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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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December 19th, 2005, 10:12 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
I'm wondering if Doof ever came back and read his feedback?

I love my 3 girls and little boy:

Mom to Jessica - 19 yrs old, Amber - 18 yrs old, Sebastian - 2 months
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December 19th, 2005, 11:00 AM
kwestern's Avatar Coolest Mom Ever
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 7,337
I'm wondering if Doof ever came back and read his feedback?[/b]
I believe he has been back a few times.. he's posted a few times. I hope we helped

Thank you Kara for my siggy!
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December 20th, 2005, 11:58 AM
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141

Well, here's my advice to you. I applogize, but this may take a while to read. At 20, I had an abortion, and there's not one day that goes by that I don't regret it. I was on the pill and never missed a day! Yup, three years later and I'm still not over it. My bf at the time wanted me to have the abortion and so, because I didn't want to be left to do it alone, I went through with it. Not only did we break up afterwards, but I felt so terrible about the decision I had made. I felt he had pressured me, because I told him endlessly that I was ready to have this baby, but he kept telling me it was bad timing and that he wouldn't have anything to do with this.
The point I'm trying to make, is that if she's saying she wants this baby, don't you EVER make her feel bad about it. It's ultimately her decision. If you somehow manage to convince her that an abortion is the right way to go and she goes for it even though deep down she wants this baby, she will end up regretting it. And that's one of those things in life you just can't really handle well. You were both ready to have sex, well then you need to be ready to deal with the responsibilities that go with that. Sorry to say, but pregnancy is a result of sex, and well, if you weren't ready for fatherhood so much to the point where you'd rather see a baby fetus die over it, you shouldn't have had sex in the first place. K, I know I sound harsh, but trust me, I learned that the hard way.
To add, if you not being ready, the fact that she's got some debt, and the fact that you two aren't really stable in your relationship are the only things making you want an abortion,...You're simply looking for an easy way out. Point #1:No one is ever truly ready for a baby, planned or unplanned. So just because you're not quite ready and this didn't happen like it does in the fairytales, there's not excuse to deny a baby life. Trust me, at some point, you'll get over this feeling of being scared and not ready. Point #2: Debt can be turned around. She can get a job, and go talk to a financial advisor about how to help minimize her debt (I used to work for a bank, so I know that even the most debt-stricken people can rise above it). So help her get herself in a better position, encourage her to work hard at creating a lifestyle that will be comfortable for her and most importantly her little baby. Tell her that if she wants this baby, you'll help her prepare for this as best you can, but ultimately it's up to her to get herself out of her financial mess. Point #3: In my experience, broken up or divorced parents can be just as awesome and sometimes even better moms and dads than parents who are together. So what if things between you and her aren't going well. It happens everyday to people! No need to run from it, because every couple goes through ups and downs, and yeah, sometimes the best thing is to not be together. The absolute last thing you should do is stay together for the baby. You're not doing anyone any favors, trust me. So whether together or apart, you can do this. Even if it seems like it's the end of the world, bud, trust me, it's only the beginning of life! If you stay involved in this baby's life, you will find so many moments of joy that will make your heart melt! And to think you'd miss out on that just because you were scared. It would be a shame. You sound like a great guy, but you need a bit of guidance, my friend. Talk to someone about this. Not your friends, not your parents, but maybe a councellor that can help really sort out your feelings. I know it sounds wussy, but it may help. They're professionals that are neutral to your situation. Then, once the decision is made to either keep or not keep this baby, then go talk to your friends and family about it. Though they may be able to listen to you, friends and family sometimes don't give the best advice because they're bias toward you and your wellbeing. Now, I'm not saying abortions are evil and make people go to hell. But when a woman is pregnant, and she's not ready to let go of her baby, then an abortion is never the way to go. But if she makes the decision all on her own to not keep the little one, then so be it. And hey, what ever happened to adoption!? There are lots of families who can't have babies, and would die to have one! So don't exclude option 3!
Well, I hope this helps. Take care and good luck with all of this. Be strong, and don't let your fears and insecurities cloud your judgement. Easier said then done, I know. But nevertheless, good luck!

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December 21st, 2005, 08:23 AM
soninole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 13,473

I think that most of the ladies have given some very good advice. An unplanned pregnancy is a shock at any age. I know because I am 31 and dealing with that myself. It took me weeks to come to terms with the fact that I am going have a child. Please do not make any rash decisions on this. This may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. One of my sisters also dealt with this at age 16. She is now the mother of 3 beautiful children and has a wonderful life.

I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully you and your ex-girlfriend can handle this in a friendly manner.

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December 21st, 2005, 12:07 PM
kristina13's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,490
Im not sure if you are still reading this....but I know exactly how you feel. I am 21 and my bf is 19. We just found out I am pregnant a few months ago. Now, we love each other very much, and see a baby as a blessing. But let me tell you, initially....we were freaked. Trust me, even if you are not financialy stable and if you are not in a great relationship, as long as you can have a partner ship, you can make it work.
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