less from you either. Want to know why? Because you aren't your mom. You aren't your husband's father. You are you, and you is an amazing mother who would be amazing with 1 kid or 2 or however many you decide to have/stick with.

I have 4 kids, and it's not uncommon at all for me to get a chance to hug them for 20 or minutes at a time. So just keep in mind that while you may not feel you could be as good a mom to more than one kid as you are to Drake, in reality, you CAN. And LOTS of mamas are being just as good to their multiple children as you are to your one.

It's okay to only have 1 kid, just don't confuse being an only child with getting more love/attention than not being an only child, because that just ain't reality

(Also, there's always an adjustment period, whether going from 0 kids to 1 or 1 to 2. And as kids get older, they become more independent and don't always want mommy's attention 24/7. I know some people who space their kids out really far, and that works for them, because their kids get to an age where they still want mom, but not ALL the time, and so it's easy to have another child)

Oh, and for a long time, we thought we were done with 3 because I didn't know how we could manage more. But then our kids got older, our situation changed, and adding another seemed easy enough. But even if we'd gotten pregnant by surprise before then, we would have made it work. Because we love each of our kids 100%, whether it's 100% times 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Our love is not divided.
Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.

Last edited by alittlelost; May 17th, 2013 at 05:48 PM.
Reply With Quote