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anyone else anxious?

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 3rd, 2005, 12:45 PM
Ashtyns_mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am pregnant with my 1st child. She is very unplanned, and somedays I feel fine with the pg but most days I am a nervous wreck! I didnt want my 1st child until I was 28 or 29 and I am only 25 now.

I know that babies are blessings, but I am just not sure if I am ready to be blessed yet....

I love my husband, and I think he feels the same way I do. I am not sure if either of us are ready to be parents, but we have to be now. I feel so stuck.

What makes all this worse is that I am currently living 2.5 hours away from my DH and only get to see him on the weekends. We talk on the phone everynight but it is so hard being away from him when I need his support right so badly. I feel so insecure about everything right now! I will be able to go on maternity leave in 7 weeks and 1 day from now but until then I have to suffer...

I am so afraid that I wont be a good mother to this baby b/c I am really resenting her right now. I know that I am beign selfish, but I cant seem to knock this feeling. Also, I know absolutely nothing about babies!! I have been reading but it seems like as soon as I read something I forget what I read. Is it possible that I am having an early dose of post partum depression?

Has anyone else ever felt this way or had this situation before? I feel so alone right now but if there is someone else who feels this way maybe I could talk to her and maybe I will find out I am not as screwy as I think I am

Oh and Congratulations on your pregnancies everyone!!

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March 3rd, 2005, 01:04 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
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Welcome to JM and congrats! I think any 1st child/pregnancy is scary and overwhelming. Its even harder when its not planned.
My son was a birth control pill baby. I had only been dating his father for about a month and I got pregnant within the first week of us dating. We were both in school at the time. There were plenty of times when we both thought what the heck are we doing?? I had to move back in with my mom to save money while my bf (now my husband) stayed at school 4 hours away. We only saw each other once or twice a month.
Its very hard. Its very scary. But you can do it. Dont worry about what you are reading. We come with mother instinct. Once the baby comes all the negative feelings will hopefully disappear--at least it did for me. If it doesnt then you can talk to someone about post partum depression. There is also a PPD board if you want to check it out and talk to those ladies as well.
Good luck. I hope you stick around

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March 3rd, 2005, 03:13 PM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 346

I hear ya and feel your feelings. I'm new here and am pregnant with our second child which while in some eyes it's a blessing, where I'm not feeling that way. We thought our 6yo was going to be it.

No one says you have to be giddy and happy about your baby. And NEVER apologize for your feelings to anyone! Be honest and tell people some days are good, and some days are bad.

As for the reading and forgetting, you'll fall into your own little routine and everything will be fine.

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March 3rd, 2005, 04:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
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I understand what you are feeling i think....I am newly pregnant and I am 23, me and the baby's father were in love and may have ended up getting married and having children, but of course things don't always go as planned, and here we are making a committment huger than we were ready for ...I am trying my hardest to be happy so is my SO but sometimes we can't help but feel badly about the things we are giving up, for me its graduate school, for him it is his very own apartment,(he always lived with roommates and was looking forward to having a leather couch, I said we can get a leather couch but no chrome ha ah ) I know we are going to be happy, and somehow I know this was the way it was suppose to happen, but right now when I am pregnant its easier to see what I have lost since I can't see what I am gaining because it is just over an inch now and inside me

But when the baby comes we'll see how much better this is than a MSc and chrome and glass coffee tables,...
and it will be the same for you, its totally understandable that you are feeling sad, you are lonely and pregnant! Just hang in there!

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March 3rd, 2005, 07:31 PM
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Hi there! It looks like we're in the same boat... I was also planning on having my frist at 28 but got pg at 23 (I'm now 24). It also looks like we're due around the same time.

Anyway, as for feeling down, I have felt depressed the past few weeks as well. I even left work earlier than planned because I was having more bad days than good. It didn't help that I hated my job though.

I talked to my mom and my fiance about it and they were very supportive. It's just nice to know that someone is there and that they care.

I am worried about things like money and being a good mom. I used to lose my temper a lot with my little brother and sister and I'm scared I'll do the same thing with my baby. I just need to remember that I was a lot younger then and that it will most likely be different with my own child .

Well, I hope you start to feel better soon. I have been doing so much better since I left my job!

