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I was used....

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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July 30th, 2008, 11:55 PM
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 10
Fall 2005, I met this boy.
I was in college at the time...and so was he.
I instantly felt a spark. I had turned away EVERY other guy up until that point. I was 19 at the time.
So, we begin dating.
And, two months into our relationship, we had sex for the first time. It wasn't the first time having sex for him, but it was the very first time having sex for me.

I fell in love...hard core.

Well, a little later in our relationship, he convinced me to have unprotected sex. I wasn't on birth control...and we didn't use condoms. We did that for about seven months...and then I got pregnant. I don't know why I was ok with having unprotected sex....I was naive. I thought I would never get pregnant. But, I did.
And....we decided to have an abortion.

After that, I was devastated. I couldn't believe I actually went through with an abortion.
I mean, personally, I don't believe in abortions (unless they're under special circumstances...which, I won't go into right now)

After the very first time we had sex, my boyfriend wanted sex ALL THE TIME. Each time we were together, he wanted to have sex or at least "fool around"

When I had the first abortion, we were engaged.

Then....to make a long story short....six months later, I became pregnant again.
We were actually using condoms each time then....I suppose there was a hole in one of them or something.
But, I wanted desperately to keep this baby.
My fiance said NO. He wanted another abortion.
He told me things like he would leave me...and that he would kill himself. (I was living with his parents at the time and had nowhere else to go...plus, I loved him deeply and didn't want to lose him)
So...he manipulated me into having another abortion.

After that, he continued to use me for sex.

A year and about three months later....he broke up with me. Out of the blue.
It was after I wouldn't do something sexual with him that he really wanted me to do.
We had been engaged for....two years and four months.

So....a little over a month after we broke up, I did something very foolish and I had sex with him again.
I was on birth control for a week.
Now, I was told by a DOCTOR that a week was plenty enough time to be on birth control and then have sex.
But, anyway, I am now pregnant again...and...I am keeping the baby.

After I told my ex, he flipped out and instantly DEMANDED an abortion.
He kept calling me multiple times a day to discuss why I needed to have an abortion.
Then, he told me that he still loved me. And, that we could start dating again.
I agreed to that....and then I asked him the next day if he had told anyone we were back together again (because many people showed concern when we broke up)
But, he said he didn't feel a need to tell anyone....and that it wasn't that big of a deal.

The next day, he IMed me and said he didn't want to be with me...and I told him I was going to have the baby. Then, he said he didn't even care anymore.
He said he was going to do everything he could for the baby even if it meant taking full custody over it.
I told him that would never happen because he is a horrible person....and then he said "We'll let the courts decide that."

So....I have spoken to him a couple of times since then....and he said he wasn't going to help me during the pregnancy at all. He doesn't feel he should help pay for anything during the pregnancy.

I am so confused about this.

I can't believe I could have gotten involved with such a controlling, awful person.
I mean, he seemed rather goofy and sweet when I first met him..........his family messed him up BAD. (His family is a whole different story.)

Anyway, I am just wondering if anyone else is going to basically go through a pregnancy on their own....or if anyone has already gone through a pregnancy on their own.

I am not even sure what I need to buy during the pregnancy.
I am not even sure about ANYTHING during a pregnancy....I know nothing about babies or anything....I feel like I am in one big mess!!!!

I will end this now...I have more to say, but this is beginning to be a novel.
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July 31st, 2008, 12:45 AM
Ellemphriem's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Dreamland...........
Posts: 2,644
Hi there,

Never had a similar experience, but your story grabbed me by the lapels, so to speak. That must be harsh. I feel a total big mess myself because i was never prepared for a pregnancy and all but at least my husband is 100% supportive. Now adding to my own messed up feelings and fears your adventure would have totally flipped me. It takes guts to do what you decided to do and i congratulate you. I have no advice to offer since i know nothing about babies or what they need. And neither do i know much about pregnancies. But you lady, are a woman and a man in one! As for him messing you up i would say cut every communication because he seems totally f^%& up. He hasn't got a clue how full custodity is judged i gather. And claim your child. Above all don't let him fool you into another abortion. How far along are you now?


" \m/ Now Iím riding through the air
going to where no one dares
on the way Iíll cross the line forevermore \m/ "

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July 31st, 2008, 11:22 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,585
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First off welcome to unplanned pregnancy. I would agree that its time to cut communication from him. Talk to your parents find a support group to help you through this. You need to go to the doctors for prenatal care and start taking prenatal vitamins. Also figure out your due date by your last period and join a due date club here. They are very supportive and can help with a lot of questions. It is important that you start prenatal care, prenatal vitamins and eating right. Feel free to ask any specific questions here hun.

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July 31st, 2008, 02:05 PM
skat's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 198
Hi! I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds terrible and like you're very stressed. HUGS

I have never been in your situation, but a high school friend of mine experienced something similar. It was very hard on her and her family, but she made it through. It's been 12 years since she had her baby. I haven't spoken to her in many years, but the last time I saw her she was doing quite well.

