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September 23rd, 2013, 09:55 AM
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MaineBean MaineBean is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Maine
Posts: 4,789
I think you need to just be aggressive. It doesn't mean you have to be mean or b itchy but "defending" your child is your right. It's not like the situations you describe are that big of a deal to abide by- what's wrong with these people?!

When other people (not your mom) are not listening and handling Lilly in ways you don't like, you simply take her and don't let others near her. If you don't want people picking her up, you say confindently (and maybe even forcefully), "I'm sorry, you really cannot pick her up right now. It will upset her and make things worse. I'm not trying to be mean, but I really must insist you leave her be." You are allowed to physically prevent people from picking her up- you hold her tight and close, you keep your hand on her, you move her away from others, and maybe you leave where you are to make a point. If you tell someone to leave her be and they pick her up anyway, you go to the person, take Lilly away and put her back. Repeat the words and actions over and over- consistency is huge.

As for your mom, moms can be tough. I think you need to take a different approach, though still confident and direct. Instead of just trying to say no, you may need to phrase approach her not when you are in the middle of taking care of Lilly. You'd say something like, "Mom, I know you are trying to help, but honestly when you interfere with what I'm trying to do to care for my daughter, it is both disrespectful and frustrating for me, and also detrimental for Lilly as she almost always ends up worse than where I started. I need you to respect my decisions and actions as a parent, just like you wanted from your mom with me. I appreciate your input when I ask for help, but when I ask you to step back, I really need you to listen." And then if after talking she tries to interfere when you're doing your thing, you need to firmly reiterate "Mom, we talked about this. I'm all set and don't need help now. If I need you, I will be sure to ask for your assistance. But for now, can you please leave us? Thanks." Rinse and repeat!

There's a decent chance people won't be happy with you. They might resent you standing up. They might judge that you don't know what you're doing. But so be it- better they be bent out of shape with you than have Lilly be negatively affected.

That's my $0.02.

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