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Moved across the country, pregnant, and feeling very alone & lost. Any advice?

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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November 16th, 2011, 10:36 AM
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 1
I've been reading forums all day, and I felt compelled to join this site in hopes of maybe receiving some advice from any of these amazing moms...

In June (2011), I sold everything I own in Pennsylvania, and moved to Oklahoma with nothing but 2 suitcases and a laptop to live with my boyfriend, Ryan. We had been dating long-distance for almost a year, and I felt I was at a point in my life (I had just turned 27...I wasn't getting any younger!) where I needed to follow my heart - so, I left my mother & brother who I love and miss dearly, all of my friends, and came to this state hoping I'd made the right decision.

I love Ryan very much, and I want nothing more than for us to be happy, prosperous, stable, everlasting...but coming to Oklahoma was nothing that I had thought it'd be. The people (that I've met), the weather, the job market - I hate it all. I'm aware Pennsylvania is/was no different...but that was at least something I was used to before. I knew people, places, had a sense of comfort and familiarity...now I wake up every day regretting my decision, but feel "stuck" and hopeless..

For the past few months I've grown severely depressed. I'm an Accountant, but have had nothing but trouble and let-downs when it comes to jobs in this state thus far. Since I'm still unemployed (and he just quit his job...), we are of course struggling financially, and I suppose the struggling has kicked me down to the point where I feel completely worthless, I can't even get myself out of our apartment to apply for a fast food job...my motivation disappeared and was replaced with insomnia, constant panic, irritability, hopelessness; to the point where I lose a huge hand-full of hair every time I run my fingers through it, and I have these rashes/blotches all over my arms, now spreading to my legs/back.

I know that I could try to get some sort of medical assistance to help with my depression...but the thought of asking for so much help when I was once self-sufficient depresses me even more. Add that to the lack of social life (I have no friends in this state - haven't met anyone other than his family & friends...and they're not what I'd call supportive in any way), and the feeling that I'm being monitored constantly while I'm on the internet has kind of made me feel like a prisoner in a way.

I've been very sick the past few weeks, so yesterday we bought 2 home tests, both were positive. I want to feel excitement, but I'm having trouble getting past the thought that I cannot even begin to afford food/insurance currently, but I'll also have no idea how to get myself on my feet in time to actually be the good mother I once knew I could be. I don't know where to start with anything. I'm scared to ask for help. Terrified to tell my mother, because I dislike this state so much, and want so badly to move back to PA to be near her...and those emotions could complicate this situation even more. (Other than my mother) I have no one at all when it comes to getting advice, venting or getting out my feelings & fears currently, I'm ashamed to say.

So, I guess after I wrote this huge novel of whiny ramblings, I was just wondering if any of you have been through something similar, or have any advice on what my first plan of action should be? I want to feel better - I just am at my wit's end it seems.
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November 16th, 2011, 11:25 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,585
Send a message via AIM to navywifey2003
First off Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Secondly, medicare for insurance since you are unemployed should not be a problem. Third, there are a lot of ways to make it possible to afford a baby even though you may not think you can. Breastfeed=its free, cloth diapers, cloth wipes, buying baby items from a consignment store, ect. Lots of different ways to make it affordable. Remember it takes 9 months to bake a baby there is still time to get things in order. People might not take the pregnancy well at first but there is nothing like (according to my mom) being a grandma and I am sure since you guys are close it will be fine! You will be fine and can do this. I hope you meet some friends, maybe see if there are any mommy groups in your area meet new moms and welcome to your new crazy amazing beautiful life!

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November 18th, 2011, 09:09 AM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,163
First off welcome to JM! This is a great place full of helpful and understanding ladies. Many who are going or have been though the same or similar things as you. I hope you stick around on the unplanned board and maybe join a due date club.

If you/both of you are unemployeed you should easily quailify for medicade/state insurance. You just need to go file for it or in some places you can go get a pregnancy test done at the health department and they can set you up with it and it's active from that day. You will also quailify for WIC. WIC is a supplemental nutrition program that will provide vouchers for milk, juice, cereal, peanut butter, dry beans, eggs, and in some cases tuna, carrots, and bread. You can get it while you are pregnant, breastfeeding, and for your child until he/she is 5 years old. If you choose to formula feed they will help cover that too.

You can get most baby items like a crib, swing, toys (you don't even need these right away), clothes and the like second hand for really cheap/free. Keep an eye out on Craigs list and Freecycle. Ebay is also a great tool for baby stuff, check for lots of clothing and baby items. Also you probably aren't due until sometime in July so that gives you plenty of time to shop yardsales/flea markets. By that point the sellers will see that you are pregnant and they'll cut deals with you! Plus new born babies need so little.

I hope that helps some and know that you are always welcome here!

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January 2nd, 2012, 10:02 AM
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 59
Welcome and Congratulations on your Beautiful Bundle!!! Happy NewYear too!
There are som many supportive ears here on JM. My story was very different, I.m a bout 14yrs older than you and suddenly found myself pregnant by someobe I just started datin who is your age.

After sharing my story and hearing from so mamy beautiful moms and moms to be here I mafe my decision to raise my baby alone. My grandmom who was my world died this summer and she was the one I ran to for advice. When I listened to her my life went well. Don't discount ypur mom. She sounds like she's your friend and loves you. She will sense if things aren't right anyway so consider confiding your truest feelings, she knows you better than anyone. It may help you feel reconnected.

WIC and public assistance will surely keep you fed and clothed and help w your medical expenses so get that done as soon as you can. Also, consider finding a free workout class/group for moms...after your first trimester is complete...it will help regulate your hormones and depression. Everything feels bad now basically because of hormonal changes. I cried for months and barely got out of bed, the father optted not to be involved. I hope you can find joy in the fact that Ryan is there with you. Wishing you the best and keep in touch! You're not alone...

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January 4th, 2012, 04:05 PM
justjaQ's Avatar Platinum Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sterling Heights, MI
Posts: 19,640
there's no shame in getting help-- you paid into it with every paycheck, before you became unemployed. and you can still be a great mom without being "on your feet".

i spent one of my pregnancies in PA; I'm from MI. I really hated being there, with my husband's family, rather than feeling at home. we were able to move back to MI shortly before I had my first son. It sounds like you kind of have to choose between your boyfriend and your family, unless he would consider moving with you. i hope things are going well for you. congratulations on your pregnancy!
msjaQ- 28, pantheist AP detroit mama to:
timothy michael, august 31, 2003, 12:02pm, 8 lb. 4 oz., 21"- 38 wks.
melissa may, april 7, 2006, 1:31pm, 7 lb. 10.5 oz., 19.5"- 36.5 wks
nicholas michael, january 31, 2010, 5:12pm, 5 lb. 11 oz., 18.25"- 37.1 wks
damon michael, january 21, 2012, 1:31am, 6 lb. 14 oz., 20", 38 wks
rainbow baby left me at 6-1/2 weeks on 09.08.12~ never forgotten, sweet child

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January 6th, 2012, 11:21 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Pickering, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,208
I've been where you are. I lived in British Columbia, Canada when my daughter was born and i'm from Ontario, Canada. I remember the feeling. I wanted a baby with my boyfriend, but was so lonely for my family. The love of your baby WILL get you through. it did for me.

Although it didn't end up working out with my daughter's father (after 7 years, cause he was a cheating $%^&&*), and i'm now pregnant with my second baby from my current boyfriend, My daughter's birth was still a blessing in my life. Your family will still be there for you, even if not physically, I know it's not the same but everything will work out.

WIth all of my above ramblings... I just wanted to let you know I can relate.

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advice, scared, support, unplanned

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