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so confused- stressed.......

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 18th, 2005, 01:11 PM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 73
This pregnancy was totally unplanned for me and I have no idea how to handle it. In the time that the doctors think I conceived (Nov 15-25) I was with two different men (broke up with boyfriend, started sleeping with another guy I had been interested in) so I don't even know who the kid's father is. Jay is the guy I broke up with, Justin is the other guy. Before I knew I was preg I kept telling Justin I wanted to take the emotional aspect slow but he was really pushing for a relationship. His ex-gf popped back into the picture and the day before I found out I was pregnant, he called and said that he wanted a relationship and since I wasn't willing to commit to that yet he wanted to start dating his ex again because he was the one who ended it with her the first time but he thinks there is a chance of making it work now. Really upsetting cuz I cared about him a lot, just scared of the whole commitment thing.
So I got back with Jay cuz I was all emotional and stuff and felt like I needed someone (bad reason, but whatever) and then recently ended things with him again. I'm just not in love with him. Both of them know that there is a possibility of the kid being his. They are both good guys, but I think Jay will only want to be with the kid if him and I are together, even if the kid turns out to be his. Justin is scared of the kid being his because we are not together and he doesn't agree with kids being raised by only one parent. But he would help if the kid is his.

I just don't know. All of this is so stressful. To top it off I am in the military and was supposed to go to Iraq in July. I feel like I have let down my soldiers and my unit by getting pregnant and not having to go now. I feel like I am letting my soldiers go in harms way and possibly end up dying while I am sitting here safe and sound. I worry so much about them because they are so young. All 18 and 19 year olds. And one of them is married and already has a kid. It makes me sick when I think about one of them getting hurt in Iraq cuz I am not there to help them and protect them and train them. I just feel so horrible about everytrhing.

About dragging Justin and Jay into this when they should be thinking about how to be safe while they are in Iraq and not me and a newborn baby here. I feel bad about my soldiers going without me and of letting my unit down. I feel bad for my unborn kid because most women are happy to be pregnant and I'm not. I feel bad that she might grow up with only one parent. My mom left when I was a baby and I have so many issues because of it. I hate to think she will have the same ones.

And most of all, I am terrified of being like my mother, the kind of woman who can leave a newborn behind, move across the country and never inquire about that baby ever again. I am 23 now and still the only contact I have ever had with my mother is contact I initiated. I am so scared of doing that to my baby. But I am so unhappy I think about it sometimes. I just don't know what to do.....

Sometimes I feel ok about being pregnant. Like when I talk to my stepmom and dad who are sooooo excited. Or when I talk to my friends who already have kids. And having my first ultrasound was really cool. I feel the baby move sometimes. But most of all I am still just scared.

Im sorry for rambling so much, just needed to get this all off my chest but dont really feel like there is anyone here I can talk to. I'll be suprised if any of you even read this all the way through. LOL
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March 18th, 2005, 01:24 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: at my desk
Posts: 27,881
((((((((HUGS)))))))) I think everything you are feeling it totally understandable and reasonable. I think you will still be able to support your soldiers even though you wont be able to be right there with them. You can write them. Send pics of the baby--they are your friends, I'm sure they'd like to see the baby. Send stuff you know they wont be able to get there. I'm positive that any support you can give them will mean alot to them.

It was hard for me to be excited about my pregnancy all the time as well. It was a very stressful time. I was unexpectedly pregnant, trying to make this new relationship work with my now husband, had to move back in with my parents. I think you will be a great mom!! Just see that you a showing concern for the baby's well being is great even though in your mind its negative. Hearing how you are worried about your soliders shows that you are a caring person and they arent even your blood.

Things will work themselves out. They always do!

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March 18th, 2005, 02:06 PM
Posts: n/a

I read it all the way through. I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Being pregnant is stressful enough without all the added stress of relationships, military and painful pasts. I can relate to the mother issues very well. In fact, so much so, that we haven't told my parents that we are expecting. I worry everyday that I will inherit whatever she has that made her such a horrible person.

I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. Please be patient with yourself.

Take gentle care,
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March 18th, 2005, 07:17 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boothwyn, PA
Posts: 1,026
((((HUGS)))) Pregnancy is a time of so many conflicting emotions as it is, I am sorry you have the added pressure of the military and family issues to go thru as well. I wish you lots of strength during this time of your life. I believe everything happens for a reason- even though we have no clue as to what it is. Hang in there, things will work out eventually. We are here for you....oh, and congrats on your new baby!

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March 24th, 2005, 02:15 PM
Posts: n/a

I'm so sorry that you have all the added stress on you. I did read your post all the way through and I feel so bad for you. I wish that I knew some way to help you. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. Just to listen, not to judge or to tell you what to do. You can PM me or E-mail me, anytime, night or day. [email protected]

Again, I'm sorry that this has been so stressful for you! Did you get to find out if it was a boy or girl at your ultrasound?

Oh, and with an unexpected pregnancy, I would think it would be completely normal not to feel 100% happy about it all the time. I didn't expect mine, but I know that I have a lot of people around me to love and support me, even though there's always those people looking down on me and stuff.

I hope things work out for you dear. Keep us posted, and good luck!
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March 28th, 2005, 03:24 PM
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 73
Thank you all for your support. I had my ultrasound on Friday, I'm having a little boy. Naming him Aiden Joshua. My first really close friend to die in the war was named Josh and I think the two names fit well together.
After seeing the ultrasound pictures I am getting a better additude about all of this. Especially because both of the potential fathers knew I was having u/s on Friday morning. Both called that afternoon to ask how I was, is the baby a boy or girl, was the results from triple screen all right, do I need anything, etc. It was really nice that even though I am not with either of them and both of them are scared to death, they are both curious to know and make an effort to show that they care I am pregnant and that the child belongs to one of them. Justin's girlfriend even told me congrats because he asked if I would show him the u/s pictures so I brought them by and she was there.
She told me that even though she is uncomfortable around me, I am a good person, if the situation was different we might even be friends. She also told me that as far as ex-girlfriends go, Justin could have done alot worse than me. It was really sweet of her because I am usually very uncomfortable around her and I always wondered what she thought of me and the possibility that I might be having her new boyfriend's child.
Anyway, that's all the news right now, and I really appreciate the responses I got, it was a relief to get it all off my chest without being judged as a horrible person and a soon-to-be horrible mother just because of the way I am feeling.
And good luck to the rest of you. I wish all of you the peace I am feeling concerning this pregnancy right now.
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March 29th, 2005, 06:26 AM
Posts: n/a

I'm glad that everything went well at your ultrasound! The name you picked is great!

I totally understand the way you feel, and I don't think anyone here will judge you for it! I think honestly that it's perfectly normal not to feel 100% happy all of the time!

I'm here for ya if you ever need to talk! It's good to know the potential fathers are stepping up and being nice to you and the girlfriend is being civil. Sounds like things are looking up for you dear!

Keep your head up!
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April 4th, 2005, 05:10 AM
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 42
hey jenn im sorry about how you have been feeling.
keep your head up,its ok to feel negative sometimes we all do!!!!
plz email me anytime....
[email protected]
i dont mind we can chat all night if need be!!!
im here for you hang in there and smile!!!!!!!!
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