Topic: Mama check in
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March 28th, 2014, 02:01 PM
Elly M.'s Avatar
Elly M. Elly M. is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,308
I'll start by saying I can't imagine life without my little man in it. He has completed our family, DS1 adores him, and he is DH and my sunshine. Chase is amazing, and I can't believe how blessed I am to have two amazing sons. Not a moment goes by that I am not amazed by my children, and I never take them for granted.

However, at the moment......

I don't feel like myself at all. This is the first time in my adult life that I am not working 1 or 2 jobs, training a few horses a day, fixing fences all day, and other farm work from sun up to sun down. I love that I am a stay at home mom, it's amazing. I wouldn't change it for anything. However, physically I feel weak, fat (sorry, but it's true), and too much like the stereotypical "house wife". There is nothing wrong with that, but if we are all being honest, it's just not "me". I was always the one working right along side the men, with my work boots, jeans, and spurs. Now I live in yoga pants..... A part of me really longs for the "cowgirl" as people called me, that I was not long ago.

I blame a lot of it on my knee. Having a torn ACL and MCL really holds you back. Now that I had the surgery, I can start to workout again in a few months. I was always very fit, weighing in anywhere between 120 and 130 at 5'7", right now I'm still at 150. I know that's not a big deal, but I have always had issues with self image. I have had issues with that since highschool, even when I weighed 112 (which at my height is too thin). So I am really struggling with my emotions over this. I don't even sleep in the same room as DH because I am ashamed of my body. Silly, I know, but it's something I can't overcome, even thoughi know it's ridiculous. So back to the question, mostly I'm great, I just need to get little bits of my "old self" back in time and find balance and patience.

Sorry to go on and on at my dirty laundry, talk about rambling, lol! It's just one of those days, and it felt good to get it out..... Sorry!!
Proud wife to Paul
Blessed Mom to Shawn

5/25/03 with us for 6 months
8/11/12 with us for 5 weeks

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