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June 27th, 2013, 06:34 PM
ImALittleTeaPot ImALittleTeaPot is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Nebraska, USA
Posts: 1,021
First, I'm so glad that I finally feel at ease with this huge life change that I can start my grad journal. It's been hard -- until we started TTC, I didn't realize how much heartache and loss there actually was in pregnancy. It pains me that I have to distance myself from the board of women that I've come to think of as friends. It's not fair... I will never in my life know why it's such a long journey for some women to become mothers. I will be stalking the journals of the wonderful ladies of TTC#1 until they all get their BFP. I know in my hearts that they will... and I will pray for them and send them positive thoughts until the day they make the leap to a DDC.

Our journey began on June 6th. I had an appointment w/ the neurologist and even though I was only 10 DPO, I decided to take a test. My wondfo had this weird line. It showed up after 5 minutes, and wasn't strong or too pink. But there was something there. Brian and I decided to test again on Friday.

The appointment went so well -- Dr. S (neuro) was so thrilled at my weightloss and the fact that I hadn't had a single headache since the lumbar puncture at the end of January. We discussed how he'd love to have me go off the topamax two months before we got pregnant. And agreed to discuss things after my yearly exam later in June. You see... DH & I were sure that something wasn't right with at least one of us. He's on an anti-anxiety med that is known to decrease sperm count and I wasn't convinced that I was actually ovulating properly.

On Friday, June 7th, I took another test. And another... and another... Looking at the tests now, the lines are so stinkin' light that I'm amazed we even saw anything. We even ran to the next town over and got more tests to take. I had some ClearBlue's hidden away and we took one and I almost fainted when I saw that it said "pregnant"... DH couldn't believe it so he made me do another and it showed "not pregnant". We were confused to say the least.

I went ahead and called the clinic and asked my regular doctor if she would order a blood test on Monday. We were headed to Chicago for a post-anniversary vacation and I wanted to know before we left. Sure enough, the tests got darker through the weekend and I started noticing that I was starting to feel nauseous.

The day of the hcg test was stressful. I think Brian and I will always remember our first lab experience to be scary -- as we were waiting, an older lady who had blood drawn came out of the lab and as she started walking, the bandaid failed and she started bleeding all over the hallway right in front of us. I thought that Brian was going to pass out!!! Anyway, we called 3 hours later because they told me they'd have results in an hour and I hadn't heard anything. The nurse said "um... oh... well... I don't know what to say..." I was freaking out. I finally got it out of her that my beta was at 40. She told me that it wasn't high enough for her to say that I was pregnant, it was just "elevated". I cried on the interstate as DH was driving us to his parents house. Finally I got in touch with MY doctor's nurse and she said that Dr. D said that I was definitely pregnant and not to worry about the number, that 40 is definitely pregnant. So, we headed to Chicago with the plan to retest the following Monday.

Chicago was amazing!! Highlights: Cubs game, derecho warnings, pizza, pizza, pizza, Shedd Aquarium, and downtown Naperville shopping!!!

When we came back from Chicago on Saturday, I was nauseous 90% of the time and struggling to find food that I wanted to eat. We decided that since we were at DH's parent's house and all his siblings were there, we would tell them. We went out to the car and got the bag of goodies that we purchased while in Chicago. We showed them our fresh spices, flavored balsamic, Cub's super-nacho helmets, and finally we showed them the new Cubs shirts we got: One for me, one for Brian, and a super cute little onesie.

It took them awhile to "get it"... but when they did, we were showered with love and warm wishes. It was perfect.

Monday, my parents were driving past our house, so we had them stop. We told them that we had a father's day gift for my dad (which we did...) and that we wanted to celebrate with some angelfood cake and strawberries. So they stopped after 7 hours of driving back from my grandparents house to see us. We did the same exact set-up as we did with Brian's family. Again, it took them awhile. The two things I will remember are my mom saying "Come on people, put it together" as she leaped out of her chair to come hug me, and the priceless look on my Dad's face when he put it together.

Earlier that Monday, we went and had my 2nd beta that revealed a number of 1843! A doubling rate of 30-ish hours. We also contacted the neurologist to have my meds changed to something safer (15 mg daily of buspar). Things were going well and we scheduled u/s and prenatal exams with my OB.

I still couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling that something was wrong. I really struggled to be completely excited. Then the nausea went away as did the mega-sore boobs. Cramps started and I was scared.

Finally, today, we had our first ultrasound.

Our little baby's heartbeat was 122. I'm measuring 6 weeks 2 days. EDD - February 18. Life. is. good.

Oh, and today... I puked. All symptoms are back. The cramping is still happening occasionally, but the OB said not to worry as long as I'm not spotting (which I'm not).

We have another appointment on July 11 for an 8 wk ultrasound and then at 10 weeks, I'll have a prenatal exam. I can't wait to see my baby again.

Okay, I'm sorry that was so long, I just want to remember as much as I can from this special time.
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