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-   -   there must be a better way... right? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f97-attachment-parenting/2646453-there-must-better-way-right.html)

Mrs. Lainez April 27th, 2013 06:22 PM

there must be a better way... right?
my daughter is 16.5 months old and is quite independent in the sleep department. I night-weaned her at 12 months and she hardly seemed to notice. she falls asleep on her own; assistance of any kind only seems to annoy or stimulate her. she does however need someone to stay with her until she falls asleep. this is mainly because our family bed consists of two floor futons. that's where I come in. I (or occasionally dh) sit (or lie down) and act as a human guardrail as she rolls around until she conks out. at least that's how it had been going until recently. lately she's been too wound up both at naptime and bedtime. instead of just rolling around she tries to practically run off the bed. I don't let her leave but it's all a game to her and she laughs hysterically every time I lay her back down. it takes well over half an hour to get her to sleep, and sometimes much longer. it's frustrating and since I'm 36 weeks pregnant it's physically exhausting too. she typically goes to bed around 8-8:30pm. any earlier and she's up way too early; any later and dh and I get zero time together. (he usually goes to bed by 10pm.) her bedtime routine is dinner, bath, nurse, brush teeth, story, kiss papa (or occasionally mama) goodnight, and off to bed. I doubt I'll have the ability to do this after the baby is born. ” delegate to dh” isn't a real option because he's only home in time for bedtime about half the time. any ideas?

IronMamma April 27th, 2013 08:02 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Sounds like my son. Sometimes. He will roll around when it's bed time and it can take him 30 minutes or more to fall asleep, and he also runs off the bed. I stopped bringing him back onto the bed, I lay there quiet and the lights are off and he will come back on his own. He does this when he is "tired" but not bed ready. He will show signs of sleepyness, I will give him his bottle and he will kinda get rejuvenated. Happens not very often but when it does I get tired myself laying there with him until he falls asleep. :giggle: Our mattress is also on the floor, it makes co - sleeping so much easier.

I can only imagine how tired you are being 36 weeks pregnant. I would utilize DH as much as you can once the new baby is born. Bottom line, you are going to need help every now and then. Newborns are easier then toddlers (in my experience) and I would think that you could do night time together? Maybe your toddler will go to sleep a little easier since she is the big sister now? You never know. Things might change for the better.

But honestly, I do not have THAT much advice since I only have one child and I have not had to add a newborn to the mix. There are so many BTDT Mammas here, I am sure someone will have some great advice for you. Good luck! I hope you get some rest since that baby will be here soon!

NinjaCakes April 27th, 2013 10:58 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
That is tough. I've dealt with this type of napper/sleeper, but never when another child was there needing my attention. That would definitely be a difficulty. I don't mean to discourage you at all. I've done this both the way you mention (keeping them on the bed) and the way IM mentions (letting them walk around and come back on their own).

I think part of finding what works depends on what the child is used to. There was one little boy who threw one unholy tantrum when I tried to keep him in his bed and sit next to him, so I just let him run confined to the room. He would come back and lay down next to me, get up and run, come back, get up, over and over. I know how exhausting that is, and it tests everyone's patience because they get more tired and fussy as time goes on. That was what we did every day though, and most days he fell asleep on his own with no fuss. It was his routine.

A little girl I watched would just go and go and go no matter how tired she was. She would not fall asleep unless she was made to stay put. She fussed a little, some days a lot, but it was the only way to get her to nap before a time that was so late it would have her up all night. There was another little boy who was so used to falling asleep to the tv that it was the only way to keep him still long enough to fall asleep. He would zone out and eventually drift off.

Like so many things, there's no set right answer. It would be nice if there was! It sounds to me like she thinks this is a game, and that may be giving her energy to keep playing it. It might be easier for you to let her get up and come back when she wants to. Do you think she would nap? It doesn't work with all kids but it might be worth trying for a week or so. It may also help if it is in a room with very little stimulation for her to engage in (toys, tv, etc). That is unless something like music, tv, or toys might keep her concentration long enough for her to zone out. It may even change from day to day; it is hard to know.

