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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 3rd, 2006, 08:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,615
As we all know, my pregnancy was unplanned. I have two children already (DS - 8 years; DD 10 months), and having two babies one year apart was not planned...neither was having 3 kids PERIOD. Yes, it's been a shock, YES, it took adjustment, yes, it's turned our lives upside down, yes, we're still trying to figure out how it happened w/ all the BC we were using. BUT, are we happy abuot it? OF COURSE! DH and I have been married for over 3 years. My DH is adopted and has always felt a hole in his life because he had no blood relations. He looks at DD as his first ever blood relation, and it has changed him so much for the better. Now he'll have two. It's going to make us financially tight, and we'll be squeezed into this little house...but after the initial shock and awe, we have coem to a place where we are actually truly excited about this little one. We've already named her (or him, just in case), we did that in the first week we found out (which wasn't so long ago). We're just anxiously awaiting seeing our precious "Oops" baby.

So, why is my mother being such a **tch about it? I swear the woman is determined to be unhappy. First off, my DH has depression and before DD was born my mother told me she was worried that one day he'd just get so frustrated and hurt our baby. Now, I was in shock. I think a lot of things about my DH, and I worry about his depression...but he's generally content to hurt himself. I have NEVER, and will never, believe he would hurt one of our children. I know she doesn't think he's a good father to my son, even though he IS. NOW, with this one, I think she believes we shouldn't have it or should give it up for adoption or something (which my DH could never do having been adopted himself...and I could never do, otherwise I wouldn't have DS because he would have been put up for adoption). She has made snide comments about the name we've chosen (strange and wierd, she says)...and I found out last night she's basically told no one that she's going to be a grandmother again. I'm so hurt by this. I found out accidentally...one of her co-choir members from church came in to my work and we talked for a bit. The lady said she had no idea I was pregnant (I'm nearly 7 months along and have known for 6 weeks now)...that my mom hadn't said anything about it! Part of me wants to confront her...but I've never been good at confronting my mom. Ever since I've gotten married my relationship with her has just gone downhill so badly and part of me is so hurt by this...but part of me is so frustrated by her attitude towards my husband (that she never showed before we were married...she loved him before that...and KNEW he was depressive before we got married)...that I just don't want to talk to her. We recently found out that my dad is really ill, and that he's been goign through testing for a while w/o telling us kids...so DH and I tried to blow off her attitude worsening as that...but now it seems like it's even getting worse.

I know having a 3rd child was unplanned and the timing isn't the best and probably would have been great for it not to happen...but it DID! It's not like I was trying. Why can't she finally treat me like an adult and be happy for me? For heavens sake, I'm nearly 30 now...my bro has been divorced and remarried adn she doesn't treat him like this.

Sorry, had to vent frustrations...

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March 3rd, 2006, 11:50 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
URGH! I am sooooo incredibly annoyed with families and the negativity they can bring to such a joyous moment in life!! Luckily, my own family has been simply amazing and the only negative comment I heard was from my Grandma who said "well, if this is what you want...I just hope another occasion like a wedding is going to follow this shortly..." And then she went and made the baby a sweater/bonnet/bootie set...lol
I'm having issues with my b/f family because they're the ones (well in large part his mom) who have been negative. Even his bro who I get along with famously has said some pretty negative stuff to my b/f about it, but has now moved on to just being excited and involved.
I just don't understand what's up with these ppl!!!! Like, is it something about certain families where happiness isn't seen as a good thing and they think that speaking their stupid opinions really makes things better??!!! DEAR GOD !!!!! I've read post after post about mom's, MIL, Dads, b/f, DH, the guy down the street, ect. being super negative to us about our unplanned pregnancies and frankly, I never thought the world was such a harsh and miserable place! I know life is mostly good and stuff, but this sort of thing really bothers me! I mean, if you can't rely on your family and friends for support, than who can you? And you know, it's always ONE or TWO ppl who just seem to bring us down!! Who the heck do they think they are!!!! It would be so nice somedays to just write them off, but of course, they're family and we're stuck with them forever!
I wish I had some advice for you that didn't involve a really serious sit-down talk with your mom...Honestly, if she's causing you grief, and you're not happy about the way she's treating your hubby or the situation, she needs to be made aware of it. I don't think it's too much for you to ask for her to keep her negativity to herself for your sake at least seeing as how you're her daughter. And well, if she refuses for whatever reason, then IMO, it's fair game to keep her out of the pregnancy until she can learn to behave herself and be there for you. As for her attitude with your husband, again, tell her how you feel about it. Like, he hasn't hurt the kids so far, so she needs to keep her accusations to herself especially since they haven' t even occured and probably never will! So until something does happen, (which is extremely unlikely), then fine, you know how she feels, now she can just be quiet about it!! GOD!!!
Sorry if I seem really b*tchy, but I just feel so bad about this because I know what it feels like to have someone be so negative about something so happy. It's just not fair! And they need to be told that it's not appropriate! and if they can't deal with that, then they don't get the good stuff when the baby's here and that's that!!! URGH!!!
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