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April 19th, 2007, 02:18 PM
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MrsPil MrsPil is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Quad Cities
Posts: 1,305
I'm due on Dec. 6, I believe. I'm trying to get DH to come around to the idea of a homebirth. My dream would be to have a UCHB, but since it's our first, I'll have a midwife at least.

Question- I really hate the attitude of 'well I'm the pregnant one so I'll name/dress/whatever the baby the way I want no matter what DH says', but do you think that is an acceptable argument when it comes to birthing? I mean, I'm the one that has to physically do it, so why should I have to work so hard to convince him to let me do it the way I'd feel most comfortable, right? Or am I missing something?[/b]
This was an issue for me in the beginning, but eventually I came to the realization if I was going to be raped and my husband were ok with it I still wouldn't want to be raped. Yes your DH's say is important, but in the end it is your body and your decision. Being forced to give birth in a way with which you are not comfortable is rape, hands down. And it's up to you to stop it. If that means he gets pissed then maybe he needs to take a cold hard look at how he feels about you and your body.

There are some great arguments for having an unassisted birth. Depending on the state your midwife may not be allowed to attend without some ridiculous stipulations, and a MW who doesn't care about those stipulations would be illegal. Also there are some MWs who are just as bad as OBs but don't show it until you are in labor. I know there are women who love their midwives and that's great for them. Me I loved having no one but my closest friend and family around me while I was in labor. Even having them there was distracting enough that I think if my labor were going to be shorter next time I wouldn't want any of them around.

In the end I firmly believe that pregnancy and birth are the only times when a mans say should have little or no meaning. And if your husband loves and respects you he'll trust your decision. I know it's a tough call but it's yours to make. Good luck!
"I trust birth—not birth attendants—for if you only trust birth that is attended then you really don't trust birth at all. You trust the attendant. And then you start over. Who? Doctor, surgeon, CNM, CPM, SIM? And it goes on and on...." - Carla Hartley
"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win." -Gandhi
"What good fortune for those in power that people do not think." - Adolph Hitler

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