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College Sophomore, Pregnant, and Scared

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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November 24th, 2009, 02:26 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4
I'm Kayla. I'm a 19 year old college sophomore and I just found out that I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I feel so completely lost. My mom said to call after I get an abortion and kicked me out. I can't do that, I don't believe in using abortion to just "make it go away". The father, and my boyfriend of 5 years, seems to be on board. In fact he seems more excited about the situation that anyone.
I want to keep the baby. I know that this will change my life completely, but it doesn't have to be the end of my life...does it?

Anyway- on to my question. The Pregnancy Support Center I've been going to are really pushing for me to give the baby up for adoption. They say keeping the baby is selfish and I'd only end up giving the baby a bad life. But I feel like I already love this little one in my belly. Am I really being selfish wanting to raise the baby?

Last edited by Kayrah; November 24th, 2009 at 02:26 AM. Reason: spelling error
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November 24th, 2009, 03:47 AM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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You are not selfish to want to keep your baby how dare they even say that to you, I'm really tired right now but I will come back later.

Please come and join us at Teen Moms and Moms to be. Most the mums there are 18-25 Teen Mommies and Mommies to Be - JustMommies Message Boards

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November 24th, 2009, 04:55 PM
laurabelle's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2009
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you are not being selfish at all. you will be graduated college before your little one even goes to preschool. it will most likely be hard at first, but you love your baby and are going to give it the best life possible.
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November 25th, 2009, 04:12 PM
Jenna's Avatar AWESOME!!!
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Just dropping in to say - I cannot BELIEVE they would tell you that keeping the baby is selfish! Please, PLEASE report this to your state's child services division, anonymously if you must - I'm guessing you're not the first person to hear this nonsense from them, and not everyone is as strong as you are!
Also - I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant. It was scary as heck. But, even with my life completely changed, I wouldn't trade my little girl for ANYTHING. She is more important to me than everything else in my life. Have faith in yourself! Everything will work out, even if it's not what you originally planned for your life.
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November 26th, 2009, 12:30 AM
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 4
Jenna I'm ahead of you there. I called yesterday. The woman with DCS told me that they've received complaints before. Apparently this "support center" is receives financial support from a private adoption company. DCS said that they're being investigated for trying to 'bully' women with unplanned pregnancies into putting the children up to adoption.
I'm so angry. My emotions are running wild and the last thing I need is someone trying to make a buck off my situation.
Thank you all for your supportive responses.
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November 26th, 2009, 02:54 AM
Matilda's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Australia
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I was 25 when I got preggers with Kayla (not you obviously that would be too werid lol), and I was so scared. Its' normal to feel the way that you do. But I'm with Jenna with this, although it was not expected, and it turned everything upside down, I wouldn't change it for the world.
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November 26th, 2009, 06:47 AM
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Have you checked out the Student Mommies board? Lots of other mom's that are college students!

I've been a student since I was pregnant with DD. Its taken me 4 years to complete my 2 year degree (and probably another 2-3 years to complete my 4 year degree at least). If college is a goal, you'll make it work. I don't think it is selfish to want to keep the baby.
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November 26th, 2009, 07:39 PM
iMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Maine
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Hi Karah,

Thanks for sharing your story with us! I am sorry to hear that your mother and the support center have been less than supportive. If your heart is telling you to keep the baby, then I think that you should listen to it. I a single graduate student who just found out that she was pregnant, so I can sympathize with what you are going through. We can do it. The fact that your boyfriend is there for you I think is fantastic. Going through school while having a baby will be hard, but I know from others who have gone through it that it is doable. Good luck and keep ups posted! If you want to talk via private message, feel free to say hi!
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November 27th, 2009, 10:48 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 39,401
you are NOT being selfish at all. I congratulate you on wanting to keep the baby.

Don't let anyone try to make YOUR decision for you. Believe me you will come to regret it.

Make your OWN decision and it sounds like you already have.

Good Luck and Congratulations.

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November 27th, 2009, 04:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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dear kayla, i just found this forum and happened upon your post. can i tell you that you did the right thing to report this agency. there are plenty of bad people out there that can and will try to take advantage of a young pregnant girl. i am glad you didn't listen to them.

i want to assure you that your life will be 100% different after your child is born --- most of it for the good. back in the day, i was raped and became pregnant. i chose to keep my child and have never once regretted my decision. i raised him alone till i married. my family came around (they always do) and my child has never been treated any differently than any of the others in the family. it has been a tremendous joy. it has also been a tremendous amount of work....to parent each of my kids, not just the first. i am sure you will be fine. just make a gameplan now and get your things in order so you can reach your educational goals as well as parent. and lucky for you to have a bf that is willing to step-up and be there. hold him to it and get as much done legally as you can, for both of you. God bless you.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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November 30th, 2009, 08:01 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I got pregnant at 19, delivered at 20. I now have a wonderful 4.5 year old and I will be 25 next month. I have a house, a wonderful BF, a great job, an Associates degree (working on my Bachelors), 2 awesome dogs and just a great life overall. It hasn't always been easy. Many times I wondered if I made the right choice but I wouldn't change a thing. It always works out for us in the end!
Sara, 27, married to Shane, 31, mom to Gemma, 6, and Ashlyn, born 8/7/10

