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Unplanned and unprepared

Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy


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March 17th, 2012, 08:04 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5
I'm 27, have a career, and possibly want kids someday. I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant and due at the end of October.
I don't think I want to be a mom.

I know that being a mom is all some people dream about. Unfortunately, that is not my dream. I'm not at all excited about having a baby and I'm becoming depressed. It is causing tension between myself and my bf, and it's making it even harder to want to bring a child into this world. My bf is excited about being a father. His own father chose not to be a part of his life and abandoned him when he was very little. He is looking forward to being the father he never had. My bf says I'm selfish and immature for not wanting this baby. I'm sure I'll love it when it comes, and am doing everything possible to have a healthy pregnancy, but I still am mourning the loss of my life as I know it... I hate feeling like a monster for not being excited, but how can i be excited for something I didn't want?
I know I am going to care for this baby and love it when it arrives, but as of 7 weeks in, I'm not feeling any maternal desire. I know I'm not the first person in the world to be unhappy about an unplanned pregnancy, I just need some support to know this will all change once my baby arrives. I'm worried I am making the wrong choice to keep this baby.
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March 17th, 2012, 09:32 AM
Co Host - July 2011 PR
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 946
You still have 7+ months to get used to the idea hun. Whether it was planned or not it's still a big change and big shock in your life. Once you hold that baby in your arms everything will change. Yes you'll be losing the life that you have now but just think of the life that you will be creating with your son/daughter. A family comes with so many joys (and hardships yes but the good outweighs the bad).
First thing though, STOP feeling guilty about your emotions right now! The more of a hard time you give yourself the harder it will be. Just allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and just know that everything will work out for the best.
It sounds like you have a supportive BF. Just let him know that you really need him to be behind you 100%.
Good luck
Thank you tasha_mae for my beautiful siggy!

Proud mama to 10 month old, Charlie <3 !
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March 17th, 2012, 11:28 AM
Leogirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,163
It's prefectly normal not to be excited right away. You have time to adjust, prepare, and get excited. Have you been to the Dr/midwife yet? It often takes seeing an ultrasound and/or hearing a heartbeat to make a pregnancy "real" for many people. You should discuss with your Dr what you are feeling as they may have some suggestions for you.

Above all else, just take it one day at a time. Get into a routine of taking care of yourself. Make sure you're eatting simi-healthy (at least), taking your prenatals, gettng enough sleep,an d never under estamate the power of a bath or shower.

You may want to join a Due Date Club as they are often a wealth of support and info. You are always welcome to post here as well. Good Luck and we hope to see you around!

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March 17th, 2012, 02:09 PM
Kivett12's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 218
Please don't beat yourself up for the way that you are feeling right now! As time goes by, you may grow fonder of the idea of being pregnant and having a child, and you may not. It is ok to feel that way. I agree with Leogirl about discussing with your Dr. Your body is being flooded with hormones that you have never experienced before and it takes a lot of getting used to.

I remember times during my pregnancy where I would sit in the floor and cry for no reason. I didn't hate the fact that I was pregnant, but I was scared of what was to come. When I had my son, I remember being in the hospital and thinking, what have we done! I wouldn't change it for the world now, but there are going to be many times during your pregnancy that you will question what is happening.

I hope it all works out for you and you start to enjoy your pregnancy. There are some women that just don't and that is ok too. Just make sure that you are open and honest with your bf about all of your feelings. There is also so much support here for any situation that you may be going through. GL to both of you
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March 18th, 2012, 08:58 AM
magz88's Avatar First Time Mum
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,411
I still cry about it every couple of days (full out sobbing).

I am getting used to it but I don't want a baby either. There are many more reasons not to have a child than to have one.

I hope that I embrace it once it is born but I worry that I won't. I don't dislike the baby or anything, I just don't want it.

You still have time to change your mind, if you can.
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March 18th, 2012, 09:47 AM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by magz88 View Post
I still cry about it every couple of days (full out sobbing).

I am getting used to it but I don't want a baby either. There are many more reasons not to have a child than to have one.

I hope that I embrace it once it is born but I worry that I won't. I don't dislike the baby or anything, I just don't want it.

You still have time to change your mind, if you can.
Woww, thank you for sharing that. I believe i will embrace it as well when it arrives. I don't want it to suffer or have a bad life. I've created a human being and now that it's coming I want it to thrive and be happy, I just wish we hadnt created this life at all. I don't think I'm capable of having an abortion, but I definitely cringe any time I think about being a mother. I am almost certain I'll feel differently after it's born, but if not, maybe I'll look into adoption. Everyone deserves to have a good, loving family where they are truly wanted. It's just sad that there are so many people who really want babies and are trying, but can't have them....
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March 21st, 2012, 05:18 PM
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 12
I placed my baby when she was 8months ... But I can tell u that u really bond the moment u see your baby... I mean you do when you feel them move around - but when you seem them Look at you .. Everything stops... If you all have doubts need help there are things that u can do . I have been doing everything I can from the day I placed to help those in my situation make sound choices. Every situation is different for sure. But be patient..
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