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-   -   New DH is adopting my son. (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2528936-new-dh-adopting-my-son.html)

mcmarlena May 19th, 2012 12:19 PM

New DH is adopting my son.
Hi! My name is Marlena and my DH is Mitch. We have been together since 2008 and married since 2010. I have a 12 year old son from a previous marriage who had a decent relationship with his bio dad until bio dad re-married and then he just fell off the map. I hear from ex about every 4 months asking how DS is, etc but that is IT. No visiting, nothing. So during all of this time (since 2008) my DH has taught our son how to swim, tie his shoes, ride a bike, etc. Our son refers to DH as his dad, but calls him by his first name. I talked to ex about DH adopting our son and ex was more than fine with it. Said he didn't want to interfere with the relationship that DH and our son have. He went to sign his rights away last Monday and then we have to wait a week to let him recant his decision if he decides. After that DH has to take a physical, papers will be filed, and a homestudy will have to be done where someone comes out and talks to all of us (including DS) to see and make sure DS will have a good relationship. DH says not to sweat it, that it will all go fine. But anytime an agency says they're going to come in and evaluate your personal space and homelife, it's enough to make anyone nervous.

Has anyone had the homestudy done? What do they ask, what will be talked about, etc? We have a fairly large house and DS is completely spoiled and has everything a child would want. He respects DH as an adult and a parent figure, but they have a relationship like buddies and friends. I'm sure my nerves will be so shot leading up to it that I'll spend days on end scrubbing and cleaning everything in sight, so the house will be emmaculate. I guess I just don't like the idea that someone is coming into my home and might be judgemental of our relationship as a family. That they will sit and judge how my DH and son interacts. Any tips on how to not stress? LOL

Rachel May 19th, 2012 03:09 PM

Welcome! I can't answer your questions, but I know a few girls here who have had their DH adopt their kids, so hopefully someone can share their experiences.

I'm Rachel, birth mom to Sarah, James, Daniel and Keelan and custodial step mom to William and Clayton.

Keakie May 19th, 2012 06:53 PM

Re: New DH is adopting my son.
No BTDT advice here either, but I did want to say welcome! :) :hug:

wishing May 19th, 2012 08:22 PM

Re: New DH is adopting my son.
We are just starting the process for DH to adopt my son. He we don't have to do a homestudy when its a step parent adoption so I dont really have any advice. Good luck. I am sure it will go well. They probably just want to make sure your son wants this adoption, I know here once they are over 8 my son has to concent.

My2miracles May 21st, 2012 12:26 PM

Re: New DH is adopting my son.
Congrats! Dh adopted my dd 3 years ago when she was 6. We didn't have to do a home study since it was a step-parent situation. Dh just had to be fingerprinted to make sure he wasn't a criminal & I had to tell a judge that was what I wanted.

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