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November 30th, 2009, 10:12 PM
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Doll where to begin? I got pregnant at 17 and my family talked (forced) me into an abortion.I have regeted it ever since.After that I had 3 BC failures where I ended up pregnant I MC All three times.Then at 23 I ended up very unexpantantly pregnant with my daughter.It was the worst timing ever.My DP was out of work,I was working 12 hours a day 7 days a week,we were between places to live,and it was rocky between us due to my anxiety disorder.We kicked the idea of abortion/adoption around.
But Looking back at it now...it was all worth it.Our desision to keep her was spot on.Time has a funny way of working things out.Your family will come around and if they don't oh well it's thier loss.It's just hard for them to process the fact that thier baby has gone agaist thier wishes and grown up.
All you can do is stand on your own two feet and stick to your guns.You're 19 not a kid anymore.It's time to make up your own mind.You have to stand up for yourself and say this is how it's going to be.I understand that this isn't what you wanted for me but it's happend and this is what I'm doing and I would really like you to be on borad but if you're not I understand. Trust me they will respect you.
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December 1st, 2009, 07:07 PM
anika's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,604
You're 19, you can make your own choices and for someone to tell you you're selfish because you want to raise your baby is...revolting. I got pregnant the first time at 23, unplanned and with a douche bag. my parents kicked me out immediately and told me to give my daughter up also but I decided she was a special gift from God and I was going to raise her, alone or not. I was homeless for a month but still knew it was the right choice for me. and I've been doing great ever since! it's hard at times because I also go to school but I've never been happier you do what's best for YOU sweetie. Don't let anyone tell you how to run your own life. if you feel you can raise this baby then you do just that. there's lots of help out there for single moms so use it while you're in school. and congrats

Oh and as far as parents go...don't even break a sweat over what they think. My mom didn't speak to me for 3 months when I told her I was pregnant, and now she is IN LOOOOVE with my daughter. so much so she thinks she's her mom (annoying at times but not the point lol) sometimes. and here I am pregnant 7 months unplanned AGAIN and single and my mom is over the moon about having two grandbabies so don't even worry about what your parents think.

Last edited by anika; December 1st, 2009 at 07:11 PM.
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December 2nd, 2009, 01:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: California
Posts: 3,530
What they told you is just appalling! But being who they get funding from I'm not surprised.. but still! There's no shame in wanting to raise your baby yourself. My parents raised 5 of us on a single low income. We had one car that at times needed push starting. We went though a lot to get where we are today but we got through it together. And just because my parents didn't have everything under the sky to provide for me doesn't mean I was any less loved. I got pregnant at 18 and though my mom was very upset, she came around and couldn't WAIT to be a grandma. She adores my kids and loves them like they're her own. So family can and usually does come around, and like PP's have said if they don't who cares? It's their loss. I say good for you for wanting to keep your baby and stepping up to that responsibility. It won't be easy, especially with school. There will be days where you want to pull your hair out and throw in the towel but in the end it'll be worth it and it's not impossible. Congrats on the baby, GL and kup!
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Jesse: 10 weeks - Feb 2017 TTC #4 w/ lots of prayer our RAINBOW baby!
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December 15th, 2009, 08:22 PM
cachex10's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm lurking here, but had to post. I'm glad that you reported that center. What they told you is ridiculous. Only YOU can make the best decision for you and your baby and no one should bully you into making one you're not comfortable with. I'm also really sorry that your mom is no better and not supportive.

I found out I was pregnant with my first DD when I was 20 and I had her when I was 21. It was an extremely unplanned pregnancy and I conceived her under a time of great stress. Her dad left the picture when I was 4/5 months pregnant and I haven't heard from him since. I knew from the time I found out I was pregnant that I would be keeping her, though. I knew that I would do anything I needed to in order to give her the best life I could. She's now 12 and I've never regretted my decision to have and keep her, I adore her (and her siblings now ) more than anything.

You can definitely do this, you're not too young. It will be a sacrifice but I'm telling you that as long as you do what you can to give your child heaps of love, support and the best childhood that they can possibly have, you've succeeded. And I don't know too many moms that wouldn't come around at some point instead of being cut off completely from their grandchild. I hope your mom comes around.

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December 15th, 2009, 10:25 PM
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I'm so sorry everyone in your life is being so unsupportive. Atleast the father is there for you. I hope things get better for you.
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December 15th, 2009, 10:42 PM
JennyBlossom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I was 22 when I unexpectedly got pregnant with my daughter. I was a junior in college and the father split. Sure it isn't easy, but I love my daughter and I do the best I can for her. She is a happy healthy little girl and the light of my life.

I think you need to stay as far away from that "resource center" as possible. They are bullying you and have NO right to tell you what is best for you and your child. Do you have an OB or midwife? I would suggest asking someone like that for a good pregnancy resource center. They deal with them all the time and will know where you can find the help you need.
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December 16th, 2009, 02:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Chiming in late here... but felt I should share some of my story....

I was 19, actually hadn't even graduated high school yet when I got pregnant. Kept the baby, had an incredibly hard pregnancy that I almost miscarried. Had a HORRIBLE excuse for a babys "father" who was nothing but scum, but didn't leave him until our kiddo was 3 months old, because I was just dumb But it comes down to me in high school, pregnant, went straight to college, excelled in it (straight A's despite being on bedrest most of the semester!) had my baby girl, left my ex and have never looked back, and now I am about to turn 26, with an awesome 6 year old kindergartener, and LOVE the life I made for us. It's been hard. It's not easy, but I love it. I tell people I'm glad I was that dumb teenager! I love being a young mommy That center you went to are just WRONG! You can succeed, and ya know what, if you want to succeed, you will.

I hope you get the support you need... look into other support centers or your friends and other family. It sucks your family isn't being too supportive right now Please message me if you need support or advice! I've been there done that, had some rocky roads but omg I just love being a Mommy. I went to my daughters holiday performance tonight and it reminds me why I became a Mommy, to see that little girl blossom and grow into this amazing individual.

Please contact me if you need help. There are plenty of people here too who will give help and kind words if needed as well

Keep your head up, and congrats on the pregnancy!
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