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Someone I know in a real dilemma....is this right?

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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July 7th, 2009, 03:35 PM
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Woman becomes pregnant and decides not to tell the father...is this right? Does it happen often?
A very very dear friend of mine has become pregnant and has made if very clear the father of the child is to never know.

She feels he is not fit to be a father and she wants him no where near or child.

As far as I know no one is going to tell him, it is her place to tell him.

And we all know the guy he is a real peice of work. He is a lies, he cheats, he has a drinking problem, and a real temper. And she is probably right the baby doesn't need to be around him.

I think the baby would be safer if they were never in the same room together.

Anyways though is it right to do this? Will this back fire on her? Does the father have the right to know?

Is she doing the right thing or are there better ways to go about it.

She has a new boyfriend (a good friend of hers for years) who she started dating before she discovered she was pregnant who says "he will be the father and take care of the baby"

But it doesn't work like that, is she being irrational?

I don't know. I'm just a concerned friend who wants to help

She doesn't want child support she just doesn't want the father anywhere near her and the baby, she said that break up was the best thing to ever happen to her.

As a mother to be I can understand her wanting to protect her child.

i mean is it better to tell the father and risk the child being abused or to keep it a secret and protect the child.

I don't really know I'm just thankful I'm not in that situation

Last edited by Chicago12386; July 7th, 2009 at 03:47 PM.
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July 8th, 2009, 09:57 AM
ThatGirl's Avatar Rawr.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,234
Hmmmmm. Well if he really is as bad as you say then it might be in the childs best interest to not know their real father. However it gets real tricky. Does the new boyfriend know that he isn't the real father? If she is lying to him then it isn't right. What happens if they split up and she goes after him for child support? Will he find out then that this baby that he has loved and cared for isn't his biologically? What happens when the child finds out that they have been lied to their whole life? That's not a good feeling. I'm not sure that being dishonest would be the best route. I would think that she should contact a lawyer and work on terminating the bio dads rights legally and then having the new man in her life do an adoption if that is what she really wants. It might be more work right now but won't come back to bite her in the butt later.

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July 8th, 2009, 02:30 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pickering, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,208
This is a hard situation to make a wrong or right (black or white) decision on. On the one hand, you want the baby to be safe and away from such a person... on the other hand.... what about the father's family? Although he may not be fit to have anything to do with the baby, his family may have an interest...

It's a really hard call.

and what about later in life...? tough, tough call

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July 11th, 2009, 06:37 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I think it's a case of only she knows what is right for her & her baby... there are lot of different angles to think about it from - her right to protect her child, his right to know his child, etc etc etc... I hope that it all works out for your friend!

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July 13th, 2009, 11:31 AM
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The guy shes with now knows its not his baby. But he's been in love with her forever, since he met her in freshman year of highschool and he said he would be the babys father.

I don't think he realizes what he is getting into, and when that baby is born and he sees the real father in that baby, is he going to be able to handle it?

I mean you can't play house in real life

But if he knowingly puts his name on the birth certificate and it comes out he knew all along the baby wasn't his couldn't it cause more problems down the road all around.

And with all things like this the truth usually comes out.

But she doesn't want the fathers child support, she doesn't ever want to see the guy again, she doesn't want to risk him abusing the child.

And she has made this all very clear. She feels if he knows he will get rights to the child, and he may be able to get custody. I don't know how that works but she fears because he is an officer of the law that that will happen and she will lose her baby to him forever.

I feel most of this is out of fear but I don't know what went on behind closed doors.

She has accepted a job in San Francisco and her and her new BF are moving at the end of the month

Last edited by Chicago12386; July 13th, 2009 at 11:36 AM.
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July 16th, 2009, 12:12 AM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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I think probably in the circumstances I would probably do the same but at the same time I don't agree with girls getting pregnant and not telling the father.

♥ Isla Rae Due August 28th

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July 17th, 2009, 10:35 AM
alicia1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 2,671
Well it is her decision and she'll do what she feels is right for her. I think if I were in her position I would move on with my life too. I wouldn't burdon another man into thinking he was the father. I'd just accept that the man she had sex with is sort of like a sperm donor. She got the best part of him and now he can be in the past. If she's ok with raising her baby on her own then good for her.

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