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November 21st, 2013, 12:46 PM
nickynoodle nickynoodle is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 4
I have always believed children are a gift... and my first pregnancy ended when I went for an ultrasound at 14 weeks to find the baby had passed at 9 weeks, I ended up having a d&c and it was the worse time of my life... I bet myself up, I turned to drugs and I drunk myself into a state every day and started to break the law and push everybody close to me away. I lost my family, my friends and my partner. It was a huge wake up call when I ended up living in a unroad worthy car I had been given to use. I started to pick up the peices and a few months later found out I was pregnant with my now 4 year old... I was still drinking heavily and occasionally using drugs but the minute I saw the 2 lines it all stopped. It was a hard pregnancy as I had alcohol withdrawls, threatened miscarriages and he stopped growing at 32 weeks.... but he was worth everything I went through and more. 4 months after he was born (im still unsure how as I was on the mini pill and breastfeeding a premy every 2 hours) I feel pregnant again and the next year my 2nd son was born. Life was far from boring and everybody would make comment and say 'oh you have your hands full'. At times I felt awful for my boys because I couldn't give them both the one on one attention they needed but they have turned out pretty **** awesome and they are so close. My partner has actually said with all of my pregnancies that he doesnt want the baby but he did come round with the boys but has said there is no way he will ever accept this one. My family know and are supportive and one of the main reasons I dont think I can have an abortion is because my grandparents who I am very close too couldnt have children and my mum was adopted, how could I have an abortion when there are people that would give anything to be able to have a child like my Nana... even though they are supportive they are not in a position to house me and the boys if needed and over the course of our relationship I have lost all my friends. I will be doing this all on my own and it scares me immensely. My partners mother knows and she said he will come around and that his father was the same with all their 4 children but she has no.idea how anti he is about this pregnancy, he keeps saying its just tissue but I saw the heartbeat and I just cried knowing that this poor innocent life is already hated by one of their parents and the poor thing hasnt even had a chance to prove itself. Thank you for the support it is lovely to be on a site where you can say what you need and be supportes and not shut out.

Last edited by nickynoodle; November 21st, 2013 at 12:53 PM.
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