Topic: Support
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October 2nd, 2013, 12:34 PM
alittlelost's Avatar
alittlelost alittlelost is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Yes, I think I have the hardest time with people who do the whole vilifying thing/playing the victim to make the other person look bad. But I can't change them. I can only change myself. And I need to because I seem to attract bully-types. I think it's a social thing, too, like "It's cool to hate you right now, so I'm going to do it, too." I see it where once they are done with me, they go on to do it to someone else, and perhaps they have done it to people before me too and I didn't notice. A lot of my problems come I think from being so optimistic and thinking anything can be resolved if you talk it out. I try to stick up for people who are afraid to speak up, thinking they have no reason to be afraid . . . then finding out that, hey, maybe they actually did have a reason for feeling like they couldn't bring something up. So I try to balance between doing what I think is right and not pissing people off (again, because I can't change other people, I can only change myself). But I am the type who takes time out of my day to offer my support to others. Even if someone has NEVER taken 2 seconds to help me, I'll spend 2 hours helping them if I think it will help. So to be told I'm not supportive really makes me stop and think--wow, how am *I* coming across. Sure, people can manipulate things, but I guess what I'm saying is I want to work on how I can be honest and supportive in such a way that makes it HARD to manipulate my words or intentions. Does that make sense?

The Feeling Good handbook. That sounds like something I could really use! I would love to understand people better so that I can still be myself, but a better version of myself that can deal better with difficult people. Thanks for the rec and for the feedback and advice. <3
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