Take care of yourself and the baby
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March 3rd, 2005, 08:32 PM
kjomomma's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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we are all in the same boat. this is my 4th and although i am sooooo ready for this pregnancy to be over (i do NOT enjoy being pregnant...i know weird) i am nervous about having another child and dh is coming around but he has not been supportive at all and that has been a huge issue b/c i feel like i am doing this all on my own.....so yeah you can say i am anxious.
welcome to jm...this is the board to come to when you need to be honest b/c we are all in the same situation.
Wife to Josh(30)
Mommy to:
Kyndal (6)
And Rayanna (2)
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March 3rd, 2005, 10:24 PM
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Yes, I can relate. I am anxious about my pregnancy as well. I am thrilled about the baby as we didn't know if it would ever be possible.

All of my anxiety is related to feeling very alone. I am estranged from my birth family, my in-laws don't really like me, most of the women my age are winding down raising children and I have PTSD related to a medical trauma so I'm petrified of having to go to a hospital and trust doctors again.

I am very fortunate to have a loving, caring and supportive Dh who helps me to get through the sad days. I feel bad because he is truly my best friend. This is the second time in my life that I truly noticed the lack of female relationships. The first time was several years ago during a BC scare and now that I'm carrying my first child.

I am trying to take things one day at a time. I've been decorating the nursery and writing a journal to my unborn child. I'm learning to sew and starting to make a scrapbook to keep myself occupied. Sometimes I just have to cry it out because I feel so overwhelmed.

I hope you read all these responses and realize you are not screwy. lol Either that, or we all are. :-)

Take gentle care,

Edited: to fix typo

Originally posted by Ashtyns_mom@Mar 3 2005, 02:45 PM
I am pregnant with my 1st child.* ** * She is very unplanned, and somedays I feel fine with the pg but most days I am a nervous wreck!* Has anyone else ever felt this way or had this situation before?* I feel so alone right now but if there is someone else who feels this way maybe I could talk to her and maybe I will find out I am not as screwy as I think I am* <div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
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March 4th, 2005, 07:10 AM
Ashtyns_mom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I almost cried this morning when I read what you guys wrote. I feel so much better now knowing that there are other people who feel like I do.

This is the best message board that I have been on, there are so many caring people who arent afraid to give advice and share their stories.

Margaret if you ever need anyone to talk to just pm me or e-mail me at [email protected].

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March 4th, 2005, 07:56 AM
angied's Avatar Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 27
I'm in almost exactly the same boat as you. I got married about a year and a half ago, and I'd always wanted to have a child at 28 or 29, that was my ideal age. I'm 24, will be 25 when the baby is born in August. My first reaction (I was on the Pill) when I found out (the day after Christmas) was shock, but when I missed my period I just knew it was probably true. I cried that night I got a positive test. Not really crying because I was upset, but just because I'm a huge planner...I have to plan everything, and when things don't go according to my plan, I get frazzled. My tears were mainly for an overwhelming surge of emotions all at once, I think. I wasn't thinking, "OH NO! MY LIFE IS OVER! WAHHHH!" It was just more like, "Oh ######, too much to deal with all at once! " LOL...

However, in a few days I came to terms with the news. I settled into the new role I'd have to take on, and put things in perspective. First of all, hell, I'm 24 and will be 25. I don't think that's too young, especially when girls are getting pregnant at 12 and 13 these days. I really can't complain...I'd always just wanted to be finished with college and ideally married before getting pregnant, and that's the case so what's really so bad about it? I did just start grad school, so I don't know when I'll be able to get back to that...it will work itself out though.

Anyway, I felt that way at first...not so much that I was too young, just that even though I married a year and a half ago (we secretly eloped) we only had a big wedding celebration (for friends and family) 7 months ago, so to everyone else it seems like we've only been married a short time. But oh well, I can't care what they think.

I guess my point here is that I did have to convince myself that I'm not too young, that I can do this and that even though it was unplanned, I will probably never regret it. I've asked a lot of women who have had unplanned children and all of them say it was the best surprise they ever got. And I just think that since it happened and I was trying to prevent it by using BC, it was just meant to be, you know? And then of course when I started having some bleeding, (placental abruption at week 7) my shock and anxiety turned to just hope that I can actually carry a child to term at all.

Baby V's Countdown
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March 4th, 2005, 09:50 AM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 107
good luck ashtyn's mom
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March 6th, 2005, 09:34 AM
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Hi Ashtyns_mom,

Thanks. I may just do that sometime. :-) I hope you are doing well and having a restful weekend.

Take gentle care,

Margaret if you ever need anyone to talk to just pm me or e-mail me.[/b]
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