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pregnant, terrified, not sure what to do

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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February 7th, 2010, 11:25 PM
k_luvs_c's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 72
Hi there,

2 pregnancy tests have confirmed that I'm pregnant. I'm 22 years old, about to graduate college in May, and very much in love with my boyfriend. But I'm graduating without any promise of a job, without a car, without support from my family, and with a whole lot of educational debt.

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months, known him for 2 years, and I trust that he is a good guy. He's 27 and just barely starting to take classes at a community college- and we've been long-distance for the entire duration of our relationship. He waits tables and has made it clear that he isn't ready for the burden of a baby. Also, moving back home hasn't been an option for me so as soon as I graduate we've been planning to move in together, which was a terrifying idea enough because we've never had a chance to live in the same city, let alone in an apartment together.

..and now we find out there are three of us to consider. I'm about 5 weeks pregnant (I actually think I conceived in mid-January, so I suppose less than that, but my last period was in late december and I read that you count your weeks from there?). Already I feel attached to the little thing inside of me. I made the call to get an abortion but started crying and shaking hysterically. My boyfriend said he'll support whatever decision I choose, but has made it clear that he doesn't want it.

I have always wanted kids more than anything, so I don't feel like I'll regret having it or be missing out on anything. But I am TERRIFIED of the first few months after he/she will be born... I won't have a job, my health insurance under my parents will be over (because I'll no longer be a student) and I won't have a car or any income... How will our baby get health coverage? My boyfriend will be responsible for everything with his serving wages. I'm so afraid that my degree won't do much for me. How could everything possibly work out, and how can we possibly take care of a baby with such little money?

And I'm so concerned with the situation with my boyfriend. As much as I love him, I still don't feel completely certain that he is "the one" and I know that a baby will put an incredible amount of strain on the relationship and it will probably crumble and I'll never know how things could have been- plus our baby will have to deal with separated parents.

If I get rid of the baby, I will be able to continue with my education and in a few years have much more to offer, in terms of a home and time and a relationship with the father... But if my current boyfriend turns out to be the man I end up with and start a family with, I'm worried that I'll always miss our first baby... And I already feel like I have been given a new role as a mother.. Even if it's so small in there, it is depending on me and I can't get past that thought. I keep telling him that there are three of us to consider, but he doesn't agree that abortion would be that bad... I have always been pro-choice, but I feel now that I am done with school it would be wrong for me to abort it-- but I don't know if I'm being dominated by hormones and emotion and whatnot.

Does anyone have any advice for how I should proceed? I know I will love it with all of my heart. I'm just so terrified of eventually having to do it alone and never being able to give as much as I could, to this little one and the ones to come...

Thank you for any advice you have and sorry this is so long!

Last edited by k_luvs_c; February 7th, 2010 at 11:30 PM.
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February 8th, 2010, 09:32 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
first, let me just send you a huge HUUUUUG. it sounds like you could use it.

i am a 53 year old grandmother with experience in this situation. let me tell you a little story that might help you decide.

32 years ago i was raped and got pregnant. i knew the man -- it was a date rape with a drug so i was unconcious. i was a christian, 20 years old and had just gotten my first apartment. i worked but made little money. i had very strong pro-life beliefs. i was also afraid i would have little to no family support. i told the 'father' and he offered to pay for an abortion. i declined. i got laid off from my job becuase i was pregnant (currently illegal in the united states). i ended up moving home, having my child and returning to work after his birth. i raised him alone, got child support through the state via the 'father' and used state aid for medical insurance until i could provide for him myself. it was hard, no lie there. but, here i am today with a child that turned 31 yesterday, who is the best thing in my life (along with my other 3 kids and my grandbabies). i met someone, years later, that married me and my kids and has been the only father this child ever knew. he met his biological 'father' when he was 16 and although they are not close, they have a relationship that is healthy.

so, honey, i strongly encourage you to listen to your heart. even if you have your baby and offer it for adoption, you will not ever regret carrying it and giving it life. if you abort, i guarantee that later in life, you will be haunted by it. i know too many peole that are.

you may be surprised at how your family might come around and be far more supportive than you can imagine right now. or they might not. get involved with some people or groups that WILL stand by you - through a church, or child-oriented organization. help is out there.

for today, try not to worry about your future and how you will support this baby. things work out. you may not have much to offer your baby today, but you will have the chance to continue school and get a job and meet a man that wants to be a father, and even if your baby wears used clothes and has few toys at first, he will be happy.

please pm me if you want to talk. i visit here on this board becuase i want to encourage you young mommies. i wish i had had someone to go through my experiences with me. i know the fear and lonliness i felt and i want to share with you girls and give you hope. bless you as you begin this journey.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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February 9th, 2010, 12:26 AM
k_luvs_c's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern California
Posts: 72
thank you so much for your response. of the few people i've talked to, most are saying i wouldn't regret it in spite of how difficult it may be. i'm seeing my sister this weekend and i think that will help a lot. thank you, again, so so so much.
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