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35 divorced with 2 kids, unplanned pregnancy with ex.

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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December 26th, 2011, 04:55 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2

I'm new to this. I've never posted anything on a messege board, but have not told anyone and need advice.

I've known this man for over 10 years. We started dating back in late September after a fair bit of him chasing me. I've was reluctant to date him as he is a politician and holds an elected office. I always felt any sort of public life was not something that I wanted. Plus, I also felt it to be a burdon on him bc I thought it might look bad to marry a divorced mother of two.(I'm not a bad person, btw. No drugs, alcohol, no arrest..just a working single mom) I shared all of this with him. His response was "who cares, don't let other people stand in the way of our happiness." He loved me, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wanted to get married...yadda, yadda. I was on birth control which I was having a bad reaction to. He looked up the many reasons why I shouldn't take it anyway. He was more than aware I was not on any birth control, more than aware of when my cycles were(very heavy sex life). He would even say "if it happens, it happens". I trusted this man.

I broke it off with him two weeks ago, bc I felt he was acting fickle and was trying to guard my heart. He immediatly defriended me on facebook(I find this very immature as we are flipping adults and graduated high school years ago), and completely refused to talk to me. I found out I was pregnant 5 days ago. 8 positive test, 3 brands later, I'm not seeing things! He has refused to talk about it until today when I sent him a picture of the digital "pregnant" clearblue easy test.

He wants me to have an abortion. "it's so early, it's easy", "just take the RU486". I'm dumbfounded by this response. How can an educated, conservative, pro-choice member, politician have such a callus response? Is he in shock? Was he full of it the entire time? Will he come around?
I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that this was semi-planned and now I'm just supposed to get an abortion like it's no big deal. Afterall, "he'll pay for it"

I know my legal rights. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in his head....
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December 29th, 2011, 02:25 PM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,163
First off welcome to our board! You need to sit down and figure out what YOU want to do in this situation. He should not be a factor in your choice. Is abortion something you could do? How would you feel afterward? Do you feel coerced or forced into choosing abortion? What do you think it would be like if you kept the baby? Could you handle a 3rd? Maybe by yourself? What life changes does keeping the baby bring about? Are you open to adoption? All questions you need to be asking yourself.

He could be in shock but on the other hand he could be very serious.You will never know what he's thinking so it's time to put that out of your mind and think about what's best for you, your children, and your baby.

If you choose to get an abortion and you are wanting to go the medical abortion (RU486/pills) you should make your choice pretty quickly as you can only get up to 9 weeks and you are probably 5-6 weeks now.

Good luck to you and always feel free to post here no matter what your choice is.

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December 29th, 2011, 04:44 PM
MauMama's Avatar formerly La_Sirena
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Aotearoa
Posts: 317
Hi Tiga,

I agree with Leogirl. You need to s l o w down and take things moment by moment right now. The last thing you want to do is rush into anything that has permanent consequences.

I wouldn't be surprised by the reaction. He is obviously one type of person on the outside and one type of person on the inside. How else can you explain someone who adovocates for a conservative basis and then acts completely on the opposite.

You need to find a lawyer and you need to seek a way to protect yourself in the event he becomes even more controlling and tries to harm you.

You're already pregnant, a week or two from now you will still be pregnant. But those 14 days may buy you a lot more insight, awareness and a lot more heart.

Find a counselor!! You will need someone to 'dump' and listen and someone who is completely uninvolved. He/She will also be able to advocate for you if you do become part of an abusive situation.

Please keep in mind that the majority of women who are harmed in domestic events are pregnant. Not to say that he will become violent, but you just do not know as you are already dealing with the real person inside.

How close are you to your parents or someone who can look after the kids for a couple afternoons while you get yourself into a better head space? You do not have to tell them the reason, just that you need some time to face a huge decision.

No matter what anyone says, a termination is not 'easy'. It has lifelong consequences and he obviously isn't affected by much.

Good luck Tiga. Go breath by breath if you have to, just don't rush.
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December 31st, 2011, 09:38 AM
K41 K41 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
do what is right FOR YOU not for him not for your relationship w him FOR YOU. I know you are in a state of shock stress and fear right now...I have been there and I made the wrong decision for me. I have children, still legally married but in an over two year relationship w a man who I love very much and wanted a future with. He told me someday hed like a baby IF and WHEN im legally divorced but not now...I know better than that...but I was so scared. He wouldnt speak to me for days when I found out I was pregnant...I love children and I was happy and I would have done anything to have that child..but again I was scared the only person I felt closest to wouldnt speak to me I now know it was all a manipulation to get me to abort and it worked. PLEASE no matter how scared you are or how alone you feel DO WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR HEART!!! I regret my decision every day...I pray for forgiveness from god...it was a relief initially but what I thought I had to do because who would take care of us, med insurance etc. I panicked...please listen to me...and best wishes to you.
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December 31st, 2011, 01:01 PM
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2
Thank you guys for your kind words.
I know I too am responsible for this situation. I feel like a silly woman that allowed herself to be manipulated thru words. Hind sight is always 20/20, future sight will try to make better dicisions for my children and myself.
I still don't know what I'm going to do, but am praying very hard.
As for him, I'm still puzzled as to why he is acting so callus. I guess I just have to live with the fact, like his constituents, I was dooped.
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January 7th, 2012, 07:11 PM
twolips02's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Just reading through your posts and I want to smack this guy up the side of his head!
He sounds like a use them and leave them sort of guy, but it sounds really wierd that he changed so quickly.
Have you figured anything out? Good luck.

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