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October 28th, 2013, 04:35 PM
ducksaresnazzy's Avatar
ducksaresnazzy ducksaresnazzy is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: new york
Posts: 2,479
age is no excuse for this. my boyfriend is 19 years old, and has stepped up incredibly (this is an unplanned pregnancy). he helped choose the name, he picks out clothes, and once when i had a sonogram scheduled while he was at work, he asked me to reschedule for a time when he go to because he didn't want to miss seeing her. he's been very involved. he also lives with me at my mom's, and the decision for him to move in was kinda of made between him and my parents back in january. i didn't have a say until they'd already made the arrangements.

anyway, is this a planned pregnancy? that has a lot to do with how men react to the pregnancy. there is also a need in men to "see' things for them to be real. sonogram pictures and heartbeats aren't enough; he might have to physically be holding his daughter for the reality to sink in. if this is an unplanned pregnancy, that disconnect from your pregnancy will be even wider than usual.

maybe you should try communicating differently. you said yourself that you, your family, and his own family are nagging at him, and that's pushing him away. i would suggest asking the families to tone it down and to let the two of you handle it- after all, it's your baby, not theirs. my parents had this problem when my mom was pregnant with me, but my dad was out partying all the time. once my grandparents back off, it was easier for my parents to get their feelings on the table, and they were able to work them out. i understand your families' desires to help you and to make him help you too, but they really can't make him do anything. if he feels like doing things for you is a choice he'll be more inclined to do those things.

about the heritage thing: my boyfriend told me once he prefers latina girls, with long curly dark hair and big brown eyes, short, curvy girls. i'm 5'6, with short blonde hair and blue eyes, and i'm kinda skinny. why is he dating me? my personality. we click. just because you don't look his type, doesn't mean you aren't. what concerned me though is that he said he'd rather your child be white than look like you. that's a racial issue just waiting to happen later, and definitely needs to be addressed.

last thing, and i promise this novel will be over. the decision to stay or go is YOURS. we here, and your family, can only give you advice. we can try to guide you, but ultimately, this is your fiance and the father of your child. that is something you need to consider, and all the fine details the break up would entail: single parenthood, child support/ custody, finances, you still living with your mother, any feelings you may still have for him.

if you need anything, you can message me on here, even if it's just to vent, although you do sound like you have a pretty good support system.
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