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-   -   whats wrong with me? (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2329387-whats-wrong-me.html)

AndreaRenee May 17th, 2011 10:08 AM

whats wrong with me?
no longer participating on this board.

katiemama May 17th, 2011 12:24 PM

Re: whats wrong with me?
Have you read any books on step parenting?

I suggest "step monster" and "step coupling." Great books.

She is not your child and the truth is, you are probably transferring some of your disdain for BM onto her. That's totally natural. Not really fair to the kid, but it's natural and there isn't much you can do about it outside of work on yourself and where this is all coming from.

Sadly, there are many couples in your situation - one ex doesn't parent effectively and the other ex has to take the fall out. It sucks and I'm sorry you are dealing with it.

Her mom's lack of boundaries is a real sad situation. Without proper boundaries, kids grow up dependent most of the time. Usually the family WITH boundaries and rules ends up being the bad guy - but those rules are GOOD for kids and teens. :(

K.A.T May 17th, 2011 12:49 PM

Re: whats wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. It's natural to get that way with a child that isn't your own. I know I have extremely similar issues with my DSD, if she were my own blood I still would feel the same way about her. Katie made a great suggestion. Also, remind your DH that neither of your lives are over and there is still time for the two of you to grow close. Maybe once she's past the tween/teen stage she might behave differently and you two can get along better. That's what I'm hoping for on my end.

My2miracles May 19th, 2011 04:12 PM

Re: whats wrong with me?
12 year old girls are difficult when their your own. It's impossible when there not. Just my personal experience.

I don't like my dh's 16 year old. It has nothing to do with her mother. It has to do with her. I love my 12 year dsd to death & they have the same mom. They are just different people. The 16 year old was 10 when dh & got together. She's been trouble from the beginning.

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