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-   -   I just read an interesting debate (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2514327-i-just-read-interesting-debate.html)

Rachel April 13th, 2012 05:38 PM

I just read an interesting debate
on the HD board here. It's sort of related to this board and I don't like to get into the debate board because of my roll here at Justmommies, so I thought I'd post here.

Do you post pics of your step kids here or Facebook or wherever? If you do, do you have permission from bio mom? Or do you assume that dad's permission is enough?

K.A.T April 13th, 2012 06:48 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
I so knew what you were talking about just off the title alone. Well, you read my stance so I'll leave it at that.

To summarize for those that didn't read it. I only go by DH's permissions, bm is not a factor. Especially now that I am the full time parent, I stand by my original view point even more.

Keakie April 13th, 2012 07:20 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
I read through some of that but mostly stayed out because heated debates aren't good for me. I get physically stressed out by it. :giggle:

I don't post pictures of them anywhere public. I do post pictures on my Facebook because I'm particular about my friends list and dh trusts my judgement. I couldn't care less what bm thinks. :shrugs: Dh is just as much their parent as she is and his comfort is enough for me.

Doodlebug06 April 13th, 2012 10:35 PM

Yes I do post pics of the skids on fb. Not in here.

But bm is a friend on fb and if she were to ask that I not post pics, id oblige her request.

In my particular case I feel it's the choice of their bio parents to make. However my ss18s mother has no contact w us at all so I guess she has no choice. Lol

Rachel April 13th, 2012 11:41 PM

I post pics wherever I want. I figure Neely has full custody and this is a parenting decision and he does not object. Besides, before she canceled her FB, she posted pics too.

plan4fate April 14th, 2012 12:50 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
lol you read mine. A few of them were a lil snarky, but I don't like being told that I pretty much don't matter. At 6am when I'm stripping a bed sometimes I wish I didn't though!

but to summarize.

I did ask L before posting pictures of Reme online, because DH didn't know if she was putting him on FB or not and wanted to make sure she didn't have a problem with it. I don't use his picture on JM, but will in the future. He is in my siggy by name, and has his own little ticker.

I have no desire to segregate him as the "step child". He doesn't call me Step mom, doesn't call my mom step grandma.. why the hey would I call him Step kid? (irl, on here I do say it).

I notice since that debate I've taken to using "DSS" less and his name more.

Cute story. Reme decided to tell the waitress at a restaurant "I'm her 'didn't have to have pain' son!" They gave him free dessert for being adorable. lol

My2miracles April 14th, 2012 12:54 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
Dh's agreement would be enough. He has joint custody & the right to do what he pleases with the likeness of his kids.

That being said, I generally don't post pictures but only because we see sdd so infrequently. I did post pictures on facebook of our trip this summer. Bio mom is blocked from my facebook page btw.

Rachel April 14th, 2012 04:50 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
Kind of sort of related: I don't understand why people get so uptight about pics on the internet. :shrugs: I don't think I'd even care if someone used my kids' pics and claimed them as their own. I think I'd be more upset of the copyright issue more than anything. As an hobbyist photographer, I take that very seriously and I wouldn't want someone claiming my images as their work. But the "my kids pics don't go online. ever. stance seems so weird to me.

K.A.T April 14th, 2012 05:29 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
Rachel, I don't get that stance either. You saw what I felt about that. If the day ever came where my kids had a step mom, I would prefer that she would accept my kids as her own and treat them as such. I don't get that whole treating step kids different.

plan4fate April 14th, 2012 05:39 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
I grew up with a father who did not trust the internet and the people on it. My original email was registered under "Myfatheris Paranoid" as the first and last name (no joke, got me grounded for 2 weeks lol) because I wasn't allowed to use my name.

If he didn't have dementia by the time Facebook became popular I'm sure I'd have had to listen to a lecture about it. He wouldn't let my mom tag him in pictures as it was. If he only knew he has his very own group now, he'd have a fit. :)

I know some people do it because it makes them feel safe and anonymous. And I respect that even if I don't understand it.

pmdc5286 April 14th, 2012 05:47 PM

Re: I just read an interesting debate
I have Jonah's permission to have Robert in my signature and have it worded just the way it is. I do not ask Robert's bio mom's permission to use his pic's but Jonah knows I have them up, and in many cases either helped me post them, or posted them on my page or tagged me in them. Jonah also has many pics of Sean and Dani up as well and usually tags Dani's dad too. Sean's dad can take a long leap off a short pier. His vote doesn't count. He has never been in Sean's life. Many of the boy's pics (and a few of Dani too) are also on our districts Boy Scout page as well, so our kids are well known.

As far as the "step" reference, we refer to the kids as "our kids", not mine and his, and we tell them the only steps in our family are the ones going in and out of the house. I would NEVER refer to Robert as only my step-son. He is Autistic and Bi-polar and if he thought I thought any less of him than Sean and Dani, several years of hard work would be undone. I love my "Sweet Boy" to death and we have worked hard to get him to where he is today from the suicidal child he was right after Jonah and I got together.

None of my kids are 100% siblings but that does not make them any less related. Sean is my "Bebop" A nickname from my dad, or "Bubba" as Dani and Robert call him, Robert is my "Sweet Boy" which is my nickname for him and Dani is my "Doodle Bug" because she is so tiny.

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