Log In Sign Up

He hopes it died????

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Unplanned Pregnancy LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
January 13th, 2006, 07:53 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
I didn't expect a happy response, but I did NOT expect that!!!!!!!

He didn't say it in anger at least. He just let me know how much he believes in ABORTION! I so could NOT believe what I was hearing! If it wasn't such a serious situation, I would've thought he was KIDDING!

He basically refused to come over, so I ended up telling the father on the telephone. I can understand him being shocked, but when he said THAT, I hung up on him.

He showed up at my door pretty quick and we talked more. He was a little more sensitive, but still just adamant about the fact that he doesn't want the baby.

And yet, he wants to go to the ultrasound with me tomorrow.......?????? It's his right, but I just don't know how good of a support system that will be for ME...you know, ME, the one who's been trying to do everything in my power to make sure that OUR baby IS healthy and wondering every second of every day if I HAVE miscarried???

I just don't know what to think now. I guess there's no point in me worrying until we find out tomorrow if the baby is still okay. But holy hannah am I upset.

As harsh as his statements were, I wish he had stayed, because at least when he was here, he was holding me. It would be nice if he came back tonight. I don't think I'll be doing much sleeping.

"As my memory rests/ but never forgets what I lost/ wake me up when September ends."
Reply With Quote
January 13th, 2006, 10:23 PM
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141
Again, I'm so sorry to hear things didn't go all that well. It's nice to hear though that after he calmed down after you hung up on him, that he was holding you and keeping his cool. I think with time, he'll come around. He doesn't sound like a bad guy at all, so just hang in there. I wrote you a big long email (as per usual!), so I'll keep this brief, so you don't get too sick of me!!
We're thinking of you sweetie! I have complete faith that things will turn out ok for you guys!

If you ever need to talk, you know where I am!
Praying for you always,

Reply With Quote
January 14th, 2006, 12:48 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
The ultrasound showed an empty uterus...so I did miscarry. He took me for tea after and we cleared the air. I obviously still need to grieve, but I think he and I are okay now. Although he still refuses to let anyone into his life.

"As my memory rests/ but never forgets what I lost/ wake me up when September ends."
Reply With Quote
January 16th, 2006, 10:36 PM
momma06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,645
Send a message via MSN to momma06 Send a message via Yahoo to momma06
I'm sorry you miscarried I guess it just wasn't the right time for you to carry a child yet. Hopefully you guys will work things out and then when the time is right you will conceive again and everything will be great. Good luck with everything and good luck with any future pregnancies!

Reply With Quote
January 17th, 2006, 12:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
As harsh as this sounds, please don't take it in the wrong way.

I'm sorry that you had a m/c and I know what you are going through. I remember looking at an empty kidney bean with my first m/c. It was heartbreaking and it still haunts me...though the feelings get less and less intense as the years pass by.

In the same sense, though...this was meant to be. It sounded like you were going to have a bunch of problems from the begining so this may have been a small blessing in disguise.

I always asked myself "why did this m/c happen to me"....it was easy to get jealous of those beautiful babies that I saw with parents who didn't care, or didn't deserve, their beautiful child. As I got older and wiser, I learned that things happen for a reason and it's always in your (my) best interest, though I may not see it at that moment.

Now that you have gotten a "taste" of how he'll react, I would think twice about continuing a relationship with this man if you plan to have children in the future. Maybe he's not ready now but will be in the future....maybe he is ready but was just in shock. I would have to at least evaluate what has happened over the past few weeks and seriously consider what you want for you and your future babies.

I love my 3 girls and little boy:

Mom to Jessica - 19 yrs old, Amber - 18 yrs old, Sebastian - 2 months
Reply With Quote
January 17th, 2006, 05:20 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
I know. I know I'm being stupid wanting to be with him. It's so backwards, really. And yet I can't help the way I feel.

I'm so alone right now, too, and that just is NOT helping.

I shouldn't be the one worrying if he'll ever sleep with ME again...he should be the one worrying about me never speaking to him again! So why can't I just DO that?? Just kick him to the curb?? Why? Probably because I just had his baby growing inside of me.

I know I'm rationalizing, but it WAS his INITIAL response.

I'm just such a mess right now. I'm angry at everything and just want to punch the wall and cry. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm lashing out at your responses, it's just really hard to have people telling me that I should forget about him, like I can just shut my heart off. Pretty much the only friend I have left to talk to about this said the same thing to me just hours ago.

Like I said, I know I'm being stupid, but my feelings haven't caught up to that rationalization. I'm sure I'll eventually give up on the false hope that he will come around. But right now I don't feel like I have anything else to hold on to.

"As my memory rests/ but never forgets what I lost/ wake me up when September ends."
Reply With Quote
January 17th, 2006, 05:26 PM
zoey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,835
I agree with the others. There are much better men out there. This guy sounds like a total Jerk. You should not be worrying about if he'll sleep with you again, you should stand proud and kick him to the curb. There are good men out there.
I hope you feel better soon. Im sorry you lost the baby.
Reply With Quote
January 17th, 2006, 06:37 PM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
bcmomma...I went thru a very similar experience...I'm sorry I'm jumping in here...i have never posted in this forum before but I saw your post and I had to reply...my name is Norina. I had 2 m/c's last year...I went thru a major depression, my b/f broke up with me and for all intensive purposes was a jerk. I couldn't let go of him...and it was because I had his babies inside me at one time...it was a connection that could never be severed. I got pg again recently from him and his inital response was "what do you want me to say"...needless to say we had an arguement, I was crying, hung up on him the works...he invited me to breakfast the next day and was a bit more empathetic. It's been two weeks and he's coming around more and more...as for him I know he's trying to be somewhat distance himself because getting attached and losing it would be too hurtful for him. It may sound like excuses but it's true. Some men just can't handle emotional issues...
Anyway I wanted to let you know I am VERY sorry for your loss. not sure if you've been over to the pg loss board but I would highly recommend it. The women there are WONDERFUL and you will find so much support...beyond what you can imagine. Also I am available my pm if you need someone to talk to.
I feel for you...
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
Reply With Quote

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:58 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0