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August 7th, 2013, 05:14 PM
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lelila lelila is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,235
Hi ladies. I know so many of you from TTCAL and from this board, where I've spent time twice before. Almost three weeks ago I got my positive. But I haven't said a peep on the TTCAL board and I haven't joined a DDC. Honestly, I don't even know my due date.

I had my betas drawn 13 dpo 379. 22 DPO 10697 - doubling every 45 hours. Progesterone was at 36 / 34 respectively.
I had my first appt and I sobbed the entire time. I told my ob I'm just waiting to lose this one. DH and I haven't even talked about this pregnancy. There's no joy in it. Only fear of another loss. Every trip to the restroom is like walking the plank. Every ligament pain sends me to Dr. Google. I'm nauseous 24 hours a day but if for 2 minutes I don't fee like vomiting, I panic. My c-sec scar is stretching already and I'm losing weight from nerves, yet I don't fit in any of my clothes anymore. But I refuse to wear maternity or bigger clothes - I don't want to jinx myself, so I'm living in pajamas right now, hoping it's bloat and it'll go away soon.

I know it doesn't end. I'll feel the anxiety every minute of every day until I deliver, and maybe even afterwards for a few decades. I turn 40 in a few weeks. I feel like this is our last chance and it's already been taken away from us.

I'm sorry I've carried on so long. I know you all have been through so much and I hope you all get that treasure at the end of the rainbow.
Leia 42 yrs young

Wife to Big Bull 41
Mommy to Big Brother our first Miracle Feb 24 2006
Mommy to Little Brother, our Rainbow, March 24, 2014

Never Forgetting our Angels 2012, 2013
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