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-   -   First time here (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f440-birth-moms/1441445-first-time-here.html)

Alison81 February 17th, 2009 02:22 PM

This is the first time I've been able to share this on JM, as I didn't want my DD's dad to use me being a birth mother against me in court.

I will make this brief. I became a birthmom on 1/11/97, when I was 15 years old. I didn't have my pregnancy confirmed until I was 4 months pregnant, and my parents didn't know until I was 7 months pregnant. The months following placing him I regretted is so badly, and my heart hurt when I saw young moms with their babies. I feel very differently now, and don't regret my decision.

The adoption was supposed to be semi-open, and we'd exchange letters and pictures anonymously, but the adoptive parents never fulfilled their end of the deal. I have recently decided to try to contact the lawyer who handled the adoption, and see if I can write to them. It's a big step, but I feel ready.

Just wanted to say hi....it's really hard finding support for this kind of thing, but it's even harder not being open about it.

tsxylilmomma February 17th, 2009 09:37 PM

Hi and Welcome. I am Tammy Birthmom to a little girl I placed in 2005. This board is a little slow sometimes but there is some great ladies.

amholb0 February 18th, 2009 06:16 AM

Hey our kids are close in age, my daughter was born in November of '96. I was dissappointed with her mom but, her dad has been great. He wants us to have as much contact as we want. My dad sends her cards every week. I don't know about where you live but here in KY all adoption are officially closed adoptions so, the adoptive parents don't have any legal obligation to honor the open adoption. I really hope that you do get to contact your son. It is supposed to be much healthier for child to know their birthparents.

melissa. February 19th, 2009 09:25 AM

Hi, I am so sorry I am so late on this. It has been super hectic here. :closedeyes:

I am Melissa, birth mom to Katie (8 next month). Navy wife to Dustin and mommy to Amelia (3months), Iris (2.5yrs) and Lauren (4.5yrs).

It's great to have you here!!!! Jump right in and join us. We are pretty slow right now because I (the host) am battling a dislocated knee and 4 rounds of the stomach flu. So, forgive me if I am MIA. :confused:

szczepanski February 19th, 2009 01:37 PM

Welcome aboard! I am a birthmom to an almost-5 year old little girl.

I have an open adoption. I hope you can contact the lawyer and see how everything is going. I know I signed a contract in the hospital, with terms that both her parents and I agreed to. They have more than upheld their terms.

Sometimes they can be worried about contact me - they feel that they are being too pushy to keep in contact, see how I am doing, etc, so they back off. I hope it is that for your chosen parents as well.

Claysgirl February 20th, 2009 12:41 PM

I'm Katie, Birthmom to Rebecca who is going to be 6 in April, and I'm pregnant with Matthew who is also due in April!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This is where the adoption process frustrates me. We give the greatest give of all, and adoptive parents don't always live up to their end of the deal. Unfortunetly, I've never seen any law that requires an adoptive parent to stick to their end of the deal, I hope that changes one day.

BoobyDutyAgainJen February 21st, 2009 03:30 PM

Welcome! I am Jen, birth mom to Olivia who turned 10 in December and mom to Leila( birthday of 12-7-07) and baby number 3 due in July.

I fully appreciate this board. I have continued to heal due to the women on here who recognize my feelings in spite of different situations. There is nothing better than having someone who knows where you are to communicate with.

Jump right in!

ltshdent May 8th, 2009 09:25 PM

Re: First time here
Hi I am Tee BM to Mark who will be 12 this year. I allowed a family member to adopate my son with the understanding that I would always be a part of his life, but lately it seems like the adopated mother(my aunt) has been trying to push me out of his life. When I agreed to the adopation I did this thinking this was the best thing for my son and she kept telling me she could take better care of him. I was young and had two other children who were only a year younger than my son. She told me that I didn't need a lawyer and every thing would be ok. My son's birth father did not know about him at the time. My aunt claimed that she tried to find him but due to recent events we found out that was a lie. My son's birth father just found out about him three weeks ago and he wants to be a parent, but my aunt does not want that to happen. When she asked me could she adopate my baby she made a lot of promises that she has yet to fulfill. All I want is to be a part of my son's life I love him and giving him up was the worst mistake of my life and I just want to make it right. Do I have any rights after 12 yrs.

BoobyDutyAgainJen May 10th, 2009 09:22 PM

Re: First time here
Hi Itshdent! Welcome to JM and the Birth Mom board! I am so sorry things have not worked out as you thought they would with your Aunt. I have no knowledge of your rights...I think it depends on your state, what contracts you signed, what sort of boundaries you set up when the adoption occurred. Is there anyway you could contact a lawyer for help? Maybe google adoption laws in your state. I just don't know. I am sorry.

I really hope you can figure things out. Please keep posting here. Maybe we will be able to help you work out some answers and the more support we all have, the better! I hope to get to know you better.:)

ltshdent May 18th, 2009 07:09 AM

Re: First time here
I have yet to work anything out with her. When the adopation was set up there were no bounderies. Things were basically I'm helping you but you are still his mother. I dont remember what documents I signed at that time I never had a lawyer on my behalf. I have tried googling state laws but they are some what in a grey area. I am saving money to obtain a lawyer soon. Thank you so much for your support and understanding.

BoobyDutyAgainJen May 19th, 2009 06:58 PM

Re: First time here
Certainly! You are welcome to introduce yourself in the main birth mom page too. Maybe someone else could have some better advice for you and has not seen your post in here. Please don't hesitate to keep posting!

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