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-   -   Baby Shower? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f84-adoption/699855-baby-shower.html)

KatConto August 22nd, 2007 08:07 PM

Is it wrong for me to want to have a baby shower for the baby once the adoption is finalized? I've got a few family members that I'm sure won't come, and my S.I.L. and brother that are letting my DH and myself adopt the child I don't think would come. I would totally understand that, I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt them or offend them, I realise this isn't going to be easy on either of them. And they are going to need some time to deal with it. I just was wondering if I'm being selfish in wanting to have a baby shower for the baby. The due dat is in Nov., and we'll be flying to South Carolina for Chirstmas so my husband can see his daughter, son-in-law and two grand children which he hasn't seen in three years. So I was thinking sometime after we got back from our trip would be the best time to have one. Was also wondering if it would be wrong of me to be the one throwing it since it more or less seems no one else in my family has even mentioned having one for us.

BensMom August 22nd, 2007 08:48 PM

Hmmmm... that's a sticky one. "Etiquette" says you're not supposed to throw yourself one whether the baby's adopted or not. What about starting a wish list and/or registry at some stores. Then, when people ask what you want for xmas, you can also mention that the baby has a wish list. Using big names (like walmart or babiesrus) would allow people to ship gifts to you rather than traveling (if it's not possible to travel) or feeling akward (if they'd rather not sit through a shower). Sorry... I'm really no help on this one. :confused:

It's only August. Is it possible that friends or people from work or whatever are either waiting for the baby to be officially adopted, or waiting to surprise you? My son was due in November, and both of my showers (work and church) came late in October.

KatConto August 22nd, 2007 08:57 PM

I have a registery at Wal-Mart, so that's a good thing and as time gets closer to November and I've been given things or bought things I edit my registry. Next month some time we should be ready to start getting the nursery set up once we are at that point I'll send out notice that I have a baby registery at walmart and just go from there I guess, I kinda knew it wasn't proper to throw one for myself.

As for people at work throwing me one .. well I work at home taking care of my mother so I don't think that will happen. LOL

As for others waiting to surprise me that maybe so .. since they maybe waiting till after the adoption is finalized. Thank you for your answer thought it gave me something to think about.

m_westbro August 22nd, 2007 09:45 PM

It's definitely not wrong or selfish to want to celebrate your new baby with your family and friends! I can see how adopting from a family member could make the whole shower thing a little sticky though. I was thrown showers for both my daughters a few months after we adopted them. My best friend had a party for each of them at her house, and it was really more of a "meet and greet" than a traditional shower (especially Jacey's, since she was 5 1/2 and we didn't need baby stuff). It's great that you have a gift registry already, that will definitely come in handy with Christmas coming so soon after the baby is born.

People handle the whole shower issue with adoption in many different ways, so my advice is just to hang tight and see what happens as the time gets closer. You never know what someone may have in mind for after the baby is home and things are finalized.

KatConto August 23rd, 2007 08:46 AM

I guess I was just asking because I have two family members that are up set with my DH and I and the birthparents over this whole adoption. They feel that the birthparents should keep the baby and have told them that on many occassions and also told them that my feelings should not be considered if they do keep it. Now we have talked with the both my brother and S.I.L. and we know that they are not and will not be backing out of this, they want us to to adopt this child. In fact it's my brother that has been busting his butt every weekend to be down here and help us build the addition on so it'll be done in time for us to turn our present bedroom into the nursery.

I have cousins and friends that keep coming up to me and asking if we'll be having a baby shower and to be honest I tell them I just don't know. I want to have it after the baby is born, I think it would be ackward on my SIL if we were to have it sooner. I mean she's the one pregnate and I'm the one getting all the stuff. I'm trying really hard to not upset her or hurt her feelings, I am trying to remain compassionate with everything she's going through. I'm grateful for this gift she is giving me and I don't want to offend her in any way.

O.K. now that I've rambeled off topic I'll stop typing .. LOL thanks for the words of advice and things to think about.

lblackst August 23rd, 2007 05:19 PM

I threw a "Celebrate Adoption Party" for each of my adopted kids. It was more of a party, but family and friends still brought gifts.

KatConto August 23rd, 2007 05:28 PM

<span style="font-family:Georgia">Now I really like th sound of doing something like that. It sounds fun and festive .. LOL I'll have to keep all these ideas in a safe place to go through at a latter time.</span>

lblackst August 23rd, 2007 05:45 PM

They were fun. My daughter's was like a pink theme/tea party. My son's was a Elmo/cookout.

BensMom August 23rd, 2007 06:39 PM

I agree... a celebration in leiu of a shower is a great idea! :bluecheer:

KatConto August 24th, 2007 08:17 AM

I think we'll most likely do the celebration that way we can do it at our liesure and in our own time frame.

Emerysmom August 27th, 2007 08:52 PM

we had showers with both kids. Friends threw them for us. A welcome home party would work too, but you deserve the party to show off your happy family.

lblackst August 28th, 2007 07:57 PM

Yes! And your adopted kids need to have the same 'specialness' that birth kids get/got. I adopted 2 first and then had a birth baby- and I'm so glad I threw parties for my adopted kiddos!

KatConto August 31st, 2007 11:41 AM

Last weekend I had a family member that approached me about when I would like to have a baby shower thrown for me, I suggested after the holidays towards the beginning of next year. I also stated about throwing a adoption party once it was finalized so it looks as if we'll be having both. I want to have the party closer to the adoption finalization date. And than some time in January we should be ready for the baby shower. It will give us time to get settled in and rested up from our Christmas trip to South Carolina to spend the holiday with my husbands daughter and her family.

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