I really wish you luck! I hope you can find the way that works for you both soon.

mama_2_Callen April 28th, 2013 08:16 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Thats tough. My kids are 17 months apart and I know exactly how exhausted you are feeling right now. Hugs. I am afraid I don't really have much advice as my son stayed in his bed. Although I noticed with him if I was there he wouldn't fall asleep but if I left he would go to sleep right away. I hated leaving him but he slept soo much better on his own. And honestly it was nice once my daughter came because then I could just go lay him down snuggle for a minute and then go lay with my daughter to get her to sleep. Hope you can figure something out soon!

Mrs. Lainez April 28th, 2013 11:29 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
thanks ladies. even if I have the patience to let her run around the room I just don't have the stamina to stay awake. I think I'll try offering her some chamomile tea tonight. hopefully it'll help to relax her since the bedtime routine seems to be failing to do so...

IronMamma April 28th, 2013 03:25 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
If you do offer her chamomile tea at night I hope that works. I never had any luck with that. :( I also know what you mean about not having the stamina to stay awake. It can be hard. I always remind myself (and others) this is not forever. Hang in there Mamma.

Mrs. Lainez April 29th, 2013 01:11 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
well I think the chamomile tea ma have helped somewhat. she drank half the cup. her energy level was markedly decreased; she was just quietly rolling around for 25 minutes before falling asleep. I'll try it again tonight.
that being said it just took me an hour to get her down for her nap. not even lying down with her helped this time; she just wanted to climb all over me and poke my face. >_<
I really hope this is just a (quickly) passing phase. in the mean time I'll just keep looking for solutions and I'll I'll try to keep my attitude in check...

IronMamma April 29th, 2013 01:39 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
I would imagine that works for some, and then not for others? It does not even work for me. Who knows. :shrugs: I am glad it seemed to work for you though. Let us know how it goes tonight. It could be a phase. Like I said earlier, Drake has done this too, then other times not. Babies will sleep when they are tired, I would not worry too much. But I totally understand how tireing it can be.

Mrs. Lainez April 29th, 2013 08:28 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
guess it wasn't the miracle I thought it was after all. dh volunteered to get her to sleep tonight. (yay!) she drank the whole cup of chamomile tea tonight and just after 10pm they're both asleep after an hour and a half(!) i feel badly, as if it's somehow my fault or that it's up to me to have a quick fix for it...

IronMamma April 30th, 2013 02:20 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
That's great that they are sleeping at 10. That's a good time! It is not your fault. You are trying to get some sleep too. Hang in there. It will get better. I struggle at bed time too as you know so I can sympathize.

Mrs. Lainez April 30th, 2013 10:19 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
well i got dd to sleep in only 15 minutes tonight. i'm not proud of how i achieved that though. no it didn't involve crying or drugs. but it did involve some loving physical restraint. (i can explain!)
after just a 40 minute nap in the afternoon she was rather mellow for the rest of the day. she was obviously very tired but got a second wind at bedtime (of course). she was full of energy, trying repeatedly to walk out of bed. she just couldn't even entertain the idea of relaxing. like the girl NinjaCakes described i knew she just needed to stay put. so i tried laying my leg across her back with only enough pressure to prevent her from rolling over or escaping. she fought it and whined intermittently for a few minutes but was fast asleep after five minutes. it was bittersweet but i won't lie: after dealing with this issue for over a week having some quiet time with dh tonight was more sweet than bitter!
i just wonder whether or not it would be appropriate to continue doing this.

IronMamma April 30th, 2013 11:53 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Was she upset that your leg was holding her down? I would have not done that but I am not here to bash you either. I'm glad she went to bed for you. How is she now? Has she stayed asleep? I hope that tomorrow night goes better for you and her.

