Topic: Caitlyn2013
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September 5th, 2013, 07:47 PM
caitlyn2013 caitlyn2013 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 5
Hi All,

Thank you so much for your support. You are all such wonderful women - truly. It is so amazing to get some straight-from-the-heart opinions and advice that focuses on my feelings rather than anyone else's.

So, I went to the counselling session this afternoon. I was kind of hoping the counsellor would just tell me what to do, but it was more like "I understand your situation" kind of deal. Which I mean, was amazing, but doesn't really help in my decision making. We talked through some options, I got a butt-load of pamphlets, and left there feeling the same uncertainty I went in there with.

I booked an appointment with a social worker for tomorrow to talk about financial options/support.

My boyfriend asked me how the meeting went, and I told him everything aforementioned. I also told him that the counsellor said that he was being "less-than-supportive". Perhaps that was mean of me to tell him. He didn't take kindly to that.

I told him this all via email, as that's how he asked.. and here is his response.
"Mark Palmer
good luck
You're a ******* selfish idiot if ou decide to keep the baby
stop being such a god **** drama queeen
it will ruin your life, my life, your families life
everything because you ******* feel bad
selfish childish"

Am I being selfish? Or stupid? I have no money to raise a kid and quite frankly, (don't know if it's the hormones or not) have had some suicidal thoughts,. I couldn't go through with it. Though at this point I'm not sure what I really have to live for. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally stable enough to handle myself, let alone a baby. But that's all I want to do.

Because of my depression, I've been lying on the couch all day. feeling less-than productive. I failed to do my chores today, as I couldn't find the motivation to get up.
My parents screamed at me and told me they don't want me to live at home anymore and that I'm useless and stupid. I understand why they are feeling stressed themselves..but after telling them of my suicidal thoughts, I was hoping they'd be a little more understanding, and not flip out on me for not cleaning the kitchen today.

I left the house and walked all the way to the hospital during there screaming fit (I was hiding under the blankets in my room while they were upstairs) and was going to check myself into the psych ward. I've been there 3 times for 'suicidal tendencies'. When I got there, I realized I didn't wanna be there. They ignore you all day and act like you're crazy. Not a healthy/happy environment. I guess this isn't either. I kept on walking, and when it got too cold I decided to sneak back home - I have no where else to go.

I would really, really prefer not to be in this situation. The thing that breaks my heart is some women try SO hard, and are unable to conceive. Yet here I am, having the worst time of my life.

Aren't I supposed to be happy? I hate myself for not being happy.
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