JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   Blended Families (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/)
-   -   Jealousy (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2569069-jealousy.html)

mom2more September 3rd, 2012 10:19 PM

I was reading something on another forum and it made me think of jealousy in blended families. Have any of you been jealous of your hubby/SO's ex? Or has your hubby/SO been jealous of yours?

Yes and yes for me.

I think I was jealous of the fact that hubby had kids and a past with someone else because she was the one who ended it. I just worried that he possibly had feelings for her. Eventually I came to realize I was way off base and that he was way over her.

Hubby has had some jealousy with my ex. Mostly because we share such a long past. We grew up together and still have friends in common. Plus when we (hubby and I) run into people I knew in the past they always seem to bring my ex up. And hubby knows that until we (hubby and I) got serious I had a pretty good friendship with my ex. We would throw our son's birthday parties together, I was still spending some holidays at his family's homes, and at times we hung out together. He even threw my college graduation party. And because I had moved an hour away from him he was sleeping over at my house on the night he had weeknight visitations with our son. (For the weekend ones he took our son to his house...but for the weeknight one it just didn't make sense for him to do all that driving).

Out of respect for my hubby I toned the friendship thing down a lot. But I still talk to my ex's family a lot because I am still close to them. My hubby has dealt with it pretty well. But at times I can tell it still bothers him.

stucklikeglue September 3rd, 2012 11:28 PM

Re: Jealousy
I was super jealous of dp's ex. Same reason you said, she left him. Plus she would txt him allllllllll the time. It still ticks me off to this day. One time she wanted him their two kids and her to go do something as a family so the kids "could see them " getting along :rolleyes: he of course said no way. Another time she asked him to come over bc her then bf abused her and was scared he would come back. He told her no and if she was that scared to call the police. She recently started calling him peaches which he said was her old nick name for him. I told him he needs to either address that or I WILL. We have been together for 4 years and they have been separated and divorced for 5 or 6.. I always get the feeling she wants him back. But I now know he can't stand her and cant wait till he no longer has to speak with her.
I don't think hes ever been jealous of mine, at least hes never said so.

Mom2DyJessAva September 4th, 2012 03:42 AM

Re: Jealousy
yes and yes...

i should say the only reason why im jealous is because she married him and i might not ever get that..but he is mine and im okay with not having a marriage as long as we are together..and because she came back for a month while we were dating and i was pregnant..thats not so much jealously but more hate that she would lie to get herself back in (said she was being abused/then when he broke it off she admitted she should have never left)

he use to be jealous of one of my exs..as we were good friends..but he is no longer alllowed to talk to me (ex) so aaron is okay as i have no contact with him

Rachel September 4th, 2012 06:36 AM

Re: Jealousy
No and No. When I met Neely my marriage had been over for 5 years so there was nothing to be jealous of. And for me? His ex is crazy, NOTHING that I would be jealous about.

If anything, Neely might be jealous that my ex and I didn't have a difficult divorce/custody fight.

Keakie September 4th, 2012 06:49 AM

Re: Jealousy
No and no over here too. My ex hasn't spoken to me (aside from the occasional rude emails I would get in the 6 months following our break up) since the day I left.

When I first started dating dh, I wouldn't say I was *jealous* but I did go through an initial phase of intimidation at the history. I had lived with my ex and we were together for several years, but we were never married and never had any children. We vaguely talked about it in a kind of "Maybe way down the road..." way, but that's about it. I had no reference point for what it must feel like to have shared those things with someone. :shrugs: That feeling passed as time went on, though, and I became more secure in our relationship. Dh was always incredibly patient, loving and supportive while I worked through those things, and that helped a lot. It was also helpful to hear dh talk about the hows and the whys of some of the decisions he made years ago. It gave me a more accurate picture of his experiences, and flushed away a lot of the things my imagination had come up with.

Dh used to be a lot more accommodating to bm's whims too, and that would sometimes frustrate me (especially since I knew the kind of thing that was being said behind his back, and knew that she was taking advantage of the fact that he's a good person), but now that the crazy has escalated and he's able to see it all for what it is/see the consequences of it, we've reigned the bending-over-backward waaaay back in.

