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December 3rd, 2007, 10:53 AM
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In April 2006 we found out I was pregnant for the first time and it was only our 3rd month of trying. Everything was great and at the 11 week checkup (in June) we were supposed to be able to hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doctor couldn't find it so she scheduled me for an u/s the next day. I was sure everything was okay and my doctor reassured me that it was.
When I was having the ultrasound done I could see the screen but I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be seeing. I realized a spot on the screen that was my baby and I asked the tech if it was alive. She said it depends on how far along I am. That's all she really said. She didn't tell me what was going on. After I got dressed I realized that it wasn't good and immediately started freaking out. She said she called the doctor and the doctor said she would call me that day to let me know what was going on. I didn't hear from the doctor at all that day and had to actually call the office the next day to find anything out. She told me the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and 4 days. She then asked if I had any cramping or spotting, which I did not. She scheduled me for a D&C the following Monday.
It was so surreal after the surgery. I was put completely under so it was like a dream when I woke up. I didn't really fully understand what happened until the next day when the morphine wore off. I was out of work that whole week, thank God. I was a mess and could not have dealt with what was to come from my coworkers.
There was a girl that I worked with who I had been friends with up until that point. When I came back to work, she didn't speak a word to me. Only a few people expressed any recognition of what had happened to me (everyone knew I was pregnant before) and out of those only one of those was a friend before this all happened. There was a rumor going around that instead of a miscarriage I actually had an abortion. Please be informed that most of these people are really uneducated and do not understand the concept of planned pregnancies and birth control, much less that a woman can have what is called a "missed miscarriage." Instead of asking questions they assumed that I just changed my mind on this baby I had intentionally conceived and decided it would be best to murder it.
After that I asked to be transferred to a different building. I was able to heal much better without being around such ugly monsters. In early August I got another BFP after trying for one month and I am still carrying that baby today. I am 20 weeks pregnant and everything is going great so far. I am still in fear of losing this baby, especially after finding out we are having a little girl. Knowing that she is a girl has brought me so much closer to her and I am definitely not taking this pregnancy for granted.
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