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August 25th, 2013, 06:41 PM
GSLynn GSLynn is offline
Keepin' it real!
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 1,656
Originally Posted by Ktmckinsey View Post
I have two daughters, 1 and 3. My husband and I are 28. We are pulling ourselves out from under student loans. We rent an apartment. Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test because I was late starting my period. I have a copper IUD, so it should be idiot-proof. The test was slightly positive.

Assuming this isn't a tubal pregnancy, the test is accurate, and I don't miscarry, my husband would prefer that I get an abortion. Here are the reasons why:
  • I'm starting graduate school on the 21st.
  • I'm the main bread winner and would likely lose my job if I was pregnant again so soon
  • We're having marital problems and our relationship is strained.
  • The baby is still very young and needs a lot of mommy time.
  • Daycare is extremely expensive.
  • The oldest is in the process of having an official Apserger's diagnosis. There's already a lot of work to be done raising her.
  • Did I mention we're stressed to the max?
  • I can't quit my job to stay home because the student loan bills come due whether you have 0 children or 10. Buying diapers isn't the issue here.

Reasons to keep the pregnancy:
  • I feel like I'm killing my child.
  • I have excellent health insurance and short term disability. If I wasn't dumped by my company, I would be in a good place.

Adoption isn't an option for us. I was adopted and would honestly have rather been aborted than deal with some of the issues I've dealt with. That's another debate for another time, but I wanted to close that argument.

I feel like I would be hurting everyone around me if I kept this baby. Are there any rational reasons to keep this pregnancy? Help me.

First things First: You said the test was slightly positive. What does this mean? A test is either positive or negative (EVEN if the line is faint). So either you are pregnant or not, and if you're not sure, a blood test would be best so that you're not worrying for nothing. It could just be a chemical pregnancy and you might not have anything at all to be concerned about. I'd get a blood test to find out for sure.

Second, YOU do not have to please ANYONE ELSE! If you want to keep your child, that is all the reason you need. You don't have to explain or justify anything to anyone. It's YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone. Even your husband cannot tell you to abort your child. That said: No matter what you choose, you will have some things to deal with.

#1. If you choose abortion, you have to live with YOURSELF. It sounds like you don't want to do it and you feel like it's "killing" your baby so you think it's wrong. That right there is the #1 reason in the world you should NOT do it. Never compromise your beliefs to please someone else. EVER.

#2. If you choose to keep the child, your husband may not want to parent the child. That is a risk you would have to take. HOWEVER, he sure didn't mind helping you MAKE the child, so he should just suck it up and do it since adoption isn't an option for your family. He has 2 more children, one more is not really a big deal (I went from 2-4 which IS a big deal, but still not that bad). Then he needs to be fixed if he doesn't want more children.

I do not believe any child is "unplanned" (maybe unexpected, but not unplanned) because if you are having sex at all, then it's a risk, even if a small risk, and even if on Birth Control. Therefore, while you may not have laid out thoughts of having a baby, you did plan the sex which everyone knows can lead to pregnancy. This means HE did also and can't just shirk his responsibilities and just tell you to abort the kid because it is convenient for him. Is HE going to be there when YOU are feeling horrible, depressed, angry, hurt, guilty and even if he is, can he ever take those feelings away? Maybe you'll even resent him for feeling you had to do it. You really have to sit down and talk with him about your feelings, and let him know abortion just won't work for you so either you keep the baby or adopt, and you believe in keeping the baby.

And tell him to remember "An ounce of prevention is a pound of cure"--meaning if he doesn't want to find himself in this position again, (and if you don't either) that you guys figure out a plan. Sometimes, you need 2 methods of BC if he doesn't want to do the permanent route. If he tells you "yeah I wanted 4 kids, just not now" then the IUD and condoms are a pretty good combination. Or spermicide. Of course, tell him to keep in mind that those methods are not 100% foolproof.

The sucky part is that IUD's and other birth control methods have a pretty good amount of failures and so you have found yourself with an unexpected situation on your hands. But that can all be changed with doing a more permanent solution.
Mom to many

1 Girl 2011 and 1 Boy 2013. Their family is COMPLETE!

Surrogacy # 3 for new family?: 2014??
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