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-   -   Re-intro and question .... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2007540-re-intro-and-question.html)

cachex10 June 11th, 2010 08:27 AM

Re-intro and question ....
I used to post here but haven't been here in a while. I had the twins April 5th and they've definitely kept me busy! The bigger issue, however, is that I feel like there are only certain things I can post here because you never know who's reading it and my ex-MIL keeps threatening to take me back to court. Regardless, she is footing the bills for my ex's attorney so if she can't take me back to court she's on him to find a reason to do so. I don't care as long as my kids stay safe but it does get draining. It's a really long, and not pleasant, story.

My question is pretty general. I'd like to get a piece of mother's jewelry. Like birthstones, names, etc. of all my kids. We have DSS 39% of the time, the rest he's with his mom and, for better or worse, she is his mother. Would you include DSS or DSD in jewelry like that?

On the one hand I feel, of course, he's my DSS. But on the other hand I know it would make me uncomfortable if my ex was remarried and his wife put my children on something like that (assuming my ex and his wife would know my kids). What would you do and why?

GinaOfAllTrades June 11th, 2010 10:39 AM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
I would include DSS on the jewelry. You are married to his dad so he is a part of your family now as well. He is one of your kids even thoug hyou didn't give birth to him and he doesn't primarily live with you. Just a question here, how do you think he would feel if he weren't included in it? I would think it would make him feel as though you don't think of him as family. JMO here.


My situation is a bit different. DH has custody of his DS and we have him 100% of the time. His mom barely has anything to do with him and only talks to him when he calls her and she is actually there. So in my case, he is my son. Just like an adopted child is someone's child (except I don't have the paperwork). I am "Mom," I take care of him, go to teacher's conferences, dr's visits, etc. So it would be very odd for me NOT to include him in the jewelry.

My2miracles June 11th, 2010 10:39 AM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
Congrats on the babies! I love their names and they are beautiful!

Wow that's a good question.

On 1 had - the child isn't yours. On the other hand, you wouldn't want him to feel left out.

I'm different than most moms plus I'll never be in that situation because my ex gave up his parental rights, but I'd be ok if stepmom included my child on her jewelry. To me, the more people that love my kids the better. But then I'm very secure and not threatened by anyone lol. I know I'm the mom & my kids love me.

I'm interested to see what the ladies who have their children spend time with stepmoms have to say.

GinaOfAllTrades June 11th, 2010 10:42 AM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
Oh I wanted to add that I personally would feel offended if my son's bonus mom didn't include him on the jewelry. To me it would be like she didn't feel he was part of her family.

cachex10 June 11th, 2010 02:29 PM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
I really don't want him to feel left out but we definitely are not in a situation where bio-mom would be happy about the inclusion, or me even feeling like DSS is one of my own.

I hate how hot and cold his ex runs because it makes me question everything. Including my place in her son's life.

My2miracles June 11th, 2010 03:29 PM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
These things are never easy. I remember struggling with how to sign xmas cards before my dh adopted my dd. I couldn't say the xxxx family because she had a different last name.

I personally would not include my dh's dd's on any jewelry but that's because in the 4 1/2 years we've been married, I haven't even come close to playing the stepmother role with them (long story). They are virtually strangers to me. Sad but true.

I did have a thought though - would bio mom ever see the jewelry? Would your dss even notice? I'm thinking if you don't show them the bracelets - would they ever even notice?

AMiner86 June 11th, 2010 07:01 PM

Re: Re-intro and question ....
I would most definitely include your DSS in the jewelry if that's what you want. A mother's ring is something for you, not for anyone else, so whatever you want included should be included even if it were the family pet that you considered to be one of your "babies." It should be what you feel is right, not what someone else wants you to have.

Personally I would feel awful if I didn't include my DSS in something because I feel like he's my kid too, but every situation is different.

As far as if my DD were to have a stepmom, I think that her mother's ring would be her business, not mine. I, of course, wouldn't want my daughter to feel left out of something, but at the same time, mother's jewelry all boils down to what you personally want.

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