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-   -   Step Issues in the strangest places (https://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2614911-step-issues-strangest-places.html)

SSGMama January 15th, 2013 01:41 AM

Step Issues in the strangest places
I have been hit with bad blood pressure, and I'm 37 weeks pregnant. Tonight was the second night I had to go to the hospital because my BP was too high. (preeclampsia has been ruled out).

anyway, the plan has always been that SD11 would be in the room with me when I delivered. She asked for it early on, and has been preparing ever since. DH showed her some very graphic movies from YouTube to let her know what she was in for, and she did not waiver. We disscussed maturity, and complications and she stood strong. So we decided that we will support it, and have.

Tonight when we went into the hospital over my BP they told us that as of 7:00 pm they had been informed that no one under the age of 18 is allowed in the hospital unless they are a patient. This is because of the Flu Epidemic. SD was amost inconsolable. She just busted out into tears at the realization that she would not be in the room when her little brother was born since the Flu Season isnt due to end until March. I think they were leanient, more leanient than one would expect, since we checked in at two hours after the mandate. I told them we were a military family and we didn't have any family in the immediate area (slightly over exaggerated), and they let her stay until I was offically admitted. and although I was there from 9:00pm until 1:00 in the morning, I was never actually "admitted" and DH/SD didnt leave.

In the mean time SD was a mess. After a lot of crying and such SD finally revealed She feels like she was treated as if she wasnt even a member of the family when her little sister was born. She was with BM (in her state) for the summer and her water broke in the middle of the night. She says she had to stay behind at the apartment and that BM wouldn't tell her GM where the hospital was. This is of course the memories of an eleven year old, and it is entirely possible that because BM went into labor early, and her DD was a premie that BM felt it was best that SD not come the hospital in case somethign was wrong. But as I have stated before BM doesnt explain things very well to SD, and SD comes to her own conclusions. So something along the lines of her GM not knowing how to get to the hospital, even though GM was getting updates via phone, was her understanding of why she coudlnt be there. She feels like she missed everything. She says she cried when she saw her sister the first time, which is so sweet! But it seems like shes been holding resentment over the night she was delivered for a year now. Since then SD's sister has learned to walk, etc and SD hasnt been there for it either. Fast forward to today, and SD is overcompensating for this feeling of being left out by making up for it with her soon to be little brother. And tonight she was Crying that its going to be "just like with [sister]".

She did end up calming down, and eventually falling asleep on the pull out bed. But only after the machine started going nuts and they said it was the babys heart rate. She tried really really hard to calm down so that I can calm down. She kept getting up and going the bathroom to wash her face in an attempt to keep me from seeing her tears. So finally I just had her sit/lay next to me for a while.

Isnt it amazing, because its not like all siblings get to be at the hospital when their mothers go into labor. (or even in the delivery room for that matter). But add some abandonment issues into the mix and all of a sudden its a whole different situation. Not being there with BM's delivery left SD feeling like an outsider. And its affecting her emotionally as it pertains to her new sibling. And I have to admit, its stressing me out a little bit because I feel like there is this pressure to make it right for her. And That pressure was keeping me from lowering my BP at the hospital tonight until after I could get SD to calm down. Understand this...SD is not an emotional person usually. But as of late she is very emotional with the BM situation. And I'm sure her budding hormones don't help. I don't know why BM didnt want SD at the hospital that day, but either way it is not sitting well with SD at all.

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