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February 14th, 2014, 03:49 PM
mamatomany mamatomany is offline
Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 848
Honey, I am so sorry! What your dad said to you is truly awful (and also very illegal, by the way). Couple things:

First, one thing is clear. You love this baby and want to keep him or her. Now is the time to lean on your boyfriend and take a stand against your parents. Clearly this will not be easy. However, this is *your* child. Not theirs. Yes, they raised you and supported you financially, but no truly loving parent will use that to force their adult child to end their baby's life. It's time for you to take a stand, and if necessary, cut ties with them for a while. I firmly believe they will change their tune once their granddaughter or grandson is born, but whether you want to let them back into your life at that point will be up to you.

Bottom line, your boyfriend is supportive. You want your baby. End of story. Considering what you've written here if you go through with the abortion not only will you be heartbroken and wracked with guilt, it will probably destroy any positive relationship you have left with your parents. Not only that, but going along with them when they are acting like this will only give them further reason to pressure you to do whatever they think you should in any area of your life they want to interfere in. It's not healthy for them, and especially not for you.

You are a woman, and more importantly, you are a mother. And you are the only one who can protect your child right now.

Second, it is absolutely not unfair to you or your boyfriend to make a family together. Honestly, that's ridiculous to even say. Just because *they* don't want you to have a baby doesn't mean they can project those feelings onto you or your boyfriend.

Third, the idea that giving the gift of life and love to a little baby is somehow 'selfish' is so silly it's unbeleivable. Motherhood is all about unselfishness, giving, and self sacrifice for someone you love so much it hurts. Please don't let anyone tell you these feelings you have aren't beautiful.

My two cents? Here's what you need to do.
1. Open up to your boyfriend. Talk to him about how your parents are treating you and ask for his emotional support to stand up to them. This is not just about your baby, it's about the rest of your life. You need to draw a line in the sand and show them that you and your boyfriend stand together and are grownups. It will be great to have a good relationship with the , and hopefully that will happen someday, but giving in to unloving and bullying pressure will NOT get you to a good relationship with them.

2. Choose life, choose excitement, choose happiness. Surround yourself with friends who can be excited for you. Your town probably has MOPS (a moms group) or various playgroups and they will welcome you with open arms. It's totally fine that your baby is still on the inside. A lot of your current girlfriends will probably be super excited too -- find someone to go shopping with you. Pick out a baby outfit or something maternity wear. This is your pregnancy, and don't let negativity spoil these first few months.

3. I know this is going to sound serious, but if you at all think your father is going to do what he said and come try to force you to get an abortion please call the police and look into getting a restraining order. If you think it's just a threat to manipulate you emotionally I advise you to stop answering his calls. Seriously, not another one. It's totally unacceptable to treat you that way.

Anyway, I wish I could give you a big hug and a cup of coffee! I can't imagine what you're going through and I'll be praying for strength for you. It must be so hard to have parents acting that way. Don't give up on your baby, mama. You've got this, keep your eye on that sweet prize and take a stand for what you know you want. You will never, ever regret that, no matter how hard it is.
Brooke, happy mama to one girl (9), and four boys (7, 5, 3, and 2) and a surprise post-vasectomy miracle baby born February 7.
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