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-   -   Oo so another crappy situation (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/1281728-oo-so-another-crappy-situation.html)

azura24 October 20th, 2008 05:26 PM

So the situation is as follows...
My mom is best friends with mias dads sister. They grew up together from the time they were 10 and remain best friends. James was never in the picture, as he lived in texas (we all live in michigan) until he was 30. James mom (linda) used to babysit me and I grew up with calling her aunt linda and james sister(my moms best friend) aunt lisa. Well I was always very close to their family until me and james broke up and I felt "pushed" out of the family. Well his mom (aunt linda) died last night. She was a very stubborn woman who found out app. 2 months ago she had very extensive ovarian cancer. The doctors advised dialysis, chemo, drugs and other things (healthy diet and so on) She was a very stubborn and she liked to be in control (where james gets his bad problem) and because she knew she was dying she refused to eat anything. Unfortunately, that took its toll on her and she passed last night. If that couldnt have been enough right? Yesterday, james called to see if Mia could spend the night until today(monday). I told him I have no problem and rules are as followed.
1. He must ask in advance.
2. He must provide the uniform and if I happen to send her to his house on his weekend and forget to send the uniform, he will have to provide one. I would most definately never do it on purpose but life sometimes jumps us.
3. SHe must be to school on time there is no excuse.

1st he tried to give me a lame excuse saying if there is traffic blah blah blah... I told him no, no excuse what so ever. If she missed or was late, that would termination of any extra day spent with him.

Well I excused today due to circumstances. But then he said he wanted to keep her the entire week! I said No, there was absolutely no reason why she couldnt remain attending school and that I wasnt going for it. Of course there was an argument.

Then I told him to drop Mia off at my hosue at 2. He gets there. at 2 15, which made me late for work and then to top it off, he has his bi**h with him!! The one he cheated on me with. I txt him, all extras are strictly terminated, he said the reason he brought her was because 2 weeks ago I wasnt there and because he had to just send her up he said basically tic for tac!!??!! well then Mia starts crying her eyes out(5years old) and I ask whats wrong, she says grandma linda died and went to heaven. I said its ok baby, sometimes and I go into explaining again why and she cuts me off and says NO DADDY SAID SHE WOULDNT LISTEN AND SHE DIDNT EAT SO SHE KILLED HERSELF!!! I tried to reverse it and talk to her about it and it just wasnt working. When I dropped her off at my moms house, she started crying again and said MOMMY WILL YOU LISTEN TO EVERYONE SO GOD DOESNT MAKE YOU DIE?

***!!! This is the kind of crap I am going through, and for what? I am sad for her grandma passing but now he has my kid all messed up and I really am not equipped for explaining anything. I dont know what to say. I am so worried about her. First her uncle, then her cousin, now her grandma and hes got her thinking that GOD is like this evil thing that kills for fun or something...I called the legal aid and am setting up an appointment as soon as they get back to me. I am def going to try to have a mental eval on him. I just dont really feel he has her best interest at heart you know. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

SFGiantsGirl October 20th, 2008 05:53 PM

Wow! Im sorry hun, that is some crazy stuff you are going through!! I can't believe he told her all of that about her grandma, you never tell a child that. She is no where near old enough to know the circumstances. All she needs to know is that she passed away, make it as easy as possible. I agree he does not seem to have her best interests at heart. If he did, he would NEVER have said what he did. He did it knowing that you would have a handfull and a half to deal with. Again, Im sorry you have to deal with a JERK like that(hope Im not speaking to frankly). GL!! I hope your daughter gets better and is able to deal with all of this better! :dothug:

My2miracles October 21st, 2008 11:58 AM

I'm sorry that's a tough situation.

Not to defend the jerk... but do you think he actually told her that or did she over hear him saying it to someone else. At least I hope that's the case. My dd who just turned 6 heard a lot of things she shouldn't have when I thought she couldn't.

azura24 October 21st, 2008 06:41 PM

well when I was trying to explain that "god needed his angel back" she cut me off and so NO she wouldnt listen to daddy when he said to eat. Daddy tried to tell her and daddy said that if she would have listened then she wouldnt have died. I thought the same thing. She was sleep talking last night and she woke up crying saying I need to eat if I dont then I will die. :( She goes to a catholic school so I asked if they would help me explain things a lil better and she did fine with that. I am still so upset. That and among other things. Thanks for responding ladies

Blondzilla October 22nd, 2008 05:32 AM

What a horrible idea for that poor little girl to have in her mind! I am so sorry you're going through all that. Try sitting her down and talking to her about what happened so she doesn't get the idea that she has to eat every hour or something to keep herself from dying. How sad that her father would fill her head with such nonsense. That poor child! does he know what he has done to her?
I wish you both the best in dealing with this.

My2miracles October 22nd, 2008 03:49 PM

Poor baby! How irresponsible of him!

azura24 October 23rd, 2008 08:50 PM

well, mia is doing much better. She has settled down and she is "OK" with her grandmothers passing. Now, I am just trying to cope. I really dont know how to feel. I was close to her grandmother for a lot of my life. She was my babysitter for GOD's sake then my mother in law (we werent married but we were together for 6 years) then my daughters grandmother! We got along so well. Now I am not even allowed to go to the funeral because James is taking his who*e. I am really so hurt. I told DF and he said I should go. He said I have been there way longer and as long as I dont acknowledge "him" maybe he wont start anything. Now its just my personal attempt. Would I be able to be strong enough to see past my anger, hurt, resentment, and if he does confront me with ANYTHING will I be able to walk away? I dont want to disrespect his mom at all or the family but my daughter is the most important thing to me and if he does so much as to look at her funny I will flip out. I dont know. I really need to pray on this, as I have been doing. It is all so horrible. I have sooo many emotions right now. Tomorrow is the anniversary of 2 very traumatic events. 1 from 4 years ago and the other from 1 year ago, me and df's anniversary (yay), lindas passing, we bought a house and are moving tuesday, my cousin(my best friend) and I are going through a lot of mixed up emotions between each other and I just am BLAH! I feel so freakin overwhelmed! I dont know...I guess I am kinda rambling. I just really dont know what to feel, say or think!

Thanx for listening ladies

sweetiez October 23rd, 2008 09:03 PM

OMG! Amber! Im SOOOOsorry your going through this! Your poor little girl! How dare he do this to this poor little girl!!!! :angry: :(. How upsetting...I'd be SOOO upset also. Did you yell at him? or talk to him about what mia is saying?? Good gosh! My prayers are with you & your little girl!!! :dothug:

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