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Any advice would be amazing.

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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September 19th, 2011, 01:17 PM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
Hello, thank you for Reading!
So... This is my story.
I'm 21 and 5 weeks preg, I live with my mum and have been in a relationship for 2 years with a guy I am very much in love with and we have a very good relationship. We are both very sensible (normally!!) he works in surgery and I am at uni studying childcare along with working at a place part time I've been at for 4 years.
I love children and all I have ever wanted is my own children but I just don't know if now is the right time, the fact that I've always wanted a child an that I love my partner makes this harder also I have a health condition that means younger the better before I'm wheelchair bound!
My boyfriend is a Christian and is from Pakistan.
1. We are not married, which is frowned upon in his religion and culture. We could not get married before as in his culture it's a massive celebration that lasts days, and people would soon realise that I gave birth right after!!!!
2. In his culture this would be grately looked down upon and we would be dis owned and no one would speak to his family again. Which of course we don't want to happen and we don't want to dissapoint anyone or cause problems for his family, they don't deserve it. We both love his family very much.
3. We both live with our parents officially but he stays with me every night, we both had tight upbringings and planned to get married and settled physically financially and mentally first! So if we were to do this we would not want to rent a place as we would be throwing away money, so not only would we have to get a mortgage, baby stuff, house stuff. We can't afford it!

I have been continually crying for 4 days this just feels like a bad dream! But I don't thunk I'd be able to have a termination, I wouldn't be able to and wouldn't cope
anything anyone would have to say would be really appreciated, good bad or ugly!
Thank you, and good luck to everyone else x
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September 19th, 2011, 10:14 PM
joey_emmysmommy's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: LaMarque Texas
Posts: 589
I'm sorry you are feeling so confussed sweetie. I understand not being able to comprehend having a termination but not being sure you should have the baby. I split from my dh 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant. We have 2 other children and so this time I told him I didn't want to terminate this pregnancy I didn't think I could do it. He told me he didn't want me to either.
Now we don't have the same cultural reasons that you do and that must be really hard for him since it's his family that would probably have the biggest problem with it.
I hope that you and him can figure out what you both really want to do and what you both think you need to do. Is he wanting you to keep the baby or is he asking you to terminate?
I wish you lots of luck sweetie and I'm sorry your in this situation.

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September 20th, 2011, 04:07 AM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2
Thank you for your reply. Congratulations on your pregnancy! How far along are you?We spoke more last night and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do, he finally said he would prefer a termination, his reasons being; he's not ready, his parents, money and timing. He also explained that if we did terminate he was worried I'd get severly depressed and worried I'd grow to hate him because of it. I don't know how I will react. So now were split on what we want to do, and either way someone is going to feel guilty and the other will feel resentful. Everythings crazy! X
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September 20th, 2011, 08:46 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,418
Hi and welcome to JM. I am sorry you are going through all this - I was in a similar situation years ago and will share my story with you. I will probably delete this in a few days as it is not something I openly discuss often.

I was a single mom of 3 boys and met a guy. We were together for a year - all was good. I got pregnant - he wanted me to terminate, put the money in my bank account and took off to a different country for a month on vacation. Long story short - I terminated with him saying "when the time is right we will have a baby... blah, blah, blah." I ended up depressed and was so resentful towards him that we ended the relationship and I was on anxiety pills for over a year. I am NOT trying to discourage you from terminating - I am pro choice but I just want you to know it may not have the ending you are looking for. The stats are that 70% of couples break up in the first few months after termination. You may go on and say wow, I am glad because there was no way I was ready for motherhood or you may end up depressed.

I wish I could give you the magic answer for this but there isn't one. I suggest you take an hour and write down the pro's and con's on paper. Dig deep inside of you without thinking about your boyfriend - only you. And then the answer will come easier. No matter what we are here for you ((Hugs))

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
Do not ever give up hope...

Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.

Last edited by missy123; September 20th, 2011 at 08:49 AM.
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