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-   -   Caitlyn2013 (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f295-am-i-pregnant/2676120-caitlyn2013.html)

BrandieLee September 1st, 2013 11:22 PM

Hi hun, I've been checking to see if there are any updates with you and I haven't seen you post. So I'm a bit worried. Are you ok? How are things going? Did you talk to the dad or your parents?

The main thing I want you to know is you do have support here. All these ladies are wonderful. They have so much advice. If wasn't for justmommies I probably would have gone insane by now.

Please let us know how you are

HoldingOnToYou September 2nd, 2013 04:44 AM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I've been worried as well. Cait, pm me and I will give you my number. Things will be okay, hunny.

caitlyn2013 September 2nd, 2013 04:31 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013

That is the sweetest thing!! Thank you for your concern, first positive thing since my pregnancy test!!! So, I went to the doctor, he confirmed I am pregnant. Now, it's just about making a choice, a choice I thought I would NEVER have to make. Everyone (Including the father and my parents) are encouraging me to terminate, being that I am low-income and am just starting college this week. I do not want to go that route and am severely depressed when I think about it.

I really don't know what to do. I have an appointment for counselling in 10 days, the longer I wait, the harder it is.

Emma and Avas mommy September 2nd, 2013 06:44 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
oh hun im so sorry. I was pressured once before to terminate and it was horrible. It was so much harder on me emotionally than a miscarriage. Please if you need to talk you can pm me and i will give you my contact info. I know that I was one of the hardest on you in the beginning but i understand what you are going through and im sorry.

dmarie84 September 2nd, 2013 09:23 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I am so sorry you're going through this. If you are having reservations about terminating, don't do it. It will ultimately cause you more grief if you do something you are against.

I am proud that you are going to do counseling :) And remember, you can go the adoption route. There are many options out there and I am glad you've come here to find support. It's important to have that now.

Sending you hugs! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. PM if you need to talk! I wish you lived closer to support you in person.

JewJewB September 3rd, 2013 08:12 AM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I completely agree. This has to be your decision. You're the one who has to live with it. Not them... I'm so sorry you aren't getting any support from your family. We are all here for you though.

BrandieLee September 4th, 2013 04:15 AM

Re: Caitlyn2013
Omg let me just say I am outraged that anyone would try to force termination on someone else. When I got pregnant with my son at 17 my parents were upset but in the end they assured me that it was my choice and they would be there. Needless to say I have a 17yr old son who is getting ready to go to college to be an astronaut! He's an amazing person.

Hun just remember the final decision is yours and we will all be here for you no matter what you choose.

My many many prayers are with you during this hard time

YellieBean September 4th, 2013 09:00 AM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I really felt compelled to tell you that I was once in almost exactly your situation as far as becoming pregnant at 20. I was with an extremely abusive guy who was not only emotionally, verbally abusive, but eventually became physically abusive. It took me quite some time to figure out I was so much better than that and I eventually left him and went on to better myself. I know that's not your situation, but as far as being pregnant and not knowing what to do. I knew what I needed/wanted to do and I did at that time. I was young and I cannot say I have any regrets honestly. I really have not wanted to say anything to any of the great ladies here about this because most people want babies so badly and it's awful to see for some that someone would terminate. I did what I felt I needed to do in the situation that I was in. I will tell you that now that I am at the point in my life I am at, I wouldn't terminate a pregnancy no matter what, but that is MY personal belief and opinion and we all must have our own.
I will say this though, adoption is a wonderful thing so if that's something you could be considering, just know how much you are blessing a couple that cannot have a child of their own. My husband was adopted as a newborn and he is such a wonderful man and I am such a lucky person to have found him and I'm blessed to call him my husband now.
My reasoning for sharing is to tell you that there is no judgement here. You do what you feel is right, but you never, ever let someone push you into something you don't want to do. This is your baby and your decision and if you have any doubts about what the right thing is then you really have some soul searching to do.
I can say that at this point in my life, I want a child badly, but so far have not accomplished this, but I know that we will. I have grown up and that's what it takes most of the time. Anyway, I just wanted to say that it's not hopeless and if you ever want to talk, I am also here for you.

seraphina September 4th, 2013 10:02 AM

Re: Caitlyn2013
Awe hon- sorry this is so hard. Please don't terminate. Especially if you don' t want to. There are so many options out there- and financial help too. Adoption is a great option if you feel you can't raise a child on your own- you can even do an open one if you'd like to know your son/daughter.
Praying for you :)

jjustice12 September 4th, 2013 05:07 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I sent u an email not sure if u got it cause it wouldn't let me pm u on here. But omg. I can't believe they could actually tell u to do that. That breaks my heart. The ladies are right only u can make this choice. But you are already feeling strongly that u don't want to terminate an are depressed im afraid it will be 10 times worse if u do go through with it. I'm sorry if that's out of line to say but omg this is a life. I'm sorry. I personally know a lady that for yrs tried to have a baby an was finally told by her dr that she could never have a baby. Then a 19yr old girl that was date raped and got pregnant could not go through with terminating gave her the baby. That baby is sooooo spoiled an her birth mom keeps in contact with my friend to find out how Kayla is an also sends her things. So please consider giving the baby to a woman like my friend that longs sooooo much for a baby before u consider terminating, I'm sooooo sorry if anything I say offends u but I feel I have to give u my opinion. I had my son at 16 so I know how scary it can be. I had to get on food stamps and Medicaid, but I did it. Please talk to any of us on here if you need to an as much as u need to. Don't be afraid to tell us anything. That's what we are here for to support each other in the good an bad times. I'm praying sooooo hard for u

caitlyn2013 September 5th, 2013 07:47 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
Hi All,

Thank you so much for your support. You are all such wonderful women - truly. It is so amazing to get some straight-from-the-heart opinions and advice that focuses on my feelings rather than anyone else's.