I want to applaud you for keeping this baby. I think you will find he/she might just be the best thing to ever happen to you. Do you have family and or friends to support you emotionally during this very tough time? If not, you might want to join a mom's club in your area. In my opinion, you'll want someone to talk to and lean on throughout your pregnancy.

Please PM me if you ever need to "talk," vent or need a shoulder to cry on. I can probably give you more information than you will ever want about labor, the birth, breastfeeding, etc. You can do this!

I know this sounds silly to some, but I always tell myself...Everything happens, when it happens, for a reason. HUGS
<div align="center">


<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial Black">Sarah- Loving mama to Ally and Katy</div></span>
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July 31st, 2008, 02:09 PM
ldovey83's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,711
I am not a member of this group I was just lurking but your story stood out to me and first off I wanted to give you HUGS !!! What you did took alot of guts and congrats on the baby.. The other women had some good advice join the DDC here.. They are great and can give you great advice. I will keep you in my prayers as you go through this pregnancy. Best of luck to you..
MY Angels: Angelbean5-28-09 Stickybean8-13-09 SweetAngel6-1-10 Raindrop8-13-10Surpriseling10-20-12
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July 31st, 2008, 02:31 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,274
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Congratulations on your pregnancy! There is truly nothing like carrying a child and growing them for 9 months.

I'm Heather, 33 and expecting my 3rd child. This baby's father and yours must be related! I have never had an abortion but FOB demanded that I have one. Telling me how good things will be afterward, we'll start making summer plans, blah, blah, blah. I considered it for about 4 weeks and finally came to the conclusion that I just couldn't. I told him that I was keeping the baby at 8 weeks and the first thing he says to me is "you don't take care of the kids you've got". I was stunned!! I expected him to be mad but wow! Up till then he constantly told me what a fantastic mother I am.

Long story short, I am still pregnant...29 weeks tomorrow and feel so blessed to have this little boy coming into my life. I don't have any contact with the FOB at all. I have my bad days, I cry and wonder how anyone can not want to be a parent and be there for their own child, but for the most part I honestly am so focused on taking care of myself and baby that I think he can just take a flying leap. I am very lucky to have a great family to lean on and friends that tell me how great this is. It's hard some days, but it gets easier.

As far as what you need for pregnancy...you need a doctor or midwife, good healthy food to eat, prenatal vitamins and lots of emotional support. You need to get your ducks in a row and figure out what you're going to do for money, health care, etc after baby gets here. Start there hun. Eat well, drink your water and take your vitamins. If you can pick up a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" you'll have a good idea of what to expect from your body and prenatal visits, etc.

Hugs, hugs, hugs. Feel free to PM me if you want to. I know how it makes your heart feel to be used and feel stupid at the end of it. (You're NOT stupid, he took advantage.)
<div align="center"></div>

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August 1st, 2008, 05:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,471
Another lurker here ---

I've had a similar experience.
If you'd like to chat, feel free to PM me.
<div align="center"></div>
thanks to princesskate for my adorable siggy!
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August 1st, 2008, 07:36 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 216
Lanis I'm sorry to hear about your situation but I think first of all you may need to receive some councelling or some legal advise about this ex of yours. Have you consulted your parents or anyone else who can be a mentor and support?

He sounds as though he may have some maturity and emotional issues so I would be making your decision and cutting ties as quick as possible. Unfortunatley what is done is done and you need to decide whether you're keeping the baby or going to cut all ties with this man altogether. I would personally seek some help through a helpline or other such support that may be available to you.
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August 4th, 2008, 03:13 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 384
I'm going through a sorta similar situation. One minute he seemed like he was coming around...now he is all over me about having an abortion. Talking about how we will do it the right way, get married, take our relationship to the next level...promising me the moon and the stars. Honey I am keeping my baby. I love this man tremendously, but kill my child for him, I will not. It hurts like hell that he is behaving the way he is...but I keep thinking about this wonderful life inside me that makes it all worth it. I went for my 1st trimester screening today and got to see my little one up close and personal...can I tell you s/he already looks like daddy! I wanted to cry when I saw my little one up there and thought about the BS that his/her daddy was saying to me just moments earlier...the fact he wouldn't even be there to see his beautiful creation. But you know what, when I saw how healthy and BIG and active s/he is...nothing else mattered. At the end of the day, it is HIS loss.

This is my first, and I guess I have some maternal instinct and the experience of raising my little bro to guide me. You don't need a manual honey, just support and trust me, there is PLENTY of it right here! Not to mention, it seems as though his family is supportive...my SO's family is tremendously supportive as well and they help me through the rough days of his BS. Just take it one day at a time and truly relish (sp?) in the grandeur of the life inside of you. It is TRULY a blessing and after everything you've been through, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!

Daddy was white as a ghost when he saw my little heart beating and that's hard to do!
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August 5th, 2008, 06:15 PM
Jodi Dawn's Avatar Host of the Jan-July 05 P
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 25,747
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Congrats on keeping you baby. Everything will work out. Turn to your family for help. When you go to the dr they can set you up with birthing classes and parenting classes if you are interested in those kind of things. Best wishes and hugs for going through all that you have.
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