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-   -   Sensitive (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f97-attachment-parenting/2646287-sensitive.html)

IronMamma April 26th, 2013 04:37 PM

I have always been labeled as "sensitive". I know I am, I am an emotional person but there are certain things that I am called sensitive for and I really feel like I am not being sensitive at all.

My best child hood friend does not have any kids. She wants them, but just does not have them. She knows that I basically bring Drake everywhere with me. Yes, one little reason is because I do not have anyone to watch him since DH works, but honestly, I am not ready to leave him with anyone. I am very attached to him, and the few times that I did have someone watch him while I shower or something like that he was not played with or anything, basically ignored so I said I will not put him into a situation like that again. I will feel more comfortable leaving him with someone when he can pick up the phone and call me. Well, when I was on SI I hung out with her a few times, and I brought Drake. I wanted her to meet him and I feel so at ease when he is with me. Anyways, we were talking the other day and she was telling me about this girl she works with has a daughter who is 8 and she always brings her to work with her. (They are hair dressers) and she watches her Mom cut hair and they hang out all day, and laugh and are just like BFF's. My friend was telling me that when she had kids she does not want them to be attached to her. She wants them to cry it out, she wants them to be independent and she said she would never ever let her child come watch her cut hair. I get it, every person has a view as to how they want to raise there kids, and when they do have kids, they have the right to parent the way they want. Well I said, "I would not mind if Drake wanted to watch me cut hair." She says "Jess, you need to let him go, if I was you I would not want him with me all the time." I did not argue obviously, but in my head I was like "Is this girl serious right now?"

I do not expect every mother to AP or to even want a close bond with there kids but really?...so I was saying how I do not mind that he is attached, I like that he knows he can count on me and so on and for this I get told I am too sensitive, that kids need to be let go. Um...he is 16 months....wow....

I just think she is crazy for even thinking like this. I don't know. It kinda irritated me. Motherhood makes you look at people different. Even people you were incredibly close with.

mama_2_Callen April 26th, 2013 06:35 PM

Re: Sensitive
I am often called sensitive too. Its annoying because I really don't think I am being sensitive. I totally understand where you are coming from. I want my kids to know that I will always be there for them and they can come to me for anything. They are only little for such a short time I want to cherish that. I hope my kids and I can be BFFs! That being said I do want them to trust other people too and like them. I need a break from them sometimes just to keep myself sane. And by break I mean like a 20 minute shower or a cup of coffee in the morning, or maybe an occasional night out. (thats happened like 4 times since my son was born 3 years ago). But I need those little breaks so I can be a better parent to them. I just recharge and I am fine. But I am still super attached to them and don't want to leave them.

I agree being a mom has made me see peoples true colors.

IronMamma April 27th, 2013 12:53 AM

Re: Sensitive
I agree that Mothers do need alone time, and time to think and breathe. I just kinda thought it was odd that she has all these thoughts already as to how she is going to raise her child. Ok, well we all do. But she plans to let it CIO, not be attached and does not want the baby to want her all the time. What is the point of wanting kids? All babies want there Mammas. :(

mama_2_Callen April 27th, 2013 05:19 AM

Re: Sensitive
Yeah that is true. Maybe she will change her mind once she has kids. I have definitely changed a lot. I never thought about how I was gonna raise my kids it all just came so natural. That's why I don't understand cio or spanking it goes against all my instincts.

IronMamma April 27th, 2013 01:33 PM

Re: Sensitive
Exactly. CIO is soooo against my instincts and DEF spanking. It just does not seem right.

CrunchyMommaTo2 April 27th, 2013 02:23 PM

I'm very sensitive too and just a little over 2 weeks into parenting my own child I have already really distanced myself from a lot of people including some family members.
I picked up LO when he started fussing and got told "babies need to scream and cry". Really what need is that!? How does that help my child in any way, he's a newborn!
I've been told my child will starve to death because I'm EBF and that he needs to be given bottles. Hmm well he gained a whole pound in his first two weeks so I'm positive I'm not starving him.
When we had him baptized last weekend everyone wanted to hold him and I put my foot down and said absolutely not he's only a week old. Well that really irritated some family members who told me he needs to be passed around to help his immune system and so that he likes being held by everyone.
I want my child attached to me, to trust me always, and know that I'm there for him. I don't plan on leaving him with anyone except DH for a very long time, and even that wouldn't be for long since I'm EBF. I know everyone has a different opinion but I just don't understand having a child if you pretty much want nothing to do with them and expect them to STTN from the start.

IronMamma April 27th, 2013 02:32 PM

Re: Sensitive
I have done the same thing. My son is 16 months old and in these last 16 months I have lost so many so called friends and family. It's so pathetic that people can get so butt hurt over the way you parent a child. One night at dinner with my Mom and her bf Drake started to fuss, I had not even eaten yet so after attempting to calm him down I got up, went into the living room and started to play with him, and then when he calmed down I went back to eat my cold mean. Well her bf said to me "Babies need to cry. I cried, and I am fine." First of all I hate when people say they did something and they are fine because it's usually about crying or spanking and second off how am I affecting YOU that you need to make comments to me? Who cares that my dinner is cold, my son comes before me eating. I am him Mom and he needs me and I WILL be there no matter what. Ugh I hate the he needs to build an immune system thing. When Drake was 1 week old I had to go to the store, I took him and kept him in his carseat with a blanket over him. He was fussing and I was EBF at the time so I took him out to feed him, when I was done DH wanted to hold him so I said ok, and this guy came up to him and put his hand out like he was going to touch him and I explained no he was just a week old and I swear, this guy looked at me like I just burnt his house down. Even if you do not agree, do not show you don't and make the Mother feel stupid. I agree that you will not leave him with anyone. I have yet to leave Drake, I do not want too and also, I do not trust anyone with him besides DH since everyone seems to think babies can cry, be alone, not be played with and what have you.

alwayssmile April 27th, 2013 11:16 PM

Re: Sensitive
My first thought when I read your post was "but she doesn't have kids so who knows what she will really do..." When baby came and things changed for me. I didn't know I was going to be AP till my son was born. And then I was. Maybe she won't be AP-ish, but maybe once she has her own child she'll realize why some moms are okay with their child being around all the time.

IronMamma April 28th, 2013 01:19 AM

Re: Sensitive
True. I guess it just kinda "upsets" me when I hear a woman talk about how NOT attached she wants to be to her future child. I don't know. I guess I am weird. :(

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