So, I went to the counselling session this afternoon. I was kind of hoping the counsellor would just tell me what to do, but it was more like "I understand your situation" kind of deal. Which I mean, was amazing, but doesn't really help in my decision making. We talked through some options, I got a butt-load of pamphlets, and left there feeling the same uncertainty I went in there with.

I booked an appointment with a social worker for tomorrow to talk about financial options/support.

My boyfriend asked me how the meeting went, and I told him everything aforementioned. I also told him that the counsellor said that he was being "less-than-supportive". Perhaps that was mean of me to tell him. He didn't take kindly to that.

I told him this all via email, as that's how he asked.. and here is his response.
"Mark Palmer
good luck
You're a ******* selfish idiot if ou decide to keep the baby
stop being such a god **** drama queeen
it will ruin your life, my life, your families life
everything because you ******* feel bad
selfish childish"

Am I being selfish? Or stupid? I have no money to raise a kid and quite frankly, (don't know if it's the hormones or not) have had some suicidal thoughts,. I couldn't go through with it. Though at this point I'm not sure what I really have to live for. I'm not sure if I'm emotionally stable enough to handle myself, let alone a baby. But that's all I want to do.

Because of my depression, I've been lying on the couch all day. feeling less-than productive. I failed to do my chores today, as I couldn't find the motivation to get up.
My parents screamed at me and told me they don't want me to live at home anymore and that I'm useless and stupid. I understand why they are feeling stressed themselves..but after telling them of my suicidal thoughts, I was hoping they'd be a little more understanding, and not flip out on me for not cleaning the kitchen today.

I left the house and walked all the way to the hospital during there screaming fit (I was hiding under the blankets in my room while they were upstairs) and was going to check myself into the psych ward. I've been there 3 times for 'suicidal tendencies'. When I got there, I realized I didn't wanna be there. They ignore you all day and act like you're crazy. Not a healthy/happy environment. I guess this isn't either. I kept on walking, and when it got too cold I decided to sneak back home - I have no where else to go.

I would really, really prefer not to be in this situation. The thing that breaks my heart is some women try SO hard, and are unable to conceive. Yet here I am, having the worst time of my life.

Aren't I supposed to be happy? I hate myself for not being happy.

JewJewB September 5th, 2013 08:43 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
I am so so sorry that you are surrounded with such negative and selfish people. Yes, THEY are the ones who are being selfish....NOT YOU! Please make a decision to take the idea of suicide off of the table. It's a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Things WILL get better! If you can't support a baby, but don't want to terminate the pregnancy, there is always the option of adoption. There are also agencies where the adopting family pays for your medical expenses. I'm sure the counselor went over all of this with you. I really wish there was a way for you to have a better surrounding and support system around you at this time. You are definitely not useless or stupid. You just got caught. The huge majority of us put ourselves in a situation in which this could have happened at a young age. You can do this!! Again, we're here if you need us.

seraphina September 6th, 2013 12:13 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013

Originally Posted by JewJewB (Post 27635156)
I am so so sorry that you are surrounded with such negative and selfish people. Yes, THEY are the ones who are being selfish....NOT YOU! Please make a decision to take the idea of suicide off of the table. It's a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Things WILL get better! If you can't support a baby, but don't want to terminate the pregnancy, there is always the option of adoption.


I totally agree with this. You are NOT being selfish- you are taking into consideration that you have a human LIFE inside of you- one that can not speak for themselves.
Also- it's ok to be scared. And please stop beating yourself up b/c you dont' 'feel' happy. You are in a difficult situation- and that comes with allot of mixed emotions that is totally NORMAL. YOU are normal.

I obviously don't know you- but I want you to know that I am praying for you. You matter- this life you are carrying matters... I know you feel overwhelmed and alone- but there is support out there. If you have anyone- a freind, relative, or even a host family(try thru a church)...it would be a good idea to try to stay with somone who loves you and is supportive of you.

HoldingOnToYou September 6th, 2013 01:45 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
Oh babe, I've been there. My baby's father told me he would never love me again if I kept the child. We waited until the second trimester to tell family, who offered to pay for a late term abortion. I kept my baby, and the father apologized. He was just scared, and we're getting married within the year. My sister ended up trying to kill herself 'because my having a child ruined her life'.

But my two year old is wonderful and happy, and her father and I make it by.

Everyone is different. Have you considered adoption? You've already told family, and really that's the hardest part of an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe they'll be supportive. And it would give another family a child that they have always dreamed of.

jjustice12 September 7th, 2013 06:20 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
Omg i just cant believe how ur parents and ur boyfriend is acting. Id like to get ahold of him. :/ honestly i dont think he's worth your time or the babys. He dont sound like a person thats gonna do right by the baby or u. Is there a friend u could stay with instead of your parents? What state do u live in? I wish i was there u could stay with me. Id help u any way i could. An please dont consider ending your life. I know god can give us a lot to bear sometimes but he never gives us more than we can handle. You will get through this an you will be a stronger person because of it. You may not have support from them but u do here. Even though we dont know you out there we are a family here. You may not feel the love from them but that baby loves u an thinks your perfect. I am praying soo hard for u please talk to us anytime

BrandieLee September 7th, 2013 10:23 PM

Re: Caitlyn2013
OMGoodness Caitlyn2013 I wish I could wrap u up in my arms and bring you home. To my home. Give you a place to call home that you could feel safe in.

How did the social worker appointment go? And to hell with the baby daddy. He is an emotionally abusive prick and you don't deserve to be treated or talked to that way.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Please let me know how you are doing

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