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-   -   Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding) (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2510399-theorhetical-situation-question-breastfeeding.html)

plan4fate April 4th, 2012 03:57 PM

Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
For those of you who had step kids who were 7+ when you had another kid and nursed... how did you handle it?

DH thinks that I will be taking the baby to another room and nursing. He has no idea that babies can nurse for HOURS. He has no idea that we're human pacifier. L pumped for a few weeks while Reme was in the NICU, but they switched to formula when he came home.

I understand the concern, Reme has a fascination with the opposite sex that I've never seen in a kid his age (he's six). I blame his parents and tv and movies he watches that he's not old enough for.

However at the same time, I don't want to be forced into the bedroom to do something that's 100% natural! DH's mentality is part of the problem with breastfeeding in the world... he wants to make it taboo when it isn't.

I know we aren't pregnant yet... but we do try and settle things in advance to give ourselves time to discuss and smooth them over (we're still working on house plans, and it's been 16 months, and we're still arguing). I'm just trying to see what ya'll have had to deal with.

It wouldn't be an issue if it was my own older child, and then a younger child, I'd just tell DH to shove it. His concern seems to stem more from the fact that I"m not his biological mother, and he doesn't process what's inappropriate to talk about well at all.

K.A.T April 4th, 2012 05:26 PM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
I didn't try to hide it back then, not that it lasted long, and I'm not going to try and hide it now. It's a natural thing and nothing that should be ashamed of doing. If Reme has such an interest in the opposite sex, this might be the perfect time to teach him that the female body is something more than just an object of desire. Between you and his mom I don't see why you two can't help him learn to respect the female body and all it's wonderful functions. You're DH, needs to get over it, for lack of a better term.

Keakie April 4th, 2012 08:02 PM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
I haven't nursed a baby thus far so feel free to ignore me :hug: but I'm pretty pro-nursing when you need to. :shrugs: When that time comes for us, I doubt that I'll mind doing it in the same room as any of my stepchildren. Bm nursed them all and extended nursed the youngest three so they're all pretty accustomed to breasts and what they're used for and how babies eat. I doubt it would even faze them. I also am under the impression it's pretty easy to be subtle once you get comfortable so every time you nurse it wouldn't necessarily mean your entire breast would be exposed.

I agree that having you always go into the other room continues to make it a taboo thing. I don't see the problem in showing Reme that nursing is normal and healthy and not sexual. :) Any future wife would probably appreciate it. I'm sorry your dh isn't quite on the same page right now, but I definitely think you should stick to your guns on this one. It's okay for Reme to be interested and have questions too. We're wired to notice the opposite sex. It doesn't mean he's going to have any weird fantasies about you. :giggle: Women have bodies that are different from his. Of course it's interesting! I think exposure to something natural and non-sexual is a good thing, and it's certainly a better introduction for him than what he might learn from friends or the internet, KWIM? I also don't think, if he were to stare too much or won't give you your space, that it's unreasonable to tell him you would like him to stop staring or that you would be happy to answer his questions later but you really need your space to feed the baby right now.

Boobs feed babies. Obviously, we all know that they can be good for other things to, but you can expose a child to breastfeeding without delving into those things. :shrugs: Nursing isn't sexual and I certainly don't think it would damage him in any way to see it being done. It also isn't really fair to ask you to lock yourself in a room in your own house to feed the baby.

Rachel April 5th, 2012 10:23 AM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
I nurse in the same room with W&C. I'm am discreet about it, as much as I can be without covering up. I think the best thing you can do for Reme is make it as normal as possible. If you hide it, he will think BFing needs to be hidden. And it is the most natural and normal thing in the world. I am a larger breasted woman and I have managed, for the most part, to nurse for there last 8 months without flashing either of the boys. They are comfortable around BFing because I normalized it.

plan4fate April 5th, 2012 11:51 AM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
Thanks girls!

Woody said early this morning that one of his big fears is that Reme will be Reme and want to sit next to me and watch. (which is something he does now). I told him that honestly, that's not a big deal. If anything it might help remove some of the sexual taboos that have been placed on boobs for him.

I was an older kid when my mom breast fed. I certainly remember being fascinated that boobs made milk like that, and I sure as heck wanted to watch. So I understand DH's worry over that.. but don't see how it's a big deal.

I told him it is something we will have to deal with with Reme one baby step at a time when it comes to babies. I personally thing jealousy will be a bigger problem than my boobs (and really, unless he's watching me latch he wont see more than he's probably seen with me rolling around in a tank top on the floor with him).

Now, if he starts asking if he can milk me.... like a cow.... we might have to do some reconsidering. lol.

Rachel April 5th, 2012 03:03 PM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
How old is Reme? When do you guys plan to start trying? I think he might have some fascination with it if he were say, 5 or 6, but if he's much older than that, I think he'll steer clear of it. W&C try not to even look, but they are VERY uncomfortable with their body and anyone else's. It's bizarre to me. Neely frequently walks around the house in his boxers, but they won't dare let us or each other see them in their boxers. Will even goes into a bathroom to change for gym while the rest of his class changes in an open locker room. It's strange to me.

plan4fate April 5th, 2012 08:52 PM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
We are ntnp right now. So he could be 7+, probably 8.

Will's like I was at his age. Except we weren't allowed to change in private, I just kept my eyes on the floor and changed last.

Reme is dang near a nudist. He doesn't care what he's got on, but the less the better. For a while he was pretty shy around me about his private bits.. but he could care less these days. He and DH run around in their boxers all the time. I'm not so free with my parts... I sleep topless when Reme's not around.. he likes to crawl in and snuggle with me... so I keep a tank on while he's around.

Ember Rose April 6th, 2012 06:07 PM

Re: Theorhetical Situation Question.... (breastfeeding)
They're not my older children and I'm still gonna tell DH to suck it.

Doodlebug06 April 8th, 2012 07:40 PM

I can give my insight!
I just gave birth in January.

Dh has an 18 year old son that lives with us and I have a 10 year old son and 6 year old daughter.
I nurse around them all.
The first time my son saw it he got a goofy look on his face and I told him "(the baby is eating, don't get all goofy. It's a natural thing".
He's not blinked twice since.
Ss18 has come in and out of the family room while I nurse and has never made a comment. (surprised. )
He doesn't even acknowledge that I'm doing it or maybe he doesn't notice? Idk?
Dh asked me what I was going to do if s18 walked in and I said I'll tell him the same thing I told my son! Don't be a goober! No biggie!
My daughter was extremely curious. And she wanted to see exactly what the baby does and how. No biggie. I wouldn't "encourage" a 6 or 8 year old step son to get all up close and personal to view it or to gawk. Just tell him to just be normal and do what he normally would do.
After all, you wouldn't want him staring at any other women bf'ing. Ya know?
I darn sure wouldn't be segregated off into my room to nurse! Not in my own home!
I started nursing in public recently and I do take care not flash anyone , especially kids. But my dd has recently refused to take a bottle so I feed her when she's hungry. Regardless of where we are. My view is if someone doesn't like it, they can leave the room. And I hate to say it but if any of my kids had inappropriate staring going on, THEY would be the ones asked to leave the room.

Anytime mom is stressed or anxious , it can affect let down. Which affects your baby's milk intake and their health. Other members of the house have to be considerate of that.

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