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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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December 9th, 2005, 03:31 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 167
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hi everyone,

today i got my "official" pregnancy comfirmation, even though i knew already, i sat in the doctors office and cried. last night my b/f told me that he wants to be back with his ex, but because i am pregnant he will not go back to her. his ex is not a nice person and well, i do not trust her, luckily she lives about 2500 miles away. anyhow, he told me he wants me to have an abortion, which i refuse to do, i thought it was hugely selfish of him to even suggest that to me, for his own benefit. i am really scared now, stupid me loves him and wants to be with him, i have been an emotional wreck lately. i am trying my hardest to finish school and raise my 2 other kids. my family is not going to be very happy about this new baby, and what sucks even more, i live with them, sad i know. i know this is going to sound lame and desparate, but i know that he has deep feelings for me, and this is his first baby, so i am sure hes scared to death. so for now, i am going to just stay in the shadows, try not to stir the pot too much so to speak. i even told him to leave, just go away and i will do this alone again, but he refuses to abandon the baby and me. i am so dreadfully confused and i am trying to very hard to keep it together and not to fall apart. i know thats not good for the baby or me. it just seems that whats supposed to be such a great thing is making me miserable. this coming wednesday i have my first pre natal appointment and he wants to come, but i don't want him there just yet. how do i cope with my feelings and get through all this while still maintaining whats left of my sanity? i have battled with depression for years and now for the first time in about 4 years i am not on any medication and its scaring me half to death. i guess i should do like they say when someone is sick, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. everyone here seems so very nice, i am hoping to make friends here because i think i am going to need some soon. sorry to have vented, but i needed to get this off my chest so that maybe tonight i can sleep just alittle. if anyone has feedback or has been through something like this, i would appreciate hearing from them. thanks alot.


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December 9th, 2005, 03:40 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
Well to put a positive spin on it, it looks like the baby's father is going to be helpful. I know he may not want to have a relationship but it sounds like he wants a relationship with the baby and that is very important. Try to take one day at a time. I know for me the whole first trimest was so depressing and confussing and stressful but as each trimester passed, things got better.

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December 9th, 2005, 04:02 PM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 167
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thanks for the vote of confidence, i needed that. would you possibly want to tell my family for me now, lol. the raging hormones are not helping any, thats for sure. for me, i am excited, i did want another baby, just not maybe right now, but its ok, everything happens for a reason, especially when we were using b/c. so for me this is a wonderful thing, i just don't want to get too ahead of myself with this, thats all. thanks again the kind words.

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December 9th, 2005, 04:08 PM
Natural Blessings's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,168
You don't have to have a relationship with the father, but you can include him in the pregnancy and baby's life so you don't have to do it alone.

When you see your dr tell them about your feelings, there are some pregnancy safe anti-depressants you can go on if you feel it is something you need to do.
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December 10th, 2005, 05:12 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Hi Honey
I can so relate to what you are going through. I hope your story doesnt end up like mine. I lost my baby a week and a half ago.

I am a single mom with 3 boys. I have a good job and thought I had a good relationship. I found out I was pregnant, told him, and he told me to get an abortion. Basically what it came down to is he did not want the committment and responsiblities. I told him and my parents to kiss eggs and I was having this baby. I ended up ending the relationship with him because he could not be a real man and be here for me when I needed him most.

Like you I went through a ton of emotions, I was scared and unshure of everything. Go with your gut, everything happens for a reason. This baby is a blessing to you. Dont let anyone make you feel you have to get rid of the baby. You can do this. You are a mother now, lean on your children. Hug them, look at how special they are to you. You are just adding one more love just like that. I am not saying it will be easy, but in the end being a parent is so rewarding.

I know how much of a tough situation you are in. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are on the beginning of a hard journey. Embrase the support of the father. Even if the 2 of you dont end up together at least he is trying to make some effort.

Also like you I have suffered from depression for a long time. I was on wellbutrin. My doctor kept me on it while pregnant. She said it was safe for the baby. Speak with your doctor, they may have something that you can take that will be safe for the baby and help you out at the same time.

Many Many Hugs to you,
~ Missy

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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December 10th, 2005, 09:12 AM
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New Jersey
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oh missy, i am so very sorry for your loss. right now hes being incredibly selfish and he told me this morning thats hes pissed off because hes not getting his way. he said when he feels "trapped" he pushes back, yet in the same breath he tells me he wants to see me still. i don't get it. he claims hes not ready to be a parent, yet says he wants full custody of the baby so the baby can live with him. my head spins when i talk to him, so, i told him that i am not going to call for awhile. funny he sounded alittle disappointed by that. being scared does funny things to people, and whats hes doing is trying to pressure me into feeling like i am alone. well, in reality i am going to be, but i have been before and i survived. i told my family last night, my moms first question was is he going to marry me. it was hard not to show how upset i was. maybe hes deep down trying to stress me so i miscarry, thats why i need to distance myself for awhile. it hurts like hell, but i have this little baby to worry about. i know i am stronger than i give myself credit for right now, my older son is thrilled and i know hes going to be a great support for me. even though hes 11, hes an old soul. i got pregnant now and by him for a reason, he says its because we were careless, well, we were careless before and nothing, so i am looking at this alot differently than he is. but as of right now, we are not together, and i am not holding my breath. maybe he will come around, maybe not. i have much bigger things to focus my attention on now, myself, my family and my baby. now all i have to do is follow my own advice.

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December 10th, 2005, 12:13 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,217
Good luck and congrats. You seem like a strong person and you will make it through regardless fo what happens. Seems like this guy wants to be there for you and the baby. But if you do not want him there then that is your choice. Maybe let him come to the 18-20 week u/s. And let him be a daddy to the baby. But if you do not want him there for you and if he is going to stress you out more then anything then tell him to leave you alone right now. Either way you will need support. From him your family friends, etc. But many women do it without the support. So it is really up to you. I would take his support though, at least in the end. You will need help financially with this new baby and since it is 50% his then let him be their financially and emotionally for the baby. Either way good luck and I hope things work out for you.

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December 12th, 2005, 07:58 PM
AnnikasMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 6,572
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Hi Darlene,

welcome to JM. Sorry to hear about your situation. I think that you do need to allow him to go to the Dr's appointment. Maybe once he hears the heartbeat he will understand that there is a little human being in there. Then he may understand where you are coming from when you say that you want to keep this child.

I hope that everything works out. If you ever need to vent this is the place to do it. I'm also on Yahoo if you ever want someone to talk to.
Holley~ Mommy to Annika Lily (12/28/2005)

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December 12th, 2005, 10:17 PM
magilatuzzi's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vancouver Island, British Columbia
Posts: 4,599
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Just popping in from the july ddc....feel free to join us over there too! There are alot of very supporitive women there too, and judging by your ticker, I am guessing maybe you could find a due date buddy!
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DS Drew, 04/94, DS Braden, 10/97, DS Nick, 07/99, DD Danika 07/06, DD Gabriella 11/07,
DSD Rayelle 03/97, DSD Seryna, 06/01
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