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Making plans to tell him.

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 6th, 2006, 11:28 AM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36

I'm probably around 6 or 7 weeks along now. I had had a little worry last week because of some spotting and cramping - the cramping hasn't gone completely away, but there's not a whole lot they can do this early anyway.

The first doctor's appt is on Thursday and after that I have to bite the bullet and tell the bf. He's NOT going to take this well at all. In fact, that may be a severe understatement.

There's no way to show him that this wasn't on purpose - not to be morbid, but I'd do almost anything for this to have not happened to us - I feel pretty down on myself today.

Logically, I realize this is not just my fault, but as the single mom of a 9 year old, I find it hard to see it that way, and I'm sure he, his friends, and his family will find it hard to see it that way as well.

Did any of you have a hard situation telling him? or were you guys all in a relationship that was heading towards the next step already?
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March 6th, 2006, 01:42 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
dont think its your fault because its not..he might not take it too well when u first tell him but give him time and hopefully he'll come around..hey you never no he might even be really excited about it...i really hope things go good for u and ill be crossing my fingers that they do!..i hope the cramping goes away and everything is fine..dont worry about what his friends and family think they dont no anything and if they dont like it that your having his child to bad and theyll come around..they should realize that his life isnt over just because he has a child its the beginning of all the joy and happiness that comes along with this child..i did have a hard time telling the father of my baby i was pregnant since it was unplanned. we have been together for 3 years and everything was great untill i got pregnant...hes still not happy or excited about our son but its fine but i dont mind enjoying all the great things i will be having with him by myself and hell regret it in the end..keep your head up and we're always here for u so whenever u need to talk your always welcome here!

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March 6th, 2006, 02:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
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Hey Girl!! I can completely relate to what you are going through. I'm 9 weeks pregnant and found out that I was at about 5 weeks. Well the first person I told was my fiance, and he was in shock so there wasn't much he could say except for me to get an abortion (which I immediately shot down). Well after the shock wore off he kept on saying that I got pregnant on purpose blah blah blah, and, like you, I had no way of proving that I didn't. Well he goes off and tells two of our mutual friends at the time that I did it on purpose and they tell him to leave me!!!
However, since the initial shock and terror of the pregnancy has worn off, my fiance has come around a lot and is excited about the baby. (As long as these "friends" aren't telling him that his life is "ruined" and other bulls*** of the sort.)
I know it's hard finding out about an unplanned pregnancy, no matter what age you are or at what point in your life or your relationship with your partner you are. I'm 20 years old, in college, and wasn't planning on having children until after I had my master's degree.
I'm really glad that you are on the site b/c there are sooo many wonderful girls on here that can offer advice, or just vent with you whenever needed.
Oh and about the spotting: I have experienced spotting twice since I've found out I was pregnant, and my doctor told me that spotting early in pregnancy is not uncommon. He said as long as it's not heavy bleeding then there's nothing to worry about. I know it's hard not to worry, but just try not to think about it until you can get to the doctor!!
Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!!!!
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March 6th, 2006, 03:33 PM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
I appreciate the support.
I think the hardest part is feeling like that sentiment is right.
Yes, I know I was careful, but he doesn't - that's a trust thing.
And because I have a 9 year old, he's going to feel like I should have known better.
I'm so disappointed with myself that part of me has to agree.
I don't know how to overcome that.
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March 6th, 2006, 04:54 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
Hey sweetie,
Please, try not to be so hard on yourself. You did what you could to prevent this (apart from not having sex at all) and so this is just as much his responsibility as it is yours. In fact, if he is soooo against having a child right now then he should have taken steps on his end to prevent this too, such as condoms with spermicidal goop etc...He can't entirely blame this on you because he should know that b/c isn't 100% fool proof!

I know you're feeling down right now and that's ok. It's good that you get these feelings out now rather than later. It's perfectly normal for you to be scared and down in dumps over this...it wasn't planned! So just take it day by day, and you'll see, things will starts looking better as time goes on.
If he does end up being a big jerk about things, than thank your lucky stars that the relationship wasn't really going anywhere anyway, because you don't need someone that negative in your life, especially right now. As much as you'll be hurt and whatnot, you'll be just fine w/o him if that's how things pan out.
But give him time too... Let him feel the things he'll feel at first, and then give him time to let it all sink in...Guys aren't the best at expressing themselves, especially when things come as such a big shock as this. But once you give him time, don't put up with any negativity or bad attitude, because that's just destructive for both you and the baby.
Take care sweetie, and good luck! Let us know what happens and if you ever need to talk, email [email protected] or PM me.
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March 7th, 2006, 05:57 AM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
Some shock assness, eh?
Lol, I think you underestimate just how much ##### my honey can show at once. It's that Italian temper - he gets defensive and mean and then falls apart when he makes me cry - thank goodness we don't really fight, it's always over stupid stuff - or who knows what kind of stuff he'd say.
lol, though I think I'm going to find out!
(I think I'm in the hysterical phase, because all of this is really very funny to me at the moment.)
We did have a random talk last night because of the South Dakota abortion ban stuff that's going on - apparantly he believes in very early term abortions... that's how he described it, then went on to clarify that by early term, he means the morning after pill.
I know that can change when it's their own life being affected but it gives me hope that we won't have to have that fight amongst the others.

I appreciate the support though - heaven knows I need it.
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March 7th, 2006, 08:30 AM
Posts: n/a
I can relate to being afraid to tell him. When I first told my DH (he was my bf at the time), we had only been together a little over a month. We had been using protection, but I started having some strange symptoms. I was going to wait until I was late, but he caught me crying in the bathroom so I just blurted it out. He went all silent and said he had to leave for work. I think that was the hardest reaction to swallow because he acted really indifferent. When he came home, he told me he thought about it and he would stay with me and he would probably be excited later. Then he came home the next night and told me that he would be excited. A couple of days later he told me that he was excited. In the end, he ended up confessing that he had thought about it and told me that he would like to try if I wasn't pregnant. Honestly, I was shocked. I think the best thing you can do is just tell him and don't take his initial reaction to heart. Its a big shock for anyone. Just think how surprised you were when you found out, and you had an idea that you might be. Unless you have hinted, he is going to be completely caught off guard. I think you should wait till he adjusts to the idea and then watch his reactions. Hopefully, your guy will surprise you as much as mine suprised me. Good Luck.
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March 7th, 2006, 09:12 AM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
lol, well, I'm not only worried about him, I'm worried about his scary deeply Catholic family.
They're going to throw me in the swamp or something.
I'm close to his youngest brother - he's like my own brother - but that only goes so far, and if they think this happened on purpose, then I'm toast.
They'll drown me in holy water... Something.

I'm just a big chicken, is the truth.

Talking with my dad last night - dad said something about how he's glad I'm not pregnant like my sister, that that would just put him over the edge and he'd completely lose it - that he's barely functioning now. I just kind of choked and looked at him.

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March 7th, 2006, 09:41 AM
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
ME TOO! I mean, I wanted more children, sure, but I wanted that whole 'love' thing first where you had commitments and rings and the like.
I wanted to not worry about my custody battle that I've been fighting for EIGHT YEARS and to not have to worry about money and a place to live and all that.
Now I have to worry about his family and his job and dreams too because i love them all - and well... if he thinks I got pregnant to 'trap' him, he obviously thinks more of himself than I do, because I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy!

and yes, i wanted to crawl under the couch when dad said that. but, it wasn't the right time... I think my bf comes first.
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