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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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September 14th, 2011, 08:20 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 40
I'm in dire need of some friendly advice..

For a bit of background, my partner and I have known each other for about a year. We're former coworkers, and about 2 months ago started hanging out again, then casually sleeping together on the strict terms of NO RELATIONSHIPS. We're both somewhat fresh out of long term relationships (3 months for him and 5 months for me) and agreed we needed time 'on our own' to enjoy being single and whatnot. Well, obviously, I got pregnant.

When I told him, he immediately jumped to abortion. I have had one previously, swore I never would again, and dug my heels in. After 2 days of going back and forth, he caved - no abortion. Adoption is my compromise, and adoption it is. Neither of us are in any state financially to raise a child. He was fine for the first couple of weeks that we knew. Very supportive, took the time to care how I was feeling. I had an overnight hospital stay due to an allergic reaction and he actually left work immediately upon finding out I was there to be by my side. He had me stay the night at his house once every couple of nights, and we still had sex. It was like we were at an unspoken agreement we were together. He cooked for me, took me out to eat, showed me around campus as I had transferred colleges earlier this summer and he coincidentally goes there. I was happy with everything, it was comfortable and I was fine.

About a week and a half ago, he turned. Big time. Blatantly ignoring texts, showing no emotions or empathy. Starting to say how it wasn't a good idea that I spend the night, at one point TURNING ME DOWN when I got kicked out of my house after telling my mom about the pregnancy (he ended up letting me stay, and actually cooked me dinner, but the next day it was back to the awkwardness). When we went to file intake paperwork at an adoption agency to get the ball rolling, he was disagreeable, cold, and indifferent to everything even as a I sat there in tears. I got sick of it. So I confronted him. Lo and behold, there was another girl he was talking to before I found out I was pregnant. And, (what the heck?) about a week and a half ago, they discussed starting a relationship. WHILE I SIT HERE, PREGNANT WITH HIS KID.

Now, I get that we had no prior commitment. Neither did they. I've asked him to stop having sex with her, he said he already did but then went back and said that its unrealistic for me to ask him not to for the next 8 months. Am I so wrong to be hurt by this? Am I so wrong to want some level of commitment out of him? I mean, he got me pregnant, and its not like we were total strangers beforehand. It kills me to sit at home now, knowing that he's probably out with her. He said she isn't happy about this, and that she doesn't want him to abandon me... but what the heck is going on here? And what am I entitled to out of this?

I'm just upset, lost, and confused.. I'm also mildly insulted.

Sorry for the rant, I just don't know who to turn to :-/
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September 14th, 2011, 10:01 PM
joey_emmysmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: LaMarque Texas
Posts: 589
I uderstand the hurt and confussion. I was separated from my dh for 7 months then we got back together for about a month we also have 2 other children 2 weeks after I find out he is still talking to the girl he was talking to while we were split I find out I'm pregnant and I was told 5 years ago I could never get pregnant again so it was a huge shock to us both. But you would think that since he got his wife of almost 11 years pregnant with his 3rd child that he would grow up and think about our family yeah that didn't happen. He still sees her off and on when they aren't fighting. When they aren't together that's when he wants to play family man and it upsets the heck out of me.

I'm sorry you are having to go threw this as well but you can't make a boy act like a man if he ain't ready. I found out the hard way. I thought I had a man for a long time but I guess I was wrong.
I also don't understand a woman that would date a man that she knows has a wife or other woman pregnant with his kid. I don't get that. SOrry not much help but I am here if you want to just talk pm if you want I do know how you feel I am in a similar sito. so I hope knowing your not the only one helps alittle bit.

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