As it is, contrary to her belief that all of our decision making is centered around her/how we can best 'abuse', control or manipulate her, we're both looking forward to the day when we no longer have to interact with her at all.

Rachel September 4th, 2012 07:45 AM

Re: Jealousy

Originally Posted by Keakie (Post 26485324)
Dh used to be a lot more accommodating to bm's whims too, and that would sometimes frustrate me (especially since I knew the kind of thing that was being said behind his back, and knew that she was taking advantage of the fact that he's a good person), but now that the crazy has escalated and he's able to see it all for what it is/see the consequences of it, we've reigned the bending-over-backward waaaay back in.

Neely was like that for a time too. I wasn't jealous, but it would infuriate me when he would bend to her desires when I could see how manipulative she was being. But honestly I just think that's how men are. They take the path of the (immediate) least resistance. My ex hucrasband has children with another woman who is bat crap crazy (to a slightly lesser degree than Neely's ex) and he would constantly give in to her just to get her to shut up. Even if he knew in the long run the problem would extend or escalate, it was easier to just say yes and shut her up. His last child with her turned 18 in January and up until that time, he was still doing it because he hadn't been able to reign her in over the years.

w292737 September 4th, 2012 09:26 AM

Re: Jealousy
No and No. and if S was jealous of the fact that my ex and I talk (when we do) I don't think I could handle that. we were married have kids together. it's not going to change.

My2miracles September 4th, 2012 11:48 AM

Re: Jealousy
Dh has never been jealous of my ex. I ended the relationship & my ex is completely out of the picture.

I've had a similar experience to Rachel & Kayla. I've never been jealous of dh's ex in the sense that I thought he might still have feelings for her but I for several years I was realy frustrated because he'd consult her schedule, his dd's schedule & his schedule for visition but never consult my schedule or my children's schedule. It always seemed what worked best for his ex was in direct conflict with my schedule. It always made my life worse.

He doesn't do that as much anymore. It happened once this year. The weekend of dd's dance recital. Not only didn't we have a ticket for dsd for a place that was assigned seating but dd is is the dance company & danced in all 3 shows. So she was gone all weekend after not seeing her sister for 6 months.

I tolerated it this year but made it very, very clear that it will NOT happen next year. Dsd is welcome to come to the show but must come the weekend before or stay after. It's too hard on dd who worships her older sister.

mummytobeMarch2013 September 4th, 2012 01:50 PM

Re: Jealousy
He is not jealous of my ex's, I ended it but I am jealous of his ex, they have a 4yr old boy together, my boyfriend to date has not really supported me through the pregnancy, although never failed to attend her appointments. He also has his son every other weekend and two nights a week, I have not met his son as yet so as he cannot break routine with his son, this prevents him attending my appts.

K.A.T September 4th, 2012 02:34 PM

Re: Jealousy
Yes and yes. I've been jealous of her for real stupid reasons in the beginning. There was really never any reason to be, but I just couldn't help it. It really had to do with the fact that he had a past with her. But then I would feel dumb because so did I. I hate feeling like a hypocrite so I struggled with that emotion for a while. He was never jealous of my ex since he hasn't been in the picture for lord knows how long, but he's very jealous of my ex in-laws. They're still in the picture and it bothers him that we have contact with them.

stresswife September 4th, 2012 03:22 PM

Re: Jealousy
Yes and No
I used to have horrible anxiety over his ex(thanks in part to my past relationship) they had children together and I really thought that was a big pull over him, and that he would just someday give in and go back to her for the kids sake... she was his only relationship besides me, but once we got married I think I finally felt more secure not that he ever gave any hint of ever wanting her back, he never would have married her and they broke up constantly... I realized we had a normal healthy relationship and they never did.
I broke up with my ex 5 months before I met DH, well my serious ex anyway, and we were just teenagers so it wasn't really anything to ever be jealous of.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:34 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.