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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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February 27th, 2006, 02:36 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
How old is your sister and does she have any kids of her own? She sounds a little bit jealous, if you ask me. I know that she's concerned but sheesh, tell her to back off a little. You need support....not a lecture.

Hey, I was a single mom for a long time.....and one that had a low income for a long time too. I've been on welfare, had food stamps, and medicaid - the gov't even gave me grants to send me through school. That didn't make me a worse mother because I didn't have a lot of money. And besides, if a guy who's a drug addict can change, why can't a young pregnant mom grow and change as well? Just because I started out with a low income, doesn't mean I had to stay that way, thank you very much. I now make a pretty decent living and I have a couple of college degrees. Just need time, that's all. And besides...I'm paying back all the gov't extra's by the HUGE amount of taxes that I now have to pay - lol.

Thing is, your sis loves you....but it sounds like she's butting in her nose where it's not needed right now. You need her support right now....not her lectures.

My sis drives me crazy.....she's a good person, but see's things WAYYYYY differently than I do (Im a country/mountain girl...she's a big city diva - you know, she always makes jokes about "west virginia rednecks/mentality" but uhhhh, I'm the one with the college education hehehehe). Lol, nothing you can do though....can't change your sister....that's your flesh and blood....and your baby's aunt. You'll need her in your life sooner or later. Just try to work it out with her but who says you have to listen to her?

I love my 3 girls and little boy:

Mom to Jessica - 19 yrs old, Amber - 18 yrs old, Sebastian - 2 months
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February 27th, 2006, 07:04 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
I agree with pcgirl...sounds like a ton of jealousy there. Of course if you were to call her on that, she'd deny it...
Well, maybe if she starts to lecture you on something, find something about her life and instead of trying to defend yourself, just change the subject to her and something she's doing and give her the same attitude. I'd say at this point, even acknowledging anything negative she says about the pregnancy would be just feeding her jealousy. Sounds like she's almost trying to make you feel stupid because of this baby/pregnancy...It's a form of bullying, and you don't need to put up with it. She's your sister, and will always be family which is why you can and should stand up for yourself. She obviously cares, and may not be aware that she's putting you down instead of being supportive. You just need to sit her down, and tell her "I'm really happy you're concerned, I'd be upset if you weren't...but I need you to be supportive in a positve way and so far, you've just been very negative. If you want to be there for me, please keep your negativity to yourself. I want you there, but if things keep going the way they are, I'm afraid it'll cause a lot of tension and distance between us."
or at least something along those lines.

Just remember, this is YOUR decision and YOUR life! You're going to be a great mom, degree or no degree, rich or not rich...Don't let anyone, including family, ruin this happy time for you. It's like ppl don't realize that WE are the pregnant ones ! Like as if we're not already scared to death about this huge change in our lives, the last thing we need is for others to feed that fear!! Oh well, ppl will never learn!! But we're here for ya!! and you can email me anytime if you need to talk. [email protected]
Visit my blog here.
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February 27th, 2006, 07:58 PM
Lekilig86's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC (until April 11th)
Posts: 776
I had to take time to read this. Your sister is just like my mom and dad are right now as we speak. Only i think my parents are diff. in some ways not saying exactly what they feel but they make it clear how they feel in actions. People judge and make assumptions and that is life i suppose...it isn't fair, as long as your sister is giving you the room to do what you feel is necessary...unlike my parents right now. At least you are back on track with your mom that is most important.
Much love and luck to you,
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February 28th, 2006, 02:57 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Posts: 1,824
I know how you feel, but I think that you should ignore your sis cause she is just plain jealous that you have achieved something that she is still to achieve. The truth of the matter is that at your age you have to start making decisions that enanble YOU to live with yourself. I was in pretty much the same situation at the beginning of my pregnancy, and I made the decision that I knew would be best for me. You do what you have to do, and at the end of the day people will have to accept your choices. Like you have already noticed people will always venture an opinion, wanted or not, so you take what you can work with and leave the rest alone. You can always go to college later, and get the degree that you wanted, if it is that important to you.

Otherwise keep your head up, you have made a very brave decision. You will find it easy to live with yourself.
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February 28th, 2006, 05:32 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Hi Sweetie,

It is not easy raising a baby on your own. It is difficult and hard at best. I am a single mom of 3 boys and have been raising them on my own for the past 10 years. I understand a little of what your sister is saying - deep down inside of her she wants what is best for you - she is just going about it the wrong way.

Dont let my words above discourage you - being a parent is one of the most beautiful things ever. My oldest son turned 15 recently and I was talking to him about the day he was born - how the first time I held him I had never felt unconditional love so strong - how I have loved watching him grow into the person that he is today - how I wish his life was easier and I had all the money to buy him the most expensive toys out there. He said "mom, you have always done the best for us, you have always been there for me, you are the best mom anyone could ever ask for". Right there it justified everything I have ever felt.

Having a mom and dad there for a child is important but it does not mean the child will be cheated of anything. I have male friends that are roll models for my boys. I have a brother that has spent time with them. What children need is stability, to know that someone is there for them no matter what. You will be that stability, you will be that someone, you will be the center of their life.

It is not an easy path you have decided to take but the most rewarding ever. Dont let others discourage you. Tell your sister that you love her and right now need her to be strong for you. Tell her that you need her to be there for you.

Many Hugs,

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

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February 28th, 2006, 10:14 AM
jennyn's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: SLC, Utah
Posts: 297
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you are absolutely right! the most rewarding things in this life are always hard. if you never have to fight for anything, if you never have to work at it, then it's not a life, it's an existence. you are going to be fine! even if there are days when you will want to rip your hair out. and you will be happier than your sister because of those days.
Jenny (22), mama to Zoe (3.5) and Selene (5 mo), and fiancee to Dale (22)!
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March 1st, 2006, 04:32 AM
Posts: n/a
I think your sister probably is concerned about you and your mother. Having a new baby is hard. She is right about that, but its not impossible. I have plenty of friends who are doing it on their own. The amount of money you make is not important as long as you can provide for your child. Plus, there are tons of programs to help you such as Medicaid, WIC, and food stamps. Your child could care less about your education level. The most important thing a baby needs is love from their parent(s). I think you will do just fine. You made the choice to keep this baby so it sounds like you thought about your options. Just keep your head up and keep doing what you are doing. Good Luck.
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