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-   -   At my wits end... (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/218537-my-wits-end.html)

GinaOfAllTrades June 2nd, 2006 08:58 AM

<span style="font-family:Tahoma">Quick background... My fiancee and I both have custody of our 6 yr old sons. We dated back in high school (10 yrs ago) and have been together for 2 yrs now.

Now for the issue...
I had no problems with his son until recently. I don\'t know if it because I am pregnant or maybe because his mom is pregnant too. (NOT DF\'s Baby LOL) She has just started to call him on a regular basis and only gets him 1 day every 2weeks...her mom gets him Friday night and Saturday of her weekend.

Anyway, everytime I tell him something whether it is to help DS clean up, brush his teeth for bed, to come to dinner, whatever. He will either ignore me and continue to do whatever he was doing or just give me this blank deer in the headlights look as if I am not speaking English or something. It is driving me up the wall. It is as if for some reason he now doesn\'t like me. Now I do not care if I am his friend, because I am his parent, but it would be nice to know what has caused the change. I treat him as if he is my own son, I love him to death and would do anything for him, BUT I have no clue what else to do.

Has anyone else had this problem, or any suggestions on what I can do? </span>

Kelley June 2nd, 2006 09:49 AM

Well I have two step-daughters, and we dont see them very much because they live in Spain, DH is flying out in 1.5 weeks to go and speed 3 weeks with them. Then they are coming over for 2 weeks at the end of August. Whenever the girls come over they are pretty good, Maria is almost 2, and Gala is 6. We dont have any problems at all with Maria, except she obviously wants her mum alot of the time, but after a few days she settles. Gala we somethings have minor problems with, none of the girls speak english which is really hard for me, Gala will have huge strops and I cant understand why, Owen who is Spanish will translate for me what she wants (as I only know a little Spanish) They are mainly because she doesnt like me telling her things or telling her off because she feels only her real mum should be able to do that.
So Gina, I think that he could be acting out because of why Gala does. But its different because you have been his mom for years, so I'm not sure...maybe hes having mixed feelings that who he should look up too, or maybe his mom has said something. Try and talk to him and ask him whats up, and when he does do what you ask thank him and so on.

Mom2DyJessAva June 2nd, 2006 06:33 PM

i think the best thing for you to do is to have a nice long talk with u,him and his dad and try and figure out what might be bothering him and ask him his feelings..maybe he is having a hard time dealing with the fact that his dad has a new baby on the way and so does his mom..I understand that it could be hard for him at times and maybe if u just keep letting him no that he is always loved and that nothing is going to change when the new baby comes besides the fact that there will be a baby around..i hope things get better for u!

Rachel June 3rd, 2006 10:07 PM

:ditto: Great advice!

Chrisa June 16th, 2006 06:24 AM

I totally relate to you. I have a 12 yr old step daughter and whenever I ask her to do something or say no to her, she either ignores me or gives me attitude. She has a habit of rolling her eyes in the back of her head. I know a lot of the problem is that her dad won't back me up very often. He wants us to figure things out, but that's not how it works. Her dad teases me, so she thinks it's okay to join in so I'm am usually double teamed. There's so much more, but I just wanted you to know that I totally know where you're coming from. I have talked to my dh, but it helps for a day or two and then that's it. I suggest you talk to your fiance. I would recommend sitting down as a family and figuring out who will discipline the children and get your expectations out. There are counselors out there who can help you with this too. I wish so badly that dh and I had done that before we got married. We walked in with rose colored classes and thought it would all work out, but that was naive. Now, we have a pre-teen and that's hard by itself, but with everything else added, well....I am thinking about the conseling thing myself. Hang in there. I know I can't give you much advice, but I can tell you what I would have done differently. There are success stories, so I know it's possible to work through all of that.

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