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Airen June 30th, 2008 01:02 PM

Hi there. Im Airen. A divorced 28 year old mom to 2 boys. Tyler is 8 and Landen is 5. I am remarried and expecting my 3rd son with my new DH in August.

I mainly decided to start posting here becuase this is my first summer that i have had to let my boys go to their fathers house out of state for the summer. Im not coping well at all and figured id seek out the advice of the blended families! I think mainly my emotions are a result of the fact that im very pregnant right now. I cant believe how hard this has been on me.

Any advice?

Daisyfields June 30th, 2008 01:33 PM

Welcome Airen & congrats on your pregnancy.

I am one of the co-hosts here, I am a step-mom & bio-mom, so I know what it's like on both angles.

I can imagine how hard it is for you, I'd be worried & I am not pregnant (anymore)...so being hormonal, I can see how this would be difficult for you or anyone in your situation.

Do you get to talk to them often? Do you send letters or cards & visa versa? How about pix? If you aren't already doing that, I'd suggest that for sure.

Please feel free to talk/vent all you need right now. I can only imagine how hard this is. My DS has only been away from me for only a total of 7 days in his entire life & I know I wouldn't be okay if he went out of the state for a while like that. You are better than me, but you are also in a different situation & dad needs to see his kids too. I think it's great that he WANTS to spend that time w/ him. Can I ask why you guys live so far away from one another? My DH's son lives an hour away & that's hard on us, so I don't even know what it would be like for you.

Can wait to hear more from you, PM me if you ever need anything.

Airen June 30th, 2008 01:51 PM

Im in So cal and he is currently in Kansas but being transferred to Washington state . So its pretty far either way. Well its a tough situtaion cause they dont have a home phone with long distance, so i went out and bought my oldest a pre paid cell phone. NOT so i can constantly call him, but so that he has a way to contact me if need be. His father does have a cell phone but will be working 6-5 min - fri and takes it with him. I just didnt want them left in a spot where they couldnt call all day IF they wanted too.

ive talked to them a few times a day so far when my little one calls me. I have called their once, only becuase he was supposed to call as soon as they landed there in kansas and of course he never did. SO i called and checked to make sure they were ok. A little bit of consideration for my feelings would have been nice. But he looks at it like he owes me no favors since they live with me the majority of the year. (which is is TRYING to contest.) He thinks the judge is gonna say, one year with mom, one year with dad, and so on and so forth, he doesnt quite do the research i do so hes not sure of how it really works. Essentially he is dreaming.

We get along *OK* but not the best. Im trying to be the best i can be for my boys, but he makes it so hard. He fights me on everything, i persoanlly i feel like letting them go at such a young age for 5 weeks (when the judge only would have granted 3) is being pretty darn nice. But he doesnt look at it that way, he wanted the full 10 weeks of summer even though our 8 year voiced conern over being away for that long.

Im also due to deliver by C sec on Aug 9th, he is trying to extend his visitation atm so that the boys *miss it* on purpose, becuase according to him, *hes not their real brother anyways*.

So i bet even in this short time you can see my frustration.

Blondzilla July 1st, 2008 05:19 AM

I can certainly understand your frustration! I agree that you're being very generous in allowing the kids to be with him for as long as you are. I don't think I could stand it! No, I don't think it's hormones...I think it's love and missing your babies! I would stand my ground to allow the boys to be there for the birth of their little brother...and yes he IS their brother! He sounds jealous to me and afraid of losing his boys. I can understand that. But he needs to understand those are not JUST his kids, they're yours too.
Just out of curiosity, who is watching the boys while he's at work? Has he scheduled some vacation time so he can spend time with them? Great idea getting the boys a phone so they can call you! I bet tht helps you as much as it does them!
Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Airen July 1st, 2008 05:12 PM

They are being watched by his wife and his mother (who is visiting with them until the 8th). His wife and i get along pretty good although she was deeply upset about me taking my ex to court to get things with the visitation set up in WRITING and done legally. He has a habit of bringing them home when he wants, so i wanted guidlines set up to protect the boys. ive talked to her a few times since the boys have been there and so far so good although i miss them terribly im glad they are having fun.

I AM standing my ground with their brothers birth. They arew super excited about it. And no unfortunatly hes in the Army so he couldnt schedule time off. Sorta bummed the boys out. So they spend the days with his wife. I try not to worry. All in all his a good father with good intentions, he is just very selfish.

Daisyfields July 3rd, 2008 12:40 PM

August 9th is a good day, a Leo, strong character... I would know ;)

As far as being nice, that's a good thing, I am one of those people when it comes to my son w/ my ex, but be careful. I was nice EXPECTING my ex to be nice in return & when you don't get the nice in return, well...you can't get mad & say "well I was nice about this so you should be about that".... which is why I was burnt a lot. So just proceed w/ caution. We've experienced that a lot w/ my DH's ex as well...when she is nice, she's always up to no good & when we try to be nice, she takes advantage of things.

As far as letting your child go for that long time frame (beyond the court order)...as long as you are comfortable & the child is fine, then I think you are doing a good thing. Your preggers right now & having all those hormones, it can be challenging, especially in the hot summer months. This is the time to RELAX & prepare. I hope that all turns out well & the siblings get along.

My DS didn't like & still has issues w/ my 2nd child b/c he was the culprit to losing his "space" (his place in my life as #1), but now that we had more children, he's fine. We're working on that. There are lots of surprises that a child can throw your way. Hopefully things will come together easily, if not we're always here to vent w/ & I'd recommend child/family therapy, it's helped w/ my son immensly.

Have a great weekend!

GinaOfAllTrades July 15th, 2008 10:54 PM

Hi Airen, it is definitely hard. My boys are with their other parents for 2 weeks. They come back on the 27th and 28th. I gave them both a calendar that shows what days we will call them. I haven't talked to TJ yet because when he is at his dad's he just kind of forgets about everyone else :lol: it is tough but I try to call him every 3 days :lol: that is how long he is usually there on his weekends and if I don't speak to him longer than that I start to have panic and anxiety attacks :blush: Alex has been calling us everyday since he went to his moms. It is super cute, especially since his dad is in FL this week he has still been calling to see how I am doing :wub: He is trying to see if his mom will bring him here for a visit tomorrow. :inlove:

Well, sorry I hijacked your post but I try to get my mind on other things and call every few days. It helps a lot.

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