Topic: Support
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October 2nd, 2013, 01:13 PM
shen7 shen7 is offline
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Because your mother was like that, you yourself may actually be seeking out these situations/people on some level, to keep playing your same role. Total armchair psychology here but it is super common for people to keep gravitating towards old familiar things, even if they make them miserable. It is basically just a pattern you are trapped in. What I think you can do to work on it, is analyze it (like you are doing now!!) To the point where you can SEE it happening and WATCH yourself doing it. At first you will only realize after the fact what has happened. Then you will start to notice in the middle of the situation "it's happening again." Then slowly you learn to actually avoid those situations in the first place. You may find those "reasons" you have for "needing to get involved" are not what they seem to be, that it is more like they trigger the pattern for you and give you the compulsion to leap into your old role. But in reality, you are doing the best thing for everybody by not feeding into the drama anymore and just not getting sucked in.

I have had different issues/patterns myself but for a long time I was taking on more and more work and expectations (which I thought was external but turned out to be just my own internal expectations) and being a perfectionist and just making myself super anxious and stressed out. It is why I left my PhD program and also my career. I need a better relationship with work or maybe a different type of work entirely. It has been a hard road but I think the process of breaking these patterns is what really can make us truly free as human beings. And I know it makes me a better parent because I try really hard to not create unhealthy patterns with my kids.

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