Mrs. Lainez May 1st, 2013 06:19 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
she was definitely trying to escape but she wasn't crying. she woke up once last night as per usual and she seems to be fine this morning. i hope so...

mama_2_Callen May 1st, 2013 06:48 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Aw I am sorry that you are still struggling. How many naps does she take and for how long? Maybe you need to adjust her naps so that she is tired at night. I know she is still young to stop naps but that is around the age the my son started to really fight naps. I found that if I was consistent with naps right at 12 and didn't let him sleep past 2 bedtime was a little more manageable. Hugs!

Mrs. Lainez May 1st, 2013 07:12 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?

Originally Posted by mama_2_Callen (Post 27330751)
Aw I am sorry that you are still struggling. How many naps does she take and for how long? Maybe you need to adjust her naps so that she is tired at night. I know she is still young to stop naps but that is around the age the my son started to really fight naps. I found that if I was consistent with naps right at 12 and didn't let him sleep past 2 bedtime was a little more manageable. Hugs!

she's ready for a nap around 12:30pm but i try to hold her out until 1pm or later because otherwise her nap will probably be too short (under an hour).

mama_2_Callen May 1st, 2013 07:25 AM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Maybe try letting her nap at 1230 and if she naps for under an hour then maybe she will want to go to bed earlier. If she is ready to sleep and you are trying keep her up maybe she is getting a second wind. Thats what happens with my kids anyway. The longer I let them stay up the more awake they become. Which is really weird..

alittlelost May 1st, 2013 01:58 PM

A few things to try is making sure she's not overtired when you put her down. Also make sure you don't say anything an no facial expressions when you move her back to bed. She might think its a game at first but it will wear off in time :)

IronMamma May 1st, 2013 06:02 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
Ah that is a good one Lost. I know for Drake, if he sleepy and sees me smile he smiles back and wants to play. It's absolutely adorable but at the same time we all need sleep.

Mrs. Lainez May 3rd, 2013 08:47 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
yeah I learned early on when to minimize interaction but dh seems to still struggle with it. it does feel rather unnatural after all.
I've not again resorted to restraining dd. it just didn't feel good at all.
while I can't say we've come to a real solution yet, I did come to an important realization tonight. while I was waiting for dd to fall asleep I started thinking about the family vacation we have planned in july. we'll be staying in a rental home for one week. they'll be a regular king-sized bed in our room. I have no idea where or how dd will sleep there. in bed with us seems to be out of the question because it's off the floor. a while ago i bought a portable toddler bed because I thought it would be good for traveling or naps while visiting family. recently I tried getting her to nap in it at my mother-in-law's house. she only took a 40-minute nap after an hour of crying and trying to escape the bed.
so I still don't know where she'll sleep but I hope i won't be going through that twice a day all week.
well what I realized is that although I love the family bed I'm beginning to regret having never attempted to have dd sleep in a crib (or any other solo-sleeping device) at least part-time. the reason being is that the ability to sleep in a crib offers much more flexibility. I think it's time that ”crib” is no longer a four-letter word in the AP world. sometimes confined sleeping quarters just make sense for reasons of safety and/or convenience. this is especially true when traveling; a mobile baby or toddler sleeping unconfined in a room not set up for co-sleeping is dangerous.
since dd now falls asleep on her own and no longer nurses at night perhaps a crib in our bedroom would have suited our entire family better or at least opened up more options when things got tougher.

alittlelost May 3rd, 2013 09:21 PM

Re: there must be a better way... right?
There is nothing wrong with a child sleeping in a crib if that works for a family. And it's not "anti ap" to use a crib if that is how everyone sleeps best.

That said, I co-slept with all my kids so far, and never had a problem that a crib would have fixed, so I wouldn't say a crib is always needed anymore than I would say it should always be avoided.

Do what is right for you and your family.

After co-sleeping with 3 kids from birth to one year, I plan to do the same again this time. We definitely won't have a crib. We will have a pack and play, though, and sometimes that is nice for naps.

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