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Extremely Confused

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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September 2nd, 2011, 09:55 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
I just found out via a home pregnancy test a couple days ago that I am pregnant- though I had a strong feeling I was even before the tests due to swollen breasts and extreme nauseousness just to name a few. I have told my boyfriend and I have a called a clinic and I have an appointment for ultrasound/counseling on Wednesday- but that seems like a lifetime from now and I just needed to hear some words of advice.

I am 27 and my boyfriend and I been together (we were once engaged and then broke up for a little over a year) basically since we were 16. He is nervous but very excited and wants to keep the baby, he just knows "everything will be alright". I on the other hand am not so optimistic. I feel like to have this child is absolutely irresponsible of us. Neither of us really has anything to call our own. We live at home with our parents, work part time, he has a car but I do not, and our parents support us heavily financially. I have nothing to offer this child other than love which honestly is not enough because that doesn't provide housing, health insurance, transportation, food, etc. And while abortion seems to be ideal- its by no means an easy decision to make. I don't even know how heavy I want to think on that option right now- I'm just so freaked out it seems like it would be better if this whole situation went away. I am having a hard time accepting the idea that a child is blessing- this wasn't an accident. It's the result of what happens when you have unprotected sex and a sperm meets an egg, that's the science of it. Not really a mystery or miracle in my mind.

We have been using birth control but when I quit my full time job I could no longer afford the ring and made a switch to the pill. We basically didn't wait long enough to let the new pills do their thing and that's how this happened. I haven't told anyone! For one, I'm too ashamed and mad at myself. I already know my family will not be supportive and it hurts enough to just know that in my mind- I don't want to actually experience the pain of it being a reality. Also, if i do decide to go with the abortion I don't want to be judged or looked at like a monster. When I think of having the baby v. having an abortion both decisions leave me sick to my stomach. I grew up with stability and the opportunity to be in Girl Scouts, dance classes, go on field trips and other extra things because my parents were financially ready for a child and I think its unfair if I am not able to give the same to my child.

I just don't feel ready- not ready for the changes my body will go through, this past month has been hell and I have missed a lot of work that I cannot afford to keep missing. Not ready to think about someone other than myself. I just got my passport and in the process of getting a visa to start traveling. In a time where jobs are scarce I had the freedom to quit mine to opt for something I LOVE although its only part time because I only had to worry about myself. I want us to be married because we love each other not because we had a child and felt we had too. I don't even really know myself and where I belong in this world and now I'm expected to show someone else the way. I keep thinking of things I won't be able to do or not ready to give up doing- I feel selfish for that , which is all the more reason I just don't think I am ready to be a mom.

In short- I don't know which way to go or how to sort these emotions.
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September 2nd, 2011, 01:05 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15
I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I am in a similar position so I am not much help. The best advice I have ever gotten is that there are no bad ideas because at one point you thought and knew it was the best idea.
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September 2nd, 2011, 01:23 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks so much for your response and I hope the best for you in your challenging situation as well.
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September 2nd, 2011, 05:41 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,841
*hugs* Story time, I was 18 years old... 3 months into college... when I got pregnant. When I found out I was 15 weeks. At that point in my life it wasn't the right time, I didn't want kids, couldn't support a kid, didn't want my body to change etc. I decided to have an abortion. It was not an easy decision, and it still weighs me down today. No matter what you decide, it's not going to be easy. But having an abortion does NOT make you a monster. Anybody that presses their belief on you, needs to shove it. Its your body, your decision. Whatever you decide to do is the right decision. Don't beat yourself up over it. *hugs*
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September 3rd, 2011, 07:53 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 4
Thanks! It really helps to hear your story (and advice), def eases some of my anxiety.
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September 12th, 2011, 10:34 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
I am in the same kind of boat here. I have had three positive home tests and waiting until Friday to confirm the pregnancy and it's not something else (I have a family history of positive test that weren't related to pregnancy: mom and grandmother had ovarian and cervical cysts that cause false positives-mom ended up have a full hysterectomy in the early 90's because of cancer.) I had an abortion what I was 18. I had been stupid with my boyfriend of 2 years and it resulted in a pregnancy which sadly enough I knew immediately what I was going to do. Now, I am 26 almost and married for 4 years. We use the with drawl method, but something this time may have gone wrong. After talking it over, with our finances the way they are and him just finding work which may not last into the following year, there's no way we can sustain a pregnancy. Just do what feels right to you. You may be giving up this pregnancy, but it's not like you're just doing it to do it; you have scares and are thinking clearly.
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September 13th, 2011, 01:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: southern cali
Posts: 3,549
does nobody consider adoption any more? i just wondered because i had not seen it mentioned here.

i feel your confusion as i have btdt. i encourage you to take your time deciding what to do. i pray you will get some GOOD counseling and then you have to trust yourself for the decision you make. for me, there was choice to be made -- i knew immediately that i would keep him. i also was in no financial situation to have and raise a baby. it was a challenge but we survived.
what goes around, comes around.....
speak with kindness....

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September 15th, 2011, 08:32 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 40
I'm currently in a very similar situation... minus the supportive BF, or any BF for that matter. I'm going the route of adoption, so if you'd like someone to talk to about that option, or someone who feels the exact same way for that matter, PM me, ok? I'